In The Embers
by mcmachine
Summary: Fresh from a 3-year stint in jail, Jackson is ready to get back to his rightful place as the vice president of the Heretics motorcycle club. After a life-changing event leads him to stumble upon some of his father's old journals, he has to reevaluate his future, as a member of the MC and as a man. April had hoped moving from the city to a small town would keep her away from drama.
1. Chapter 1

**_JACKSON_**

 _"Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?"_

The sultry voice of a single redhead carried through the open bar as I walked inside, a broad grin relaxed across my face. It'd been a long time since I had been in here – three years, to be exact. Prison had been my home in the meantime after I'd gotten tossed behind bars for an assault. I'd been defending the people that I cared about most, who meant just as much to me as any blood ever had. More, sometimes. There was no shame in that where I was from. Everyone served their time at one point or another and it hadn't been my first stint behind bars, even if this had been my longest one. My beard and hair were at the longest they had been in a while, too, but I'd started to like the wild look. Three years being my longest stint was pretty short, in retrospect, even if each individual day had dragged on and on.

True to the words being sung, it did feel like I had been caught up in some shit with no escape from reality. Prison time wasn't easy for anyone – didn't matter if you were the only one you knew behind bars, you had enemies behind bars, or whatever other bullshit you managed to worm yourself into it. Shit sucked. I was lucky that I had friends behind bars. Made it all miles easier to get through the time in there. Still, nothing felt quite as good as freedom did.

"Jacky-boy!" Owen's thick Scottish accent was the first to greet me directly as I entered the bar, but it doesn't take long for all of the other guys to take notice. I'd gotten out today and Mom had picked me up from the prison instead of one of the other guys. I didn't mind, it had been too long since I had seen her. "You're finally back!"

Finally was the right way to put it. It felt as if it had been ages since I had seen Mom or anyone else when she had picked me up and dropped me off at my house. Even though she had a way of getting on my nerves unlike anything else in the world, I couldn't have been happier to see her again.

As expected, my mom knew more about what had been going on with the club than anyone else could have ever hoped to. She was married to the club's president – my step-father, Richard Webber. Or Dick, as I had always referred to him and too many others had picked up on the name. He had been best friends with my father for a long time. But Dad had been dead for over a decade now after a crash. I'd barely been eighteen then and hadn't known what the hell I was doing with my life. It'd added quite a few charges to my arrest record, mostly petty shit. Mom had gone from one president of the club to another, but it was more like whoever married her just seemed to be the right person to run it. They may have been the president, but she had just as much control as any man ever would, no matter the era old traditions.

"Hey, man." Alex clapped me on the back of the shoulder as I sat down at the bar.

"Good to see you." I chuckled, turning toward the bartender. "Shots of tequila for everyone – two for me, and for the hottie on the stage singing once she's done." A cheer from the men who overheard erupted.

"How was it?" Owen asked.

"Same as it always was," I smirked. "Turned that shit into my personal playpen."

It's an exaggeration, but there was no need for any of them to know that. We all go through prisons in our own way. I read more novels than I would ever let any of them know. It was a nerdy secret of mine. Alex was my best friend – he had been since we were kids running around in leather jackets and imitating our fathers and all their suave. Our fathers had both been friends before my dad's death. Now his old man was dying of cancer.

"Sounds about right," he chuckled before grabbing his shot of tequila and knocking it back. "Whew! God, it's good to have you back. Things aren't the same around here without you."

 _"I see a little silhouetto of a man. Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?"_

Giving in to my curiosity, I leaned back in the barstool and knocked back one of the shots of tequila that I had ordered as she sang. I'd never seen her around her before – definitely not a local, at least, not when I had gone behind bars. She's got to be a few years younger, a tight little body and bright hair. It was hard to tell if it was fake. It seemed like she was completely preoccupied with singing the classic Queen song, unbothered by anything else going on. But it was a biker bar. She sure as hell didn't look like she belonged here.

"Who's the minx?" I questioned, turning my attention back to Alex.

"Dunno," he shrugged. "She and two other friends came in tonight. You thinking about hitting it? I was going to, but I think tonight, you've got first dibs."

"Yeah, I'll take dibs on that," I chuckled and wet my lips, leaning back. "Goddamn, that's one tight ass."

"Recognize one of the girls that she came in," Owen chimed in. "Doc at the hospital in town. Must be a nurse or something who she works with." I nodded as he spoke, gaze returning over to her for a brief moment before focusing on the boys again.

"Least I know who I'm spending my first night out of jail with." I laughed.

Her voice rang through the bar louder than before as she hit the infamous high note in the song and I rose my eyebrows in surprise. It sounded nice. Even if I wasn't much for karaoke, there had been plenty of drunk nights in my life where I had at least heard a fair share of it. Most people damn well knew that wasn't a note that they could hit and didn't bother with it, laughing it off and never giving it an attempt. But she sang it out like it was the most natural thing in the world for her. Impressive.

"Think you can make her sing like that?" Alex remarked crudely, a loud chuckle following. "I got no problem with going after one of her friends. Maybe the blonde. She looks… flexible."

"You haven't changed at all," I grinned with a shake of my head. "Where's Dick at?"

"Stayed late at the clubhouse," Owen answered. "They're trying to work on some kind of new deal with the Mexicans. Been some fights lately about our apparently less than fair prices."

"Not like there's anywhere else they're going to get guns like that around here," I commented with a shake of his head. "Has he got it handled?"

"Yeah, probably."

"Dunno if I like the way that sounds." I hadn't bothered with going to see my stepfather today. Anything that he needed to know would be passed on by Mom. She wasn't one to keep quiet about anything. Dick wasn't much for asking questions but she was guaranteed to give answers. I just had to know the right questions to ask. "I'll see him in the morning. Have things been going alright? I haven't heard a lot from the inside."

"Uh-huh," Owen nodded through his thick accent. "They're threatening to take their business elsewhere but they know as well as we do that Heretics own all of the arms trade around here. They don't have a chance."

Somehow, it was the only thing we hadn't gone away for yet.

"You got plenty of better plans right now that don't involve your old man." Alex gave me a jab of his elbow. "You bought her shots – she's just about done. May as well go make use of your generosity." He suggested smugly. "I'm going to go chat with her friend."

Grabbing one more shot of tequila and knocking it back, I kept an eye on the redhead as she moved through the bar. She stopped at the table with the two of her friends and exchanged words for only a moment, a toothy grin on her face that seemed to be bright enough to light up everything around her as she chatted. As she made her way over to the bar, I stood up from my bar stool with a nod toward Owen, heading over toward her to make a move.

I couldn't help but wonder if she knew what this place really was. There were plenty of motorcycles outside that should have made the truth obvious. Maybe she was a little newer to town and hadn't heard the rumors yet. Definitely newer to this place, if Alex hadn't already slept with her. He seemed to snatch them up as quickly as they came in. He wasn't the only one here who did that, far from it, but he just had a reputation for pulling that kind of crap with any new woman who walked through the door. I'd done my fair share of it. Women liked the color of my eyes and I was more than happy to take advantage of it.

Running a hand over the long curls on top of my head, they feel like a mess. Both my curls and my beard had grown out much longer than I usually wear them. Mom didn't like it. She'd threatened to take a pair of clippers to me on her own already.

As the bartender served over the two shots of tequila that I had ordered for the redhead, I grabbed the last of my own and moved across the bar to join her. She was separated from her friends for a brief moment and Alex had already settled in with the both of them, his eyes clearly on the thin blonde. Typical.

"Heard you singing up there." My attention resumed to her as I approached.

"Well, there is a microphone." She didn't hesitate to throw a little sass back my way. I liked that. "I think that's the point."

"Most people who pick up that mic make you want to cover your ears." Moving my gaze over her frame, I chewed the flesh of my inner cheek before returning up to her eyes. In the poor light, I can't tell if they were green or hazel. "That was a nice change of pace."

"Thanks." She lightened up just a little bit, giving a small smile.

"I hope you don't mind the shots." I nodded toward the two that had been placed down in front of her. "I'm Jackson."

"April." Picking up one of the shot glasses, she tilted it toward me before knocking it back. "And thanks, again."

I grabbed the one that I had brought over, lifting it and nodding it toward her. April picked up the second one and didn't hesitate to throw it back right after the other, and I followed her lead. It'd been too damn long since I had the chance to have a drink – one of the things that didn't really get thrown in with all of the other illegal items in prison. There was some moonshine brewing here and there, but I hadn't fucked around with most of it. It was nasty.

"You must be new around here," I commented as I sat down on the bar stool next to her.

"What makes you say that?" April asked.

"Well, I'd be lying if I said that I'd been hanging around this neck of the woods much lately," I started. "But sweetheart, don't take this the wrong way. You don't exactly fit in with the rest of the crowd here. You look like you belong at some kind of high-end cocktail bar, not a biker's."

Her eyebrows raised. "Is that meant to be a compliment or a pickup line?"

"Neither, really," I chuckled. "Just an observation. You're clean. Pretty. You don't overdo it on the black eyeliner. This isn't exactly the nicest part of town."

"Well, I'll admit it wasn't my first choice." Her thumb rubbed over the rim of the empty shot glass. "But my friend Amelia, the brunette over there?" She pointed her out. "She's run into one of the guys here at the hospital a couple of times and has a thing for him, or whatever. She wanted to come here and see if she could spot him but didn't want to come alone. I'm not sure how she managed to rope me into it."

"So you break the ice by singing some Queen." I couldn't help but let out a laugh. "Interesting way of going about things."

"Boredom, mostly." She smiled again. "And I've had a bunch of Queen songs stuck in my head since I saw that Bohemian Rhapsody movie."

"What?"

"The Bohemian Rhapsody movie? With the guy from Mr. Robot?" April asked, her brow furrowing and leaning toward me. "There's no way that you haven't seen a promotion or poster or something for that movie. Seriously! They're absolutely everywhere."

I shook my head. "Trust me, I've been pretty out of the loop for the last… three or so years." No point in lying about it. Everyone in the Heretics had an arrest record for something. There was a goddamn wall dedicated solely to mugshots in the clubhouse and it was running out of room. The photo up for me was now considered outdated.

"How do you manage that?" She followed up. "You don't seem like the type to go on one of those millennial disconnecting from society retreats, or whatever the newest trend is."

"I'm definitely not." A loud laugh followed. "No, not even close. I've been in jail."

"Oh." April blinked in surprise. "What for?"

"Eh, assault." No point in lying about it. A lot of the women around here liked to know that kind of thing, dug the bad boy vibe. I couldn't tell if she was one of them or not yet. "Wasn't about to let people fuck with those I care with."

"You started off hardcore and you took it soft," she remarked. A smile was creeping across her features. "That was very cute."

"Cute?" My brow shot up. "That's not a word that people use to describe me, trust me."

"Is it just kind of bar persona for you then?" She questioned, tilting her head. Her gaze openly ran over me and I didn't bother with containing a smirk. "Or do people not know you that well?"

"Think it would be spoiling things if I told you," I answered.

Her lips pressed together, a slight twinkle in her eyes. As the light caught them, I could see they are hazel. "I suppose," she hummed. "Did you really just come over here to tell me that you liked my singing?"

I was very far from that innocent. "Another spoiling answer."

"Hm." The syllable was huffed out. "You said that this was a biker bar," she shifted subjects slightly as she straightened up a little taller, uncrossing and crossing her legs. "Are you a biker?"

"I have a 2003 Harley-Davidson Dyna Super Glide Sport outside," I spoke.

"The only part of that I understood was 2003 Harley-Davidson, but I'm going to assume that's a yes," she chuckled with a shake of her head. "I guess I am pretty out of place here."

"It's nice to have a different crowd every now and then," I shrugged. "But I'm pretty sure if you keep coming, they're going to harass you into singing some more."

"I don't know about that." April glanced over her shoulder toward her friends. Amelia and the other woman were still sitting at the same table with Alex who now had his arm wrapped around the blonde's shoulder, looking thoroughly satisfied with the progress that he had made. "Well, I thought I might have to if Amelia found her guy, but it looks like Izzie is now getting snuggly."

"That's Alex." I tilted my head toward him. "Known him my whole life. Total heartbreaker."

"So are you saying I should go interrupt and save my friend?"

"Not at all." I chuckled. "I'm sure she can make her own decisions. He's great at giving you a few good nights, but I think he grows allergic to women after a week of being around them."

"I thought all biker guys were supposed to be like that. Isn't it some rule, or something?"

"Not at all." A common enough stereotype. "It's all about freedom and nonconformity to mainstream culture, society as a whole, that kind of thing. Saying fuck it to the man. It's not all drugs and criminal enterprises." Sure, we did some crime here and there. But we weren't based on it.

April hummed. "Do you have women in it?"

"No."

"Well, that sounds kind of outdated for a group that's supposed to be about freedom and nonconformity." She pointed out.

"We've never had a woman try to join." I offered. "Though pretty sure that the old ladies run things just as much as the rest of us do. Can't get shit done if they don't approve of what's going on most of the time." Especially my mom. "At least we're not one of the white only clubs." I motioned to myself.

"True. That seems more advanced than the stereotypes, I'll give you that."

"Why do you ask about women specifically?" I leaned in more, glancing down at her lips. "You interested in patching in?"

"Not at all." She let out a lovely laugh. "I think I'm busy enough as is."

"What do you do for a living?" I asked.

"I'm a doctor." Her eyes darted away. "I just started at the local hospital here about two months ago."

"See? I knew that you had to be new." I smirked.

"Oh, shut up." The words came from her playfully. "I don't like sticking out like a sore thumb."

"It's a small town. It's going to happen no matter what." Being in a place like this certainly didn't help. "But I think there might be a few other places that you blend in better. Like a yoga studio or a Whole Foods." I teased.

April groaned. "Ugh, you make me sound like the most boring person alive."

"Okay. You tell me the most exciting thing that you've done in the past three years." I challenged her.

"You seem like the kind of person who's going to one-up me no matter what I say." She pointed out. "You've got that vibe. And I have exciting stuff come into the emergency room every day."

"Yeah, but there's a difference in doing something exciting on your own than just having it thrown your way." I tapped my fingers against the bar before turning back toward the bartender and waving him over when he had the chance. "You want something more to drink?"

"Sure," she bit her lip in consideration. "A jack and coke would be good."

It took the bartender a moment to make his way down to the two of us. "Two jack and cokes," I ordered, sliding a twenty across the bar top before returning my attention to her. "Well, if this kind of place isn't your scene, then your boyfriend must hate the fact that Amelia managed to drag you out here."

April let out a laugh. "Yeah, sure, maybe if he existed. My cat might be mad that I'm not home, but truthfully, he's probably enjoying having the bed to himself."

"Sounds like a cat to me." I snorted. "Never had a pet, though."

"Really?" Her eyebrows raised. "That's sad."

"Never been a thing in my family," I shrugged with the explanation. "Never really bothered me."

"Huh." She clucked her tongue. "I grew up on a farm so I've always been used to having a plethora of animals running around. Going to college and not having any was a weird thing – I kind of hated it, actually. The second that I moved into a place of my own off campus, I got Boots. He's a little calico and all his feet are black, so it looks like he's wearing boots."

I chuckled. "That's cute," I remarked. "Are cats frequently your bar conversation?"

"No." Her brow furrowed, nose scrunching up adorably and making a face at me. "I don't have a frequent bar conversation. I either work so much or see so much crap come from bars that it kills my interest." She justified.

"You seem to be having a pretty good time tonight."

"I am."

The bartender interrupted us for a brief moment as he slid over the two drinks that I had ordered a few moments ago. We both thanked him with a nod of our heads at the same time, pulling it over closer.

"So, biker bars aren't so bad then," I suggested, brows raising as I took a sip from my drink.

"I guess not." Her shoulders shrugged. "You're nicer than I would've guessed. I mean, I kind of assumed you were all sexist pigs who didn't care about women unless you were trying to sleep with them."

It's not a far-fetched statement for all of us and there's a tinge of guilt there because I was definitely trying to sleep with her, sure. But I wouldn't have treated her any differently. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she was attractive regardless of what I was trying to do with her. But she had a nice sense of humor about her, a bit of wit without being mean. That was something underappreciated.

"There's definitely a good handful of us that way. I'd like to say it's mostly the older guys, but it's not." I answered and gave my own shrug of shoulders. "Just the way of the world."

"I guess you're not wrong about that." She took a sip from her drink. "So are you going to say you're not one of those guys?"

"I am but a man." I threw up a hand defensively. "But there's some brain mixed in there."

"Do you do anything for a living? Or– did, before. I mean, besides the whole motorcycle club thing. I can't imagine that's a pad job or anything." Her questions continued without fault. Maybe all the doctoring she did cause her not to think twice about prying into people's lives.

"We have an auto repair shop. Not just motorcycles, any kind of car." It was the clubhouse, too, but no one ever made it that far back outside of the club. "If you ever screw your car up, I guarantee we can fix it."

"Very hands-on," she observed. "I guess we have that in common. Are you going back to work?"

"Definitely," I nodded. "Step-dad owns the place now, so it's not really a problem. I'm not exactly the only person who works there that's been in jail before." Far from it.

"That's convenient." She hummed and took another drink. "And nice. To have something to go back to, I mean. I don't exactly know a lot about the whole prison thing but I've had a few people brought in from the prisons around or people who had just gotten out getting into more trouble… it seems like the readjustment period is really hard for a lot of people. But you seem to be doing pretty well."

Appearances could be deceiving. But this wasn't my first time dealing with the adjustment.

"Thanks." I gave a smile. "It's not, for a lot of people. I guess some just get lucky."

April glanced down at the time on her watch. "You know, I… I should probably get going, actually. I have an early shift at the hospital in the morning and I get a little grumpy if I don't get at least five hours of sleep the night before." She picked up her drink, taking a long sip from it and setting it back down on the bar. "But I appreciate the drink. And the shots."

"Are you okay to drive?" I asked. She was tiny – even though she seemed pretty sober, it didn't hurt to ask. There weren't exactly taxis around here but I could have easily given her a ride. Maybe something a little more.

"Yeah!" She nodded her head quickly. "I had a big dinner. I'm totally fine."

"Then can I at least walk you to your car?" I offered.

"Sure." She smiled sweetly.

Sliding off of the bar stool, I watched her walk over to her friends and grab her bag that she had left at the table with them. She exchanged what I assume were goodbyes with both of them – short, given that the blonde looked like she was ready to go home with Alex, something I was sure that he was pleased about. Then she made her way back over to me.

"Which one is yours?" I asked as we stepped outside to the parking lot, warm summer air surrounding us. California was hot, but it wasn't so bad come nightfall.

"That one." She pointed out a small, dark grey Honda.

"Fits," I remarked.

"What does that mean?" April questioned quickly, curling hair whipping around to the other side of her shoulder as she looked up at me.

"It just fits you," I shrugged. "Smart, sturdy, practical."

"You can get all of that from a car and a conversation at a bar?" Her eyebrows wrinkled her forehead.

"And your song choice." I chuckled.

Her eyes rolled as we reached her vehicle and she paused outside of it, not immediately reaching inside of her bag for her keys. "That seems a little farfetched."

"Well, then call me a good judge of character." A smirk grew on my face as I peered down at her.

A long moment passed, just staring at one another before I acted.

Bending down to meet her, my lips pressed into hers with a firm kiss. Both hands cup her face and pull her up to me. She stretched up onto her toes and pushed into me with certainty after a moment passed. Her lips were warm, sweet-tasting with something more than the hint of coke.

Her short nails scraped over the back of my head as her hands found their way to my hair, pushing through the curls as she grabbed onto me. Running a hand down the slope of her neck and the front of her chest, I grabbed onto her hip and pulled her firmer against me, holding on just a little too tightly. My fingers slipped beneath her blouse and found the warmth of her bare skin there.

It's been way too fucking long since I'd been with a woman. Three years in jail had prevented that. Despite the fact that I wanted nothing more than a good fuck right now, I don't want to use her and make her uncomfortable – if she really wanted to go home, there were a dozen other women that I could find tonight that would satisfy the need. But she returned the kiss eagerly, her front pressing against my chest as her back arched. She might have been a good girl by all appearances, but it didn't seem like she had a problem with any of this.

"You're so fuckin' hot," I mumbled against her lips. "God damn."

"C'mere." I could hear her hand fumbling with the door handle, pushing me back slightly so that she could open up the door to the backseat.

A smirk grew across my features and I reached down to grab her by her thighs, lifting her up. Her legs hooked behind my back and I wrapped my arm around her lower back, bending her down and narrowly managing to avoid hitting my head on the door as I got her down the backseat. It's not roomy, but it was enough to get what we wanted to be done.

"I bet you taste as sweet as you look." Teeth nipped against the supple skin of her neck, sucking on it and listening to the delighted moan that parted her lips a moment later.

"Find out."

Not bothering with getting her top out of the way, I reached for her jeans and quickly unbutton them, yanking them down her legs. It's not a smooth motion to try and navigate around hitting the front two seats of her car and staying within the confined space, a few tugs and directional changes made before they're in a messy pile on the floorboard. Her panties are a much smoother removal, revealing a small patch of hair and glistening folds.

"I know I'm good, but I didn't think I was that good." I teased her, kissing her inner thigh and sucking at the sensitive skin there. "You were already thinking about this, huh? My face buried into your sweet little pussy."

Using my fingers to open her up for me, I don't hesitate to go to town. I'm out of practice but happy to make it up with some enthusiasm, kissing and sucking every inch of her wet olds, not leaving her untouched or wanting in any kind of way. She moans wantonly above me, her hands clutching onto my head and trying to get a hold on me. My curls are long but not quite long enough. My hold on her was firm enough – she wasn't going anywhere.

"Fuck, Jackson!" April cried out loudly, her foot hitting the window with a thud as my lips wrapped around her clit.

I don't pull away to offer her any kind of verbal response, keeping my lips wrapped around the sensitive bud and gently sucking on it. I let my teeth scrape over it get ever so slightly and nearly lose my grip with the force of her hips jerking against my face. Using one arm to keep her pinned down against the seats, my other focuses on not leaving her unattended whatsoever. One fat finger slipped inside of her wet core, curling and fucking into her. Her moans only become more salacious with the more that I do to her.

Her body was doing all of the talking that was needed with the way it responded to my touch. The fingers weren't as satisfying as my cock – not for either one of us, but I was still sure that I could make her come just like this, working her open and coating my hand in her juices.

Focusing again on sucking on her clit, I soothe my tongue back and forth over the nub, drawing senseless patterns as I listen to her moans become louder. Her breathing was more erratic, thighs tightening on either side of my head and rubbing my beard against her inner thigh even more than before. Slipping another finger inside of her tight walls, I fuck into her a little harder than before. When she finally reaches her peak, she cried out with glorious euphoria, tightening around my fingers erratically as she rode out the waves of pleasure, giving her every last ounce of it.

"Holy…" she couldn't get out any more than that.

"You taste so fucking good." My fingers stayed inside of her, lazily fucking into her and nipping at her thigh.

"Mmm." She couldn't get out more than that.

My cock was strained against my jeans, begging to get out of them and into something much better. Stretching up slightly, I undid m jeans and pushed them and my boxers down just enough to release it.

"You ready?" I asked, holding back a laugh. "Or do you need a little more time to recover?"

A tired laugh was barely given and I shifted so I was closer to lining up with her. The only way that I could was hunched over, holding onto the back of a seat. I pushed her hair away from her face so that it was no longer sticking to her skin there, dropping down another kiss on her lower lip and sucking on it to give her a taste.

"Yeah," she finally nodded.

With her confirmation, I spread her thighs open. Her foot was propped on the shoulder of the driver's seat, the best way for me to fit between her thighs. Rubbing the tip of my cock through her wet folds to get a little lubrication across it, her hips gave a small jolt from how sensitive she still was.

Pushing inside of her was hot and perfect, letting out a groan and shifting my grip so that it was on her side. I took my time with it, not wanting to go quite too fast for my own sake. Her heat surrounding my thick cock was everything that I needed, bottoming out inside of her and leaning forward so my forehead was resting on top of hers. It's more intimate than what I would have usually taken up with a one night stand from the bar but given the confined space of the car, neither one of us had much of a choice.

"Shit, you feel so goddamn good." My nose hit hers as I thrust my length inside of her.

"So do you," April cried out.

The confines of the car make my thrusts deep and slow in order to prevent from hitting either one of us against the walls of the car. Enough to keep me from finishing too fast but it still felt too goddamn good, practically being pulled inside of her with each motion. I could have finished in no time at all if I didn't give a shit about getting her off, but I have my own ego to take care of.

Finding her clit again with my thumb, I begin to rub tight circles over the bud as I moved in and out of her tight heat. Her moans become wilder. Anyone who walked by the car would have known exactly what both of us were doing, all of the noises and the windows completely fogged up from all of the heat.

"You gonna cum for me again? Nice and easy." I encouraged her.

Changing the motion, a few more hard thrusts are given an I can feel my own orgasm just within reach. Her walls pull me in for another tight thrust as they spasmed around my tenth as another orgasm began to wash through her. My own came quickly after that, another jerky thrust before it hit me, spurting out as I pulled out of her tight heat and splattering against her inner thighs and the outside of her core. My chest heaved with each breath, leaning back the best I could. One leg was bent beneath me uncomfortably as I sat back.

"You look fuckin' gorgeous like this."

"You look uncomfortable." She gave a slight laugh, running her hand over her face. She was red.

"Not so bad," I shook my head. "Sorry about the mess."

"It's fine." She chewed her lower lip, glancing down at herself.

Tugging my pants back up and zipping myself inside of them, I winced and hit the roof as I tried to straighten up. "It was really nice to meet you, April." No point in making this any more awkward than it had to be.

"Sure, you too." April gave a slight nod of her head and a quick smile was thrown across her features – one that even I was capable of believing, even if she was probably just being polite.

Getting out of her car, I give her another small smile and a wave before shutting the door to give her a little privacy to get dressed again. Just because I wasn't likely to see her again didn't mean I had to treat her like she was nothing. I left that kind of behavior for Alex most of the time. It was more of his signature than mine. Heading back inside of the bar, there was no sign of Alex or the friends that April had left behind inside. He must have gone home with the blonde and there was no telling where the brunette was now.

Owen was still seated at the bar in the same position that he had been before, a couple of the other guys from the club around him. There were a few more empty glasses on the countertop than they had been before.

"I see you had a good time with the redhead," he chuckled when he saw me. "Can practically smell the sex wreaking off of you."

"What can I say? I've still got it." I shrugged easily, grabbing the bartender's attention so I could get another drink before heading out for the night to get some sleep in my own bed. "What've we got going on tomorrow?" I asked, shifting gears.

"Meeting at the clubhouse. Dick wants us all to meet again now that you're out of jail." Owen answered.

"Alright. See you all in the morning."


	2. Chapter 2

**_APRIL_**

"I'll see you again next week." I smiled at my patient, walking her to the nurse's station to get her checked out.

The phone in my pocket buzzing pulled away my attention. Resisting a sigh with the need to stay the happy go lucky new girl even if I've officially been working here for four months, I pulled it out of my pocket to take a glance at the name on the caller ID. It's not a number saved to my contacts and not one that I recognize. More than likely, it's a sales call. But I always press myself to answer in case it's a patient or the family of a patient that I had given my personal cell phone number.

"Hello?" I questioned.

"Hey, April, it's me–" Shit.

I don't give him a chance to continue with whatever bullshit was about to spill out of his mouth, immediately hanging up the line and blocking it as quick as fumbling fingers would allow. A deep breath is inhaled sharply through my nostrils and I push it into the back pocket of my pants. I didn't need it for work, not technically. I had my pager for any purpose that my job entailed for the next four hours while I finished up my shift. My phone was kept on me always as a habit. It didn't seem like the worst thing to change.

Sighing, I wet my lips and stalked my way down toward the cafeteria for a much-needed lunch. That had taken longer than I had anticipated. I was craving a bag of those salt and vinegar chips and there was a good chance that unless they were distracted with surgery, at least some of the friends that I had made in the months I was working here would be there.

The line for food moves quickly despite the typical lunch crowd and I get myself a chicken salad sandwich along with the desired bag of chips and a diet Coke. Scanning through the cafeteria, it doesn't take long for me to spot the particular crowd that I was looking for. Amelia and Izzie had both already made their way to the lunch room and sat down with their lunch, Mark Sloan seated at the table with the two of them. Amelia caught my eye and gave me a little wave as I head over to join them, sitting down between Izzie and Mark.

"Hey," I greeted.

"How's my patient doing?" Mark asked me.

"The gender confirmation?" I raised my eyebrows and waited for him to nod. "She's going to be great for surgery. I've got a follow-up scheduled next week but after that, I should be able to clear her for you. She'll be so, so thrilled when she can finally get this surgery." I smiled.

Opening my bags of chips, I listen to Izzie continue on with what she'd been saying before. "I know that he's not exactly the normal type of guy that he would work for, but he's more than meets the eye, you know? And, April, you were wrong. He has not ghosted me yet like you said he would. He's actually been super sweet the entire time he's around me. Maybe I just bring out something better in him."

"Maybe," I threw out.

"He's hot, I'll give you that much," Amelia stated with a smirk as she sucked loudly from her straw. "And you've been perky lately. Perky for you, Stevens, which is saying something."

"Nothing wrong with being perky." The blonde beamed. "What about you and that guy, Apes? What was his name?"

"Oh, he was even hotter." Amelia chimed in.

"Jackson." I rolled my eyes, taking a sip from my drink. "It was just a one-time thing. The tequila went straight to my head. I've already told you guys this story. You both make it out to be much more than it really was."

Mark laughed. "Even I've already heard two different versions of this story."

 _Yeah, and you've been trying to sleep with me since_. I keep that comment to myself.

"I'm just saying, I didn't take you for the type to run off and do that thing without even a real heads up to either one of us. You seem so PG at work." Izzie shrugged her shoulders innocently. "It just seemed like there was something a little more going on there."

"Everyone has a wild side," Amelia said. "And she's a redhead. You should have seen that coming."

"Something tells me it does not have anything to do with my hair." I know why I had done it. But it requires going a level deeper than I'm comfortable with anyone here in Eureka. "I just drank a little too fast and I wanted to have some fun. He did too. It doesn't have to be anything more complicated than that." But it definitely was now.

"If there was something going on, we could always do double dates." There was Izzie again with her bright smile and eternal optimism. "It could be fun. That's all that I'm saying."

"I didn't think that Alex was the dating type," I remarked, popping a chip in my mouth. I knew it would get her talking.

"I know that he doesn't exactly present that way but he's a lot more than what just meets the surface. The same as Jackson, I'm sure, seeing as you don't seem the type to go for some guy who is a complete airhead. He's really sweet once you crack past the whole bad boy, one night stand loving exterior. There's actually a lot of real substance there to work with." She continued to speak about him and I don't interrupt. She seemed happy enough and I could hope that it would last, but I wasn't optimistic.

Although Amelia and I had already heard the spiel about him a few times now and then, we weren't the ones who cut her off. Instead, it was Mark who spoke up, growing weary of her optimism and desire to fix others. He cut her off with a remark about her making it out to be some kind of Beauty and the Beast fantasy. It's not entirely far-fetched – she sometimes seemed to be like a real-life Disney princess, and Alex was certainly rougher around the edges in a different way than Jackson had been. He was funny when he did it, though, not cruel. He might have been overly flirtatious and occasionally inappropriate, but he wasn't mean.

"I'm sure that you have to have some kind of more interesting patient going on than all of this." I motioned with another chip before popping it in my mouth, hoping to shift the conversation away from our personal lives.

"Obviously," Amelia spoke up before launching into her own story.

Sitting back to try and relax while eating my lunch, I listen to the details of the particular butterfly tumor that she had woken up early to begin cutting out of a young mother's brain. She talked about it like it was a sexy thing, baffling for most people and yet amusing to me. I'd always admired the brain and specialties focused on it, even if neurosurgery wasn't for me. It was an enigma. Not even someone as talented as Amelia knew all of the secrets.

But just as quickly as she had gotten deep into her tale, it has to end.

The sound of two pagers going off caused all of us to pause as we fetched our pagers out of our pockets to see who exactly was being paged down to the emergency room. I was the oddball out, my pager remaining silent. So was Izzie's.

"Looks like there's a big incoming in the E.R," Amelia remarked as she stood up, grabbing her trash to throw it away. "I'll see you guys later."

"Right behind ya, Shepherd," Mark said.

Izzie and I watched them go for a second and I leaned back in my chair, tearing off a piece of the crush from my sandwich and tossing it into my mouth. Surgeons were always running away mid-conversation. Both of them had some of the highest salary's in the hospital, especially given it's not a big hospital. But I was happy with my job and with my specialty. I had found a home in psychiatry that I had never had anywhere else. So much of it had explained my past and present.

"Do you have any interesting cases coming in this afternoon?" I asked her.

"Yeah, actually," she gave a sheepish smile. "Alex's dad has cancer, it turns out. He told me and I managed to twist his arm into getting him to come into see me. The other doctors said there was nothing to be done but I wanted to take a look myself."

"You're such a bleeding heart," I smiled softly. "But that was very sweet of you to do."

"Well, it doesn't seem like his dad was getting the best possible care before," she explained. "And I figured that I may as well do something about it." She paused, leaning forward. "Are you sure that there was nothing more between you and Jackson?"

"I haven't seen him since, and it was two months ago." I deflected.

Her eyebrows raised. "So?" I didn't say anything. "Come on, April. You know I don't want to pry but it's already obvious to me which means it will be to everyone soon."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"You're pregnant."

Shit. So she really did know.

"How do you know it's his?" It definitely was, I didn't have any doubt about that, I just needed to buy myself a few extra seconds. I'm about ten weeks along and not showing, but the tests had been clear and I had an ultrasound scheduled with my OB. "I haven't told anyone about it."

"I won't tell anyone." She smiled at me, reaching across the table and grabbing my hand. "I promise. But you should probably tell him. I can get his number from Alex if you want."

"No, it's fine." I wasn't sure if there was any point in telling him. "I'll figure it out."

Even if right now, I had no idea how.

Forcing the smile to remain on the curve of my lips, I keep up the rest of the conversation even if I eat just a little faster for the excuse of having my mouth full and getting out of there a little faster. I didn't have other patients scheduled for the afternoon, but it was pretty frequent for someone to come into the emergency room and need a psychiatric consult for one reason or another. Eureka may have been small, but it wasn't that small.

When Izzie suddenly gets a page and has to go, I'm selfishly relieved for a moment. I've been aware of the little baby growing inside my stomach for three weeks now. Three weeks of keeping a secret. Izzie and Amelia were the closest things I had to best friends here, but I didn't feel guilty for this one.

There was no doubt in my mind that I would keep the baby. The alternative hadn't crossed my mind as a serious thought even if this wasn't the most convenient circumstances. I hardly knew the father and it was likely that he was going to have absolutely no interest in this child. Even if he had proven to me that some stereotypes about bikers were not the truth, I had to imagine that the preconceived notion I had about this would be. A baby didn't exactly fit with the whole outlaw thing that he had going on. Even if he did deserve to at least know about it, I was in this on my own. I would be a single mom six or seven months from now. I could handle it. It was just going to take a little bit of time to wrap my head around.

But moving across the country to Eureka, it was supposed to be about starting my life over. Getting away from all of the strings in my past and people there that had held me back. Nothing said starting over like starting a family.

Wiping down the table and throwing away my own lunch trash, I walk down the hallway and take the stairs up to my office. Psychiatry is on the top floor of the hospital, as was my office. I was officially the head of psychiatry here. The last had retired and left the opening, and given the small pool of applicants, my background at the Icahn School of Medicine had been superior. I was the youngest chief they had. I'd finished with my residency at twenty-eight and now, at thirty-one, I can only hope that I'm prepared enough for it.

By the time that I'm out of breath and at the door of my office, my pager does finally go off – requesting my presence back downstairs in the emergency room for a drug overdose. Typical timing. This time, I just take the elevator.

"What's going on?"

"Looks like one of those bikers overdosed. Cocaine." Dr. Ford, one of the emergency room doctors, informed me and waved me over. "Some of his friends brought him in. Had a hard time getting them in the waiting room."

"Seriously?" Hopefully, it wasn't Alex or Jackson. "Where is he?"

"Bed three."

The lifesaving techniques had already been done to stabilize him – that almost always occurred before I got down there. Stability was necessary in order for me to do my job. Cases like these weren't usually intentional, so much as they were based in either addiction or stupidity.

Pulling back the curtain to bed three, I'm relieved when it's a male laying there that I don't recognize. He's young and covered in tattoos, wearing a leather cut similar to the ones I had seen in some of the other bikers around town. Jackson and Alex certainly knew him even if they weren't him. I wondered if they were in the waiting room. Izzie probably knew if Alex was here. She seemed to be pretty attached to him.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Kepner…" I introduced myself slowly as I pulled the curtain shut. "And you're Andrew?"

"Deluca," he corrected me with a groan.

"Deluca." I gave a soft smile. "According to what I've got on your chart, it looks like you nearly overdosed on cocaine. Overdose can be mentally traumatizing. And that's as if the physical aspect of what you're going through right now isn't already hard enough."

"Eh." He grunted out at me, messing with his nasal cannula. I reached out to stop him. "M'fine. When can I get out of here?"

"Well, it's important to make sure that your mental health is intact, just like it is your physical health." I started with my typical spiel. "You're going to be in here for a couple of days at least, to make sure that the damage to your heart and other organs isn't too bad. But paranoia, panic attacks, delusions… they're all common experiences when someone overdoses on cocaine. We need to make sure that you're not experiencing these, and if you are, give you the right tools to handle it."

"I don't need a shrink." He scoffed at me. "All I need is my boys. Where are they?"

A typical response. Most people didn't like psychiatrists. "They're in the waiting room, worried about you." I folded my arms. "But, your type… it seems obvious to me this wasn't intentional."

"No shit." He retorted.

"How about we make a deal?" I raised my eyebrows. "I get you to a room and we can get some visitors up there. Then we talk later." It would probably be more effective.

"Fine."

Flashing a smile that was more authentic, I moved toward the nurse's station to arrange to have him moved to another room. His state was no longer emergent though he would need continued monitoring, so there was no reason for him to stay down in the emergency room and taking up a bed. Even if we weren't the busiest hospital, it just made sense to remain more efficient.

The nurse agreed to do it with a shuffle of paperwork which meant there was one more thing for me to do to follow up my end of the agreement. Go confront whoever it was in the waiting room, whether I knew them or not.

I hoped it wasn't Jackson.

Pulling out my phone and intentionally dragging my feet a bit, I sent a quick text to Izzie to let her know what was going on in case she didn't already. She doesn't reply immediately which meant she was either busy with a patient or it wasn't news to her. I didn't know which was preferable.

"Okay, you can do this," I muttered to myself.

What were the chances? I didn't know how big the motorcycle gang was but at least in all of the movies, they always seemed to have a pretty good sized group. It could have been anyone sitting in the waiting room waiting for him. Maybe Alex would recognize me as one of Izzie's friends if he was down there. I was pretty sure that whoever it was waiting for him, they would be easy for me to point out.

Regardless of what my nerves would have liked, it isn't a long walk from the emergency room to the waiting room. It's not too crowded with a few other family members sitting around and waiting to hear the news. But what is obvious is the group of a couple of four men all gathered around together with relatively identical leather cuts on their backs, showing that symbol I had seen around town here and there. The curls and his height stand out immediately. I knew that it was Jackson standing there before he turned around to see me.

"Well, well, well… if it isn't my favorite doctor." Jackson beamed.

I wished that I could suck in my stomach, even if I'm hardly showing. "Hello, Jackson."

"How's Deluca doing?" A man with a Scottish accent interrupted to ask.

"He's stable," I smiled. "We're getting him moved up to a room of his own right now so that you can visit him. He'll have to stay a few more days for some observations but, as long as he doesn't take a turn for the worst, he should be released. Of course, he'll need to lay off using. He's putting his internal organs at risk, as well as psychiatric complications."

"So he's going to be alright?" A younger, lanky male asked.

"Yes, in a couple of days, he's going to be just fine," I confirmed.

"Can we see him?" It took me a moment to recognize Alex in the daylight, but I nodded my head.

"As soon as he's in a room. We don't want to crowd the E.R." I explained, glancing at Jackson. "But thank you, for bringing him in and not just trying to handle things yourself. That undoubtedly saved his life."

Jackson's mesmerizing eyes stared into me as if they could see every depth of my soul, not hiding the way that he looked at my entire body. I hoped he couldn't notice anything different. It's not like a sports bra and scrubs were particularly flattering. The last thing that I needed was to start sweating in front of him. No need to make it obvious there was something wrong.

"You sure we can't just bring him home today? Take care of him on our own?" He finally asked.

"Pretty sure," I nodded. "He needs monitoring that only the hospital can provide right now."

"Shit," the Scottish man swore, running his hand over his face.

"If you're worried about insurance or anything like that, we have plenty of resources here at the hospital that can help you figure it out. I assume that you guys are pretty much Deluca's family." A nod followed my assumption. "We'll get you up there to see him as soon as possible. But if there's anything that I can do for you in the meantime, let me know."

Alex shook his head. "The club's got its resources. We're not worried about that." That was a rarity.

"As I said, if you need anything at all, let me know." I reached into my pocket to pull out one of my business cards, intentionally handing it to Alex and not Jackson. He gave me a funny look. He probably knew about the little rendezvous we'd had in the back seat of my car. "I'll be around."

Hoping that was all there would be to it, I took a deep breath and began to spin around on my heel to walk away. A nurse could fetch them when Deluca was ready for visitors in his room. They didn't need someone with a medical degree for that.

"Hey, wait a minute."

There it was. The exact thing I didn't want to happen.

Taking a deep breath as I turned around, I forced the smile back on my lips so I didn't look miserable or awkward. There was no reason for me to be weird about him. Except there was, he just didn't know about it. I hadn't wanted to tell him yet. But it felt like there was something cosmic about the universe throwing our paths together so soon after Izzie had confronted me about it.

"What can I help you with?" I asked politely.

"I was just hoping that we could talk," Jackson shrugged his shoulders and tucked his hands into the front pocket of his hoodie. "Maybe I could get your number or something."

Oh. That was almost sweet.

"It's uh, it's on the card that I gave Alex." It was easier to relax then. "If Izzie talks to him as much as she seems to, then I am sure she already knows all about what happened between us."

"He does," he chuckled and gave a nonchalant smile. "It was a good night. No point in not sharing about it."

"Yeah." Could I have been any more awkward about it?

It may have been a one night stand, and it may not have been the first one that I had done in my life, but I wasn't a wild child. I never had been. I just had moments where I wanted to let loose more than anything in the world and I could use alcohol as an excuse for letting go of the inhibitions that normally held me back in other aspects of life, but it was something that ran deeper than that. So much of my life had been micromanaged. I wanted to do the impulsive, crazy, fun thing every once in a while.

"Everything with Deluca really is going to be alright, yeah?" He questioned with a raise of his eyebrows. "He's a little shithead sometimes, but he's a good guy. Wouldn't want anything happening to him."

"Yeah, it should be." I nodded. "But addiction can be a beast."

"He's not an addict." Jackson shook his head, brows drawing down in a furrow.

"He nearly overdosed on cocaine, Jackson." I nearly scoffed. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." He reaffirmed. "It's just a recreational thing, once in a blue moon. We all do it from time to time but none of us are addicted to it, trust me. It was just a party last night, that's all. Nothing more to it." That was a little disturbing to know, but perhaps more predictable than I would have liked.

Another reason that he probably didn't want to be a father.

"Well, that's good to know." I took a deep breath and sighed. "But you might want to lay it off for a bit and give him some time to recover unless you want him to die." Addiction is one thing. Recreational use was a whole different ball field.

"Right, we'll keep that in mind." He agreed with a nod of his head, his gaze shifting over me. "Is something wrong?"

"No," I replied too quickly. "Why would you think that?"

"I don't know. You seem tense." He concluded. "Definitely different from the girl that I met in a bar."

"I'm at work." My brow furrowed. "It's not exactly like I can just start belting out Queen and screw someone in the back seat of my car. I'm a professional." Or at least, I was trying very hard to still be one. Something about him being here seemed to make that very challenging.

 _Please, please don't question it._

"Fair enough," Jackson chuckled. "You sure everything's alright?"

 _No_ , everything was not alright. I'm carrying your baby and I barely know you, and I'm barely ready to be a parent but I was pretty sure that you were no more ready than I was. There were about a million things that I could have said to him at the moment and yet none of it seemed right. The truth didn't feel right and neither did another lie. I was stuck between a rock and hard place, and that tiny gap out was obstructed.

"Maybe we could meet up after I get off work." There was no way that I was going to be able to do anything here if I did at all. I needed to keep my head screwed on tight while I was at work.

"Oh yeah?" Jackson's eyebrows raised. "I would be down with that."

"Great." A couple of hours to buy myself some time and figure out what exactly I was going to do.

"You wanna meet up and get some drinks?" I try not to cringe at the suggestion, even though there was nothing really wrong with other than the fact it would give away the truth immediately.

I shook my head. "How about we get dinner instead?" Probably too formal, but at least it was quieter than a bar and there was nothing weird about just drinking water. "I barely ate lunch and I know that I'm going to be starving by the time that we get out of here. There's a good burger place just around– and you're from here, so you probably already know what I'm talking about."

"Jack's Stack?" He questioned and I nodded my head. "Yeah, everyone knows it. Best damn onion rings on the coast."

"Yeah," I chuckled. "Let's meet there. Say, six o'clock?"

"Sounds like a plan."

"Great." I smiled. "I uh, I really do have to get back to work now, so I will see you tonight." I took a step back, giving a little wave of my fingers before turning on my heel to head back up to the psychiatry ward.

It's hard to tell if I feel better or worse.

Morning sickness chose a great time to come, not even letting me get to my office before I'm throwing myself into the bathroom and over a toilet. At least it confirmed one thing to be true about what I had told him, I was going to be hungry by the time that I got off of work.

The work day goes without anything more eventful happening. A surprise appointment comes up at the end of the day, but not late enough that it would make me late for the plans that I had with Jackson. I'm used to people coming by unannounced or calling at the last minute. I may not have had all of the spontaneity that worked in an emergency room did, even if I do get called down there frequently, but my job was still plenty spontaneous. Humans are frequently unpredictable with their highs and lows, both of which I'm tasked with handling. I see the extremes of it more than most people do. It's what I signed up for.

I can't decide if I should change at the end of the day. Scrubs are comfortable and homey for me. I need a little bit of comfort to hold onto, some kind of emotional support, just in case. I keep the navy blue on. It was fine – he knew that I was coming here from work.

His bike was already outside of the burger place. Or at least, I assumed it was his. I could tell it was a Harley Davidson but that was about it. Stepping inside, I spot him immediately.

"Hey!" Jackson called out, waving his hand at me.

I approached him quickly, breathing out heavily and smiling. "Hey."

"Order up. You said you were going to be starving." He waved me forward toward the line.

Stepping in front of him, I ordered a cheeseburger with avocado with a side of onion rings and a cup of water. I should be eating healthy, I am well aware of that. But the smell of burgers and other fried foods was strong and it just made me want something greasy to sink my teeth into. I listened to his order and he paid for both of us, grabbing our number and walking over toward a booth near the back to sit down. I stared at him for a moment before following him over. He had a nice butt.

Sinking down into the worn booth, I lifted the cup of water to my lips and took a long sip. I needed to tell him. He may not have been a boyfriend or had any real role in my life at this point, but he deserved to at least know the truth.

"Kind of surprised you wanted to meet up," Jackson huffed out. "You didn't seem happy to see me."

"I'm sorry," I breathed out. "I don't mean to seem rude."

"S'alright," he shrugged it off quickly. "It's not like we really know each other."

"Right." That was part of what scared me. I grabbed one of the napkins from the dispenser, picking at the corners nervously. "Yeah, we don't. I mean, I had a great time. You were a lot of fun. But we don't really know each other."

"Kinda sound like you want that to change." There was that flirtatious look in his eyes, just a little darker like he was trying to get inside of my panties again. I wish it was that easy. He had been good the first time, there was no denying that. As nice and simple as it would have been to just thinking about sex with him, my mind can't focus there. It was too preoccupied with what can come from sex. What already had.

Chewing at the inside of my cheek, I took a deep breath. "Well, there is something I'd like to tell you."

"What's that?" He asked.

"I'm pregnant."

No beating around the bush or hesitation about it, I just let the words come straight out. There was no easy or cute way for me to tell him, not when we barely knew each other. I didn't expect him to be happy about it. No one goes into a nightstand expecting a baby to come out of it. It wasn't like he had even finished inside of me – the odds should have been against it, but it had still been enough, apparently.

But before Jackson got a chance to respond to it, the waiter with both of our meals comes down and sets them in front of us, giving the typical spiel about letting him know if we needed something else. Neither one of us said a word to him. It's enough to make him scurry off.

"You're pregnant?" Jackson finally questioned after a few still seconds.

"I am." I nodded.

"And it's mine?" The question made me cringe but I knew to expect it.

"Yep." I popped the syllable, trying and failing to be nonchalant about it. I picked up one of the onion rings from my plate and popped it into my mouth, chewing it slowly and avoiding looking directly at him. "Definitely yours."

"Holy shit." He leaned back in his seat, running his hand over the curls on his head.

He doesn't say anything more for a few long seconds and I force myself not to say anything. I don't want to make it worse or any more awkward than what it already was. He deserved a few moments to think about it given that I had been sitting on the information for three weeks now. He was probably already doing the math in his head, trying to figure out how far along I was. That was what I would have done. It'd been about two months since we had met, so the math wasn't hard to do.

Ten weeks down. Thirty more to go.

"Listen," I started and took a deep breath. "I understand if you want nothing to do with this. Honestly, I don't expect you to. I'm a doctor and you do what you do and… it's not exactly the most compatible thing, I get that. I'm not telling you because I expect anything out of you. I don't want money or anything else like that from you. I just thought that you had the right to know. And I figured that if you didn't hear it from me, then you were probably going to hear it from Alex or Izzie since she's pretty attached to him right now." Rambling comes out much easier than I would have liked, little control over the words that were flowing out of my mouth. Was it too soon to blame that on the hormones?

"Wait, what?" I'm grateful that he said something before I could go any further with my spiral. "Hold on a second. You just told me you're pregnant and now it's like you're already trying to throw me out of the picture without giving me some kind of chance."

Well, that was what I was trying to do.

"I mean…" I took a deep breath and looked up at him. "I don't really know what you expect me to say. You said it yourself, we don't know each other. We're not dating. I'm new to town and you just got out of jail, so uh, we definitely do not know each other at all." There were things about me that no one in this town knew – things that I didn't want anyone to know. The last thing I really needed was another man weaseling his way into his life, even if some of his had already settled into my uterus.

Matthew had been more than enough.

"Nah, nah, hold on." There he went again. I pressed my lips in a tight line, forcing myself to be silent. "This isn't the kind of thing that you can just throw at a guy and then pull the rug right from underneath him. You've got a freakin' baby growing inside of you."

"Yeah." At least there was no doubt he understood that it was. "Yeah, I do."

"That's… that's something." Even if he got that it was serious, it seemed like it was still taking Jackson a minute to wrap his head around all of it. That was fair. It wasn't like I had figured out all of my crap in five minutes. I'd taken the test again and again, and even then, it had taken a few more days for me to realize how real it was. The morning sickness had helped make it a reality.

"Like I said, I'm not going to try to tie you down with it. I just thought that you deserved to know the truth and that you deserved to hear it from me instead of through someone else." I reiterated my point, taking a deep breath before grabbing another sip of my water. My mouth was dry.

"I appreciate that, and I get it," Jackson nodded his head, speaking up a little quicker than he had before. "I just… wow. I mean, when you asked if I wanted to meet, I just figured that you wanted to have sex again."

"If only I were so simplistic." I gave a weak laugh. "But no. It's a baby."

Out of the blue, he gave a laugh with a wide smile blowing across his features. "That's amazing."

"You're happy about this?" I questioned, brows furrowing as I tilted my head at him.

I had tried to prepare myself for a lot of different reactions, but they had all been on the negative end of the spectrum, wanting to prepare for the worst… and well, I hadn't been hoping for the best, either. I had tried to be realistic about it. Yet it seemed like I had missed the one reaction that he was actually going to have. He wasn't horrified or ready to get the hell away from me. Those had been the two alternatives that I had teetered back and forth between the most. I guess I really didn't know him.

"Hell yeah, I am." Jackson beamed at me. Was almost caught off guard by how bright the smile was. "That's my kid."

"Oh." Finally, I allowed myself to smile back at him. "I uh, I have an ultrasound scheduled in two weeks." I wet my lips. "Do you want to come?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I do."


	3. Chapter 3

**_JACKSON_**

"I can't believe you've kept all of this old stuff for so long," I remarked.

"Oh, I held onto all of your father's old things." Mom shrugged her shoulders as she opened up another cardboard box. "They've been sitting in the storage shed for years with everything else. I know some of these have some of your old baby clothes in them."

"Thanks for doing all of this, Ma." I smiled up at her. "I know it's not exactly what you expected."

"Figured that you would knock up some biker whore and drag her around as your old lady," she laughed at me. "I'd say for your baby's sake, you managed to do one better than that. Don't expect that she's going to be sticking around for any of the club or old lady stuff, though. She's too smart for that." There was that all-knowing voice she always used.

Mom had spent the better part of her life inserting herself into everything. That wasn't just my business – she had her way working into anything that she wanted, whether it was my life, Dick's, or something going on with the club. When I had told her that one of the women I had met was pregnant with my kid, she had been quick to tell me about everything that she'd kept in one of the old storage sheds over the years. I knew she'd want a lot to do with the baby. She'd pretty much decided that she wanted to be the one to set up in a nursery in my place. That was no surprise. I didn't mind letting her. It wasn't like I knew anything about that stuff. She'd raised me and done a good enough job.

"It's not like the baby is coming out tomorrow, Ma. We don't have to get all of it done today." I chuckled as I glanced at her, picking up and unfolding one of the onesies that I assumed had been mine many, many years ago. "Take it easy."

"I am." She rolled her eyes at me. "I'll let you go through the rest of this on your own. I gotta go meet up with Dick."

"Alright. Thanks again." I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek as she passed me.

"Let me know how the ultrasound tomorrow goes." Mom patted my shoulder lightly.

"I will."

There was still plenty of boxes to be unpacked. I wasn't sure how she had managed to keep so much accumulated over the years. She'd packed away most of Dad's things pretty quickly after he had died. I hadn't been around for all of it, drunken or high nights and a couple of others in jail. She hadn't gotten rid of much between all of the baby stuff for me and his stuff – clothes, books, a couple of journals all within the beaten up boxes. Years of memories all confined inside of cardboard.

Even though I knew that Dad had written some here and there, I'd never actually read anything he wrote. I figured it was notes and minutes from all of the stuff that the club did, nothing more than that. Yet picking up one of the old, leather-bound books, I sink down into one of the chairs in the living room and open it up.

 _The true outlaw finds the balance between passion in his heart and the reason in his mind._

 _Einstein said that any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. But it takes a touch of genius and lots of courage to move something in the opposite direction. I'm realizing my touch of genius and courage are coming too little, too late._

 _I found myself lost in my own club. I fear most now._

Flipping through the pages of my father's old journals, the words written on it are some of the last that I expected to see. I don't get a good read through just skimming through a handful of pages, but none of it was in favor of the club. He'd died years ago, and things hadn't really changed. Dick had stepped up into his shoes in more ways than one, sure. But nothing he had ever said to me about it matched up with what I read through. Sure, he hadn't told me everything. That was just the way fathers and sons were. Something as big as this felt as if it should have at least been mentioned in passing.

"Huh." I went back to the beginning of the journal, reading through the first page. It's just an introduction to the beginning of the club, something I had heard from him and Alex's father. It's a familiar story. I set it down on my nightstand to go through later.

Maybe I should talk to Alex's dad.

It can't take up my thoughts for more than a night, though it does remain on my nightstand so I can flip through it. Everything was a little more about my future as a father instead of the past with my own father.

April had sent me a text with the information about her doctor and the time of the appointment. It was at the hospital that she worked at. It's nice to be there for something good for once, instead of because of someone overdosing or getting their ass kicked with some kind of shit going on in the club. This time, I was going to get a look at my kid. That was cool. She wasn't downstairs in the waiting room, so I get directions from a nurse and head upstairs.

I knocked on the door. "April? It's me."

"Come in," she called out.

Opening up the door, she was already laying down on a table with her shirt pulled up. There's barely a little bump there – maybe if I hadn't seen her naked before, I wouldn't have noticed it. It was just barely there. Her breasts looked bigger, too.

"Hey," I smiled at her, stepping up toward her and gently touching her stomach with my fingertips. After a second, I pulled away. "Sorry."

"Hey." She gave a small smile. It was hard to tell if she was bothered. "Thanks for coming."

"Of course," I gave a nod of my head. "Where's the doc?"

"She should be here in just a minute." She answered. She reached over and grabbed a tube of some kind of gel, smearing it across her lower stomach. "This won't take very long. It's just… getting a little picture of the inside, making sure everything is okay, and confirming the due date, that kind of thing."

"Cool." I smiled at her. "Have you been having a lot of symptoms? My mom told me that she had the worst morning sickness when she was pregnant with me."

April nodded her head slightly, gaze snapping to the door when it opened. "Hi, Lucy."

"Hey, April." The blonde turned toward me, extending her hand. "I'm Dr. Fields. I assume that you're the baby's father?"

"Yeah, I am." I shook her hand, watching the way that she looked at me. I know how I looked to most people – I've always been a big guy, and the beard and growing curls give me an intimidating look. Being black didn't do any favors with a lot of people. I'm not completely covered in tattoos, at least, most of them covered by a shirt beyond a couple symbols on my fingers. Whatever we named this kid, though, that was going to be a tattoo to add to the collection. "Jackson Avery."

"Nice to meet you, Jackson." She offered and stepped over toward April's other side, moving some of the equipment closer to her. "April, you think you're about twelve weeks along, correct?"

"Yep." April nodded.

"Well, let's take a look and see how close to correct you are."

I watched as she grabbed some kind of tool and began to press it against the gel on April's stomach, moving it back and forth across her pale skin. On the monitor in front of Dr. Fields, blurry images began to appear, just gray and white orbs against a black background. It was hard to make any sense of what was on the screen. A little more staring and I begin to see what looks like a nose and forehead.

"That's the baby?" I asked.

"It is," Dr. Fields confirmed.

"Holy shit," I swore, leaning closer to try and get a better look at it. There aren't a lot of details to see. A little outline of a face, legs sticking up. But it definitely looked like a baby. My baby.

"It's pretty cool, isn't it?" April was already looking at me when I turned my head toward her.

"Yeah, it is." There was no other way to describe it. He looked like an actual human. His legs were moving. "Can you feel that? The moving?" I asked and she shook her head no. I felt a sense of duty to protect this little dot inside of her, and her. She had my kid inside of her. I had to do everything that I could to take care of both of them.

"It's too soon for that," Dr. Fields spoke. "April, you are measuring at twelve weeks and three days."

I ran my hand over my face. "Wow. So that's – what, end of March? April?"

"The due date is April 9th." The doctor confirmed as she printed out a hard copy of the baby.

"Damn." It was the end of September now, yet somehow that didn't seem to be so far away. In the spring, we were going to have a kid. I was going to be a dad. "Awesome."

"Thank you, Dr. Fields," April spoke with a smile. Dr. Fields handed her the copy of the ultrasound. "I appreciate it."

"Of course," she moved toward the door. "Let me know if you need anything else."

The doctor stepped out of the room to leave us be. April wiped down her stomach and pulled her shirt back to cover it. I can't see the bump quite as clear when it's not bared. I wonder how much weight she had gained. How much weight were pregnant women supposed to gain?

"That really is pretty cool," I jabbered.

"Yeah." She smiled genuinely. "It… it gets cooler, too, when the baby gets bigger. They have 3D ultrasounds so you can see their face and everything. And then once you start feeling them move, apparently, it's magical." Suddenly, she seemed just as enthusiastic about it as I was. Before, she had seemed timid. "Oh, hold on."

I heard her phone vibrating as she pulled it out. But April only looked at it for a moment, brows furrowed and a frown ruining her expression as she quickly declined the call and put her phone back.

"Everything okay?" I asked.

"Yeah," she answered quickly. "Just those stupid sales calls. I need to change my number."

"You know that won't actually stop any sales calls, right?" She rolled her eyes at my words. "Everyone gets them."

There was a tense silence between us for a few moments. I don't want to just walk away from her after seeing our kid, or ask when I should show up again. I didn't want to be like that. Even if her getting knocked up was pretty much the last thing that I had expected, I'd always wanted to be a dad one day. My mom had been right about one thing, for sure – she was a lot better of an option than all of the other women who came and went from my life and bedroom. She was smart, independent, not just one of those girls looking to settle down with a biker. I liked it.

"Do you want to come over?" I asked suddenly, looking down at her and tucking my hands into my pockets. "My mom's been helping me unpack a bunch of the old stuff she still had from when I was a baby. Setting up a nursery for him, you know, that kind of thing."

"Why?" April questioned, her brows furrowed. "It might not be a boy."

"Well I told her about the baby, obviously," I explained. "She wants to help. She's good at the whole mom thing. Think she's been waiting for me to have a kid so she could clear out that storage shed."

"Uh–" she stuttered, wetting her lips. "I mean, sure, I'll come to look. It just… I don't know. I mean, I kind of figured that the only nursery was going to be at my place."

"What does that mean?" I questioned, prickling up with tension.

Her sigh was loud. "I mean, I didn't think that you would want to be… that hands on about it. Being a parent is a full-time job. I know you have the mechanic thing that you do or whatever, but I kind of figured the club was your full-time job. That doesn't seem like the type of place that's going to give you a paid paternity leave or anything like that. I didn't think you'd actually want to... you know."

"I'm not worried about money." The club always took care of its own, no matter what the circumstances were. "Why wouldn't I want to be a parent?"

"I don't know." April's lips pursed together. "I really don't. Because I don't know you, remember? We're just two people who are having a baby together. That's it. And I don't exactly have the best history with men, so yes, I am going to hold you at an arm's length until… until I feel more comfortable with the roles that we are currently playing together." Huh. "But if you want me to come over and see what you have, then sure. I will."

"Alright."

It was probably a good thing that she had to follow me on my bike in her car because I could only imagine how awkward the two of us in her car together would have been. I guess she had a bad history with men and that was why she was holding me at such an arm's length. But that was still my kid, and I wanted to have a role in their life. Not just some distant asshole. My dad had been good to me. I owed it to my kid to pass that onto him. But it was out of more than obligation. This was what I wanted to do.

My place isn't close to the hospital but Eureka was small enough that it didn't exactly matter. We were both there within a matter of minutes. I parked my bike in the driver, getting off and turning back to wait for her to get out of her parked car.

"This is your place? Or… your Mom's?" April questioned.

"Just mine," I glanced back at the house. It's not big, just a two-bedroom place, but it had always been enough for me.

"Okay," she nodded her head, following me up to the front door. "It looks nice."

I opened up the front door for her, motioning her inside. "Thanks."

Stepping in once April was inside, I pulled the door shut behind me. It's not much lately given that I had spent such an extended time in jail, and I tended to spend more time at the clubhouse than I did my own home. The people there were family, after all. The walls are plain and there was not a lot of colors. At least I didn't have dirty laundry everywhere.

"How long have you lived here?" She asked, glancing back at me.

"Moved in about a year before I went to jail." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Oh," April breathed out and gave another glance around before looking at me again. "Where's uh, the proposed nursery?"

"This way." I led her back. "Room's right next to mine."

Pushing open the bedroom door, nothing is particularly impressive or set up. One wall still had boxes along it that needed to be unpacked. But there was a car seat on the floor, a dresser with a stack of unpacked baby clothes and beanies from when I had been little. There's a start there. This room of the house probably had the best natural light with two large windows facing west.

"It's not much yet…" I admitted sheepishly, rubbing the back of my neck. "But it's a start. I thought I'd put the crib by the window, you know, let the kid get some sunshine. I figured if he's half yours, he's going to need it." I joked.

"It's a nice thought." April smiled at me. For a moment, I believed she meant it. She walked by the line of boxes, fingers trailing across the worn cardboard and tilting her head curiously as she stopped at an open one. It wasn't filled with baby stuff, I knew that. It was more of my dad's stuff. "What's all of this?"

"My dad's." I wet my lips. "He died when I was eighteen. Ma put all of his stuff in the storage shed."

"Oh," she breathed out. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"S'alright, it happens." I brushed it off. "Kind of nice to go through all of his old stuff too, you know? Giving me some stuff to think about that I didn't have before." Even if I wasn't sure how to approach the things that I had read from his journals, a part of me was itching to talk about it. But I knew April wouldn't understand it. How could she? She hadn't grown up in this life as I had.

She nodded and turned to face me. "Are you really serious about this?" She asked me, shifting topics suddenly.

"I am." I reaffirmed.

"I don't want you to think that I'm not excited about this, because that couldn't be further from the truth. I'm just… it makes me nervous to be doing this with someone that I don't know very well. Someone that, and don't take this the wrong way… maybe isn't the first that I would pick. Because of the obvious reasons. I mean, first of all, thousands of people die in motorcycle accidents every year. It's super deadly. I don't know if your club is outlaws or crime-infested or whatever the term for it is, but I don't want to raise my kid looking up to that kind of thing. I want them to respect the rules." Her arms were folded in front of her ribcage as she spoke, shrinking back from me.

"Listen, we've still got a lot of things to learn about each other, okay?" My brow furrowed as I stared down at her. "I don't want you to look at that stuff and think that I can't be a good father. Alright? Because I can be one. I will be one. You just have to give me a chance to prove it instead of jumping to all of these snap judgments and then trying to run away from them."

"If I ask you questions about the club, will you be honest with me?" April asked.

When it comes to women, there's pretty much two ways to deal with them in this life. Tell them everything or tell them nothing. I wasn't sure that she was ready to hear everything without running in the other direction.

"I'll try to be." I couldn't directly tell her no. "What do you want to know?"

"Do you sell drugs? Or grow or whatever…" She asked.

"No. No, we don't." I shook my head. "A couple of us use recreationally now and then, parties, that kind of thing. But the club doesn't produce or sell drugs. That's not our type of thing." At least that was an answer that I could be honest about.

"Good." She quipped, taking a deep breath and glancing down at the boxes. "Izzie told me about the auto shop you guys all hang out. That there are always a bunch of women around. You don't have any kind of prostitution going on there either, do you?"

"Nope." I popped the syllable. I was glad she was asking questions I could be honest about.

"Also good…" she nodded, wetting her lips slightly.

I stepped toward her, dropping my head down slightly so the height difference between us isn't quite so noticeable. "We're good guys, red. I know we might not look like it and we aren't exactly a traditional group, but we're not a bunch of assholes or drug-slinging scum bags. I promise. We just have a different way of going through life compared to most people. And we really like our bikes." I smiled.

"You probably could look a little less intimidating. You're giant and you have the caveman look going right now." She pointed out my beard and hair. "But I'm glad you're not into drugs and prostitutes. That makes me feel a little better."

"Whatever you need me to do, I'll do it." That was something I meant. "Including getting to know each other. Why don't I take you out to dinner one day this week?"

"Really?" I nodded my head. "Okay. Sure. We can do that."

It's a start.

That night when it was just me in the house, I pick up a new razor to deal with the curls on top of my head. Maybe April would take it as some type of obvious sign that I was trying. Hunched over the bathroom sink, it takes a bit of time to get all of the curls that I had grown out in prison off of my head and into the basin. It's been a long time since my hair was this short.

Running both hands over the sides of my head once all of the curls were gone, I stared at my reflection for a moment. I look a little younger without all of the curls. I should get rid of my beard, too, but that was just a little too much change for the moment. I like having some hair on my face – I'd never liked the baby faced look that Mom seemed to love. It's a little protection from some of the windburn when I'm on my bike. I leave it be for now. If I changed my mind, I could always just shave it another day.

The clubhouse is noisy when I get there. Typical.

With the shop out front closed down the day, there was music playing and a couple of the usual girls who hang around lurking with beers and skimpy tops. Lexie gives me a longing look as I came in. I'd slept with her a few times – a good, reliable fuck. But she's not anywhere near the forefront of my mind right now, even if the white tank top she's got on is damn near see through. I head over to the table where the guys are gathered, dragging out the chair next to Alex and sitting down.

"Hey, how'd that baby shit go?" He asked.

"Good," I nodded. "I got a picture of it. Actually looks like a baby even though it's not due till April."

"Congrats, kid," Dick said.

"Can't believe you managed to knock up a hot doctor," Deluca chuckled with a shake of his head. "All of the girls here are howling with jealousy. Pissed that it's not them."

"Your sister one of them?" Alex mocked, kicking his chair underneath the table.

"Oh, shut it."

Owen cleared his throat to get our attention. "Listen, we gotta sort out this gun shit before we get any more heat with it." He spoke up. "We're gonna have a shortage of guns this month and the last thing we need is any kind of backfiring with this shit. With the turf war going on between the Mexicans and the 13s, we don't need that shit blowing up in our face if we can only sell to one side." That was the way that things were likely to turn out.

"Maybe we don't sell to either side. Take a step back for a minute." It's my father's words in my head that influenced what came out of my mouth. He hadn't been in favor of the gun running with the Italians.

"That's not going to happen," Deluca said. He was the one with the connections there, after all. It was in his blood.

"No way," Alex agreed with a nod of his head.

"It's a good source of money for the club," Dick spoke up, looking directly at me. "We just gotta figure out a way to handle the fallout because neither side is gonna like whatever we end up doing. Figure the only way to handle it is to short how much they each get."

"Club is doing good on money." I reminded him. "What's the harm in taking a step back just for a month? It's not like running guns was the reason that the MC was formed in the first place."

"We're not stepping back." The way that Dick said it made it clear that his word was final.

Even though it was normally the kind of conversation that I would have remained involved in and made sure that my voice was heard, it was clear that Dick did not have any interest in hearing what I thought at the moment. I back off and stay silent with my opinion, nodding here and there as others around the table spoke. I don't particularly want to piss him off tonight. It would have been a pain in the ass to deal with.

By the time that their minds had been made up about how to handle the two different clubs and what bullshit story they were going to tell them about our supplier, I'm pretty much ready to head back to my house with a beer. Alex doesn't let me go quite so easily.

"Hey, what was that earlier?" He questioned. I don't need him to elaborate.

"Just been going through some of my dad's old stuff. You know, reading about him talk when he and your old man were forming the club, that kind of thing. It got me thinking." I sighed. "That and the whole father thing. It's a lot to think about."

"Yeah, I can't imagine," Alex chuckled and shook his head. "You're way in over your head. Dating a doctor isn't like anything else.

"Well, we're not dating." I shrugged a shoulder. "She's just pregnant."

"You're lucky then," he remarked. "You can get laid without all the complications of it. It's nice, though, 'cause Izzie is an oncologist. She's trying to help out with my dad's cancer and shit."

"How is your dad, anyway?" I asked with my brow raised.

He sighed. "Eh, could be worse. Last round of chemo really took it out of him, I think. He's not gonna be back on a bike any time soon."

"That shit sucks," I leaned back in my chair. "Think I could talk to him any time soon?"

"Yeah, sure," Alex nodded. His eyes drifted over my shoulder, a smirk growing across his expression. "But I'm pretty sure that someone else wants to talk to you first."

Looking over my shoulder to see what he was talking about, Lexie was walking over toward us with a certain sway to her hips. Each one of us knew what that meant. He'd slept with her, too. I wasn't sure that anyone here under forty hadn't slept with her at some point or another. She was funny, charming. And we were all pretty damn far from celibate. None of us had a problem with sharing.

"Hey, Lexie," I smiled at her.

"Hi there." A smile curled on her lips. "I hear congratulations are in order, daddy." My eyes rolled.

"Thanks," I replied.

"Yet he's still not tied down." Alex kicked my chair, a less than subtle hint. He'd seemed to settle somewhat well with Izzie for now, but it seemed as if nothing had really changed with him. "Lucky you."

"Lucky me indeed." One of her hands went to my shoulder, rubbing the back of it. "I'm sure you must have a lot of stress on your plate with a baby coming."

"It's not so bad." I shrugged it off just a bit. Normally I was happy to let her be all over me, but tonight, it just wasn't there.

Alex didn't care about that, though. "I'll leave you two be."

"So," Lexie folded her arms, not even bothering to fill the seat that Alex had vacated. "What do you say me and you head out back? I think a proper congratulations is in order."

"Maybe next time." I hoped she wouldn't be too offended by the rejection. "Got some stuff to take care of tonight."

That was a complete lie. I didn't have anything that needed to be taken care of tonight but I didn't feel right saying yes to her, even for just a blowjob, when I had April on my mind much more than I was thinking about her. At least saying next time wasn't a complete lie – I knew that she was good with her mouth and plenty enthusiastic. I wouldn't mind saying yes on a day where I hadn't seen my kid inside of another woman.

I don't linger around to avoid making her feel like shit, finishing off my beer and heading home toward the night. When I get home that night, I turn on the lamp beside my bed and put on my glasses, beginning to read through my father's journals and paying attention to all the details.

Reading through the journals only offered so much knowledge and little peace of mind. It was everything against what Dick preached and believed in, the things that the club did nowadays seeming like a different reality compared to what my father wished for and wrote about. He didn't want violence and gun peddling as we had now. He wanted the family, the distance and apathy to society's standardized views, the life on the road and appreciating it for what it was. We'd strayed far from the vision that he wanted. It'd made no sense that I had never heard any of this before. It contradicted everything that Mom and Dick had told me since, when I had begun to take a bigger role of leadership in the club.

About a week later, I get the chance to visit Alex's father when he's at the hospital. He's there a lot lately, much more than he was the clubhouse. It was the only place where I could talk to him without the others interrupting.

"Hey, Jimmy." I sat down across from him. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit," he chuckled. He was thinner than the last time I had seen him. "What's on your mind? You never come to see me here."

"Been going through some of Dad's old stuff," I admitted, shrugging a shoulder. "You know, opening up all of those old boxes looking for baby stuff. I came across some of his old journals. Got… confused by a lot of the stuff going on in there."

"Heard about the kid, congrats." His voice was raspy. "What are you confused about?"

"When you and Dad started the MC, did you want to get involved in guns?" I asked directly. There was no point screwing around with it. I trusted Jimmy. He'd had some problems over the years but he had been a loyal friend to my father.

He sighed. "So that's what he wrote about in his journals, huh?"

"Yeah."

"It wasn't the plan, kid. I'll tell you that much." Jimmy answered. "But things change. Your old man knew that. The club had to adjust. It's never as perfect as he wanted things to be. He was an… idealist, to say the least."

It's a long conversation with Jimmy. But there's too much to think about – what he and Dad had both wanted when they first started out with this, the kind of longterm thoughts that they had when planning it out. Maybe they had been a little naive at the beginning, but looking at where the club was now and all of the crap that we were involved in, it was a long fall. I wondered if we would be where we were in Dad hadn't died when he had. It was hard to know, but it almost seemed unlikely. He knew how to adapt to change, but he had also been stubborn. I had gotten that from him.

But I'm already at the hospital. It would have been just a shame to go home without stopping by April's office and seeing if she was around. It's not a planned date but it was better than nothing.

Remembering where her office was is easy. The fifth floor of the hospital seemed to be a bit quieter than the first one. None of the nurses looking on the floor stop me when they see me pass by, but I don't miss the fact that they do all pause to stare at me. Her door was shut, opaque window making it impossible to see if she or anyone else was inside of it. I knocked on the glass, just below where her name was written in bold.

"Yes?" April called out.

"Hey. It's me."

There was a pause and I could hear something shuffling around on the other side of the door. But it was only a few seconds before the door opened and she was standing on the other side of it, brows drew together as she stared up at me.

"What are you doing here?" She asked. "You're not hurt, are you?"

"Nah, nothing like that." I shook my head. "Visiting Alex's old man downstairs, that's all. I thought I'd pop by since I was already here." I smiled at you. "You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," she nodded. "I just finished up with my last patient of the day. You shaved off your hair. You look nice."

"Total nut job?" I suggested with a raise of my brow.

Hazel eyes rolled at me. "No. And that's a little offensive. Plenty of people have to see a psychiatrist at some point in their life for one reason or another. It's no different than seeing a cardiologist or a neurologist." She defended.

"Alright, alright," I threw my hands up defensively before letting them drop down by side again. "You know, it kind of looks like your showing a little." Or maybe I was just staring too much. I reached to touch her stomach before stopping myself. "Do you mind?" I asked.

"No, it's okay."

Placing my hand on her stomach, it almost seemed to cover all of it. I can feel the bump there compared to the first time that I had my hands all over her, crammed in the back seat of her car. It's just barely there, her stomach more firm than it had been before. No movement yet, it was still too early for that, apparently. I'd done a little bit of research on it. That was four to five months and we were just past three.

"You're not feeling nauseous or anything like that, are you?" Maybe I can't do much to help her physically right now, but I'd feel like a dick if I didn't at least ask. I wanted her to know that I was invested and that seemed like it was going to be a challenge.

"No, no, nothing like that." She shook her head. "I've moved onto other symptoms."

"Like what?" I asked.

Before she had the chance to give me an answer, her phone rang. I could hear it clearly this time and she sighed before pulling it out of her pocket to check and see who it was. She did the same thing that she had done in my presence that other time when someone had called – scowled at her phone and quickly dismissed the call. Sales calls were frequent and annoying, sure, but nothing worth getting worked up about as long as you didn't answer and try to argue with some scammer on the other end of the line. There was no reason for her to be bothered by that. Something else must have been going on.

"Everything okay?" I asked, glancing down at her phone as she pocketed it before looking up to her eyes. There was something there that I couldn't quite place my finger on. I didn't know her well enough yet to read her like that.

"Yeah." She took a deep breath, looking up at me with a smile. "That uh, other symptoms, though…"

"What is it?"

"Any interest in having sex again?" Damn. That was the last thing I had expected her to ask – and the best possible surprise.

A smile grew across my face and I turned away from her for a moment, turning the lock on her office door before I faced her again. My eyes skimmed over her frame once more, the softer curves and the fuller breasts than from before. No way that I was going to be able to say no to anything that she asked me to do to her.

"Yeah, I think that can be arranged."


	4. Chapter 4

**_APRIL_**

"You're starting to show now," Amelia observed.

"Shut up."

"Don't be so moody," she quipped with a roll of her eyes. "You're what, fifteen weeks now? You're supposed to be showing. It's not like it was going to stay hidden forever."

My nose scrunched up, bringing my cup of coffee closer to my lips and taking a long sip. "I thought it was generally not accepted to comment on someone else's weight these days. Why does that, and so many other general rules, just seem to fly out the window the moment that a woman is open about her pregnancy?" She may not have been to blame for all of it, but at least it might make her feel just guilty enough to back off.

"You know that I am a big, bad, loud feminist. Don't lie to yourself." Her eyebrows raised. "But there is nothing weird about pointing out the obvious. Your belly is just out there. Little ol biker baby belly."

"You're just irritated because you never slept with that redheaded one," I suggested with a smirk.

"Oh, I did." She blurted out to my surprise. "Just didn't like him as much once he opened his mouth. Typical male."

"That does sound like you," I observed, picking at the plastic of the lid of my coffee with my nail. "And it doesn't surprise me. I still don't know Alex that well and I barely feel like I know Jackson, but… neither one of them seems like the typical biker guy, you know? Like the type that you would see in a movie or television show. I guess they have to be the anomalies."

"You must be getting to know him somewhat well," Izzie's voice snuck up on the both of us. She grabbed my shoulders and gave them a little squeeze. "You've been on two dates now."

"Mmm, if it doesn't work out with your boyfriend, I wouldn't mind taking a swing in that ballpark," Amelia commented with her signature smirk. She rarely had any sort of shame. It didn't quite settle well with me when it was about Jackson.

"He's not my boyfriend." I shook my head. "He's just… him. My baby daddy, I guess."

Izzie elbowed me playfully. "Are you sure that's all you want him to be?" Plucked eyebrows formed perfect arches on her forehead. "Because you sure did seem pretty giddy after both dates you went on. And that one time that he came and visited you in your office."

It was a fair question that I didn't quite have an answer because I didn't know what I wanted from him. Whatever it was, he had managed to defy my expectations by showing up so prominently and so loudly for the baby – even just beyond going to the ultrasound. He wanted to set up a nursery. I still didn't know how that was going to work but I had conceded to not talking about it for a little longer and working on my own nursery. Navigating complicated subjects wasn't easy without really knowing one another. That was the purpose of the two dates we had been on so far. The more that I knew him, the more that I found myself liking and thinking about him. The number wasn't going to stay as two dates.

That made me more nervous than I could imagine.

"I just want to figure out how we're going to raise a kid together. Baby steps. Literally." I forced a tight smile across my lips. "Whatever happens will happen, but I'm trying to have some priorities right now."

"Very responsible." It was difficult to tell if Amelia was being sarcastic or not.

"I just don't want things to be complicated." I forced a smile across my lips. "That is all I want and I would like to think that it's not asking for too much."

"It's not," Izzie chimed in. "It's just what you deserve. You should have some happy family life."

"Thank you."

Glancing at my watch, I was relieved to see the end of my shift was coming around. The swollen ankles had started earlier than I had expected them to and I wanted to take a long nap that moment I got home. Growing a baby was more energy than I had ever realized when I was in medical school or did my rotation in obstetrics. Experiencing it was much different than reciting off facts about it or watching someone else live through it. When it came to things like depression and anxiety that I treated on a daily basis, that I had even struggled with at points in my life, that was much easier for me.

The only positive thing was that with the dates had come a few rounds of mind-blowing sex. The Internet was right. Sex while pregnant really could be amazing if you had a good partner with all of the increased blood flow. I was enjoying that a lot.

As my friends meandered off to get back to their jobs before they had to go home, I stayed where I was seated for a moment longer. It wasn't a busy day for me. I appreciated the little break.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I let out an annoyed sigh before I could even pull the phone out of my pocket. Thumbing the volume button to turn it down slightly, I was surprised to see there was actually a contact name instead of one of the various random numbers that I had been blocking in the past few weeks. Jackson was calling me. That was abnormal. Usually, he just sent me a text if he wanted something.

"Hello?" I answered, leaning back in my seat.

"April? You there?" He spoke quickly into the phone, nearly muffled by how close his mouth must have been to the speaker.

"Yeah…" I replied slowly. "What's going on? It's loud."

"I need you to get over here." He barked through the phone. "There's an emergency at the clubhouse – you gotta get here, okay? We need your help. Just come to the clubhouse right now. Bring your medical bag or whatever."

"Jackson– the clubhouse? What happened? What are you talking about?" Questions flowed out, trying to decipher what all of the yelling was going on in the background.

"The auto shop! The back building of it. Just get here as soon as you can. Please. I gotta go."

Without another word, the monotonous buzz of a hung up call droned through the line. I sat there for a moment in shock before finally hanging up the line and pushing my phone into my back pocket. That wasn't the kind of call that I had ever gotten before. Jackson hadn't struck me as the demanding type and that was something that I liked about him, but right now, it felt as if I didn't have a choice but to go over there and figure out what was going on. If anything, it felt like it was a part of my oath.

I have to type the name of the auto shop on my phone as I walk to my car in order to get directions there. It's not far from the hospital fortunately. In just under ten minutes, I'm turning into the parking lot and grabbing my bag to jog inside, past the exterior of the and into trying to figure out what in the world was going on.

Broken items were scattered across the floor and it was still just as loud as it had been on the phone. Squinting at the splinter in a pool table, it took a moment for my brain to process that there was a bullet hole in it. That's what all of the damage was – from bullets. There was blood but no bodies. Had they cleaned it up before I had gotten here? Had people died here? Why had Jackson called me instead of the police or an ambulance?

Standing there with my mouth agape like an idiot, I finally looked up and spotted Jackson. It seemed like no one else had even managed that I had walked in among all of the other chaos that was going on.

"What happened?" I called out to him.

"Fight," he answered gruffly, waving me over with his hand. Bloodstains were on his palm. "Come here, I need your help. He got hit with a slug in the arm."

"Jackson–" I protested despite my feet moving toward him quickly. "I can't. You need a hospital."

"You're a doctor." He pointed out the obvious.

"But I'm not that kind of doctor! I'm a psychiatrist! You need an emergency room doctor or maybe a trauma surgeon. I don't know." My hands flew up with the words, looking at him with wide eyes as a few others turned to look at us.

"Jackson, I thought you said that she could help." An older male spoke, looking straight at me. "Otherwise she doesn't need to be here. Don't care if she's your old woman."

"I'm his what–?" I didn't get a chance to go far with that comment.

"She can help." Jackson interrupted me quickly, looking at the other male for a moment before turning toward me and lowering his voice. "It's just a bullet wound. We just need you to get it out and make sure that he doesn't die, okay? You went to medical school. I know you know how to do this. Please, just help us. It's a one-time thing."

A frown dug deeper into the corner of my lips, sigh separating them slightly before I gave in with a nod of my head. "Yes. Fine, I can do it." I agreed.

"Thank you," he breathed out.

"But stay where you are. I'm going to need an extra pair of hands to give me stuff." I requested, teeth digging harshly into my lower lip as I set the bag of supplies that I had brought up on the table. It wasn't that much more advanced than any regular first aid kit but it should be enough to get the job done. Snapping on a pair of gloves from it, a heavier sigh passed through my lips as I looked at the unconscious male. "Who is that?" I asked.

"Doesn't matter," Jackson answered with a shake of his head, glancing around the room. "He's just someone that needs your help right now."

"I feel like I'm pulling a bullet out of him, I should know who he is," I muttered under my breath.

One of the men standing around grumbled. "Just get it out of him."

"We'll talk later, I promise," Jackson whispered to me as he moved closer, glancing at some of the supplies that I had brought with me. "What do you need me to do?" He asked.

"First, move your hand. I need to see how much it's bleeding." I instructed.

"Seems like a bad idea," the first male that spoke chimed in. "He was bleeding bad earlier."

"Are you a doctor?" I snapped at him, whipping my head around to glare.

"Maybe you guys should clear the room," Jackson suggested, clearing his throat and glancing around. I took a deep breath through my nose, eyes shutting for a moment and trying to blame the lashing out just on all of the hormones. I wished that Mark or Dr. Ford were here to make sure I did it correctly. "Give her a little space."

It took a moment for them to consider his words before a few nods were given and all of the other men in the room began to clear out. It was easier to see the damage that had been done to the clubhouse without blocking to him. All of the damage looked like it belonged on the set of the movie, not the place that my baby daddy apparently spent all of his free time. That was freaky.

"I can't believe I'm doing this," I mumbled to myself.

"I'm gonna be right here, alright?" He looked at me, giving a firm nod of his head. "Do you really want me to remove my hand now?" He asked.

"Yes, I do."

As his hand pulled away from covering the wound and applying pressure to keep the man from bleeding out, blood began to pour out of the wound. Wherever the bullet was lodged, it wasn't enough to cauterize the wound and keep him from bleeding out. Most bullets that hit the human body didn't need to actually be removed – it could cause more damage than the bullet did in the first place, particularly by someone like me who didn't know what they were doing. But this looked like it wasn't going to be one of those cases. Dammit.

"Okay, give me that blue band. I need to tie off his arm so he doesn't bleed out while I fix this." I requested. Once he handed it over to me, I tied off his arm above where the wound was. Letting go off his arm and the wound, I was relieved when the blood flow didn't continue so profusely.

"He doesn't really need a hospital, does he?" Jackson questioned.

"Well, he would be a lot better off if he was at one. An x-ray would be a good start." I glanced up at him. "But I can probably do it."

"I believe you." The thought was sweet, but right now, it didn't change much.

Feeling around his arm, it took a moment to feel the bullet. It had almost gone all the way through but hadn't quite come out the other side. It was a good thing they were unconscious.

"I'm going to have to do another incision here in order to get the bullet out," I muttered, wetting my lips. "So I'm going to need you to hold him up on his side so I can see what I'm doing."

"Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously." Probably not what he wanted to hear. I reached into my bag to pull out gauze and bandages. "Otherwise I'm going to screw up his arm in all kinds of ways and I don't think you want that to happen."

"Alright, alright," he gave in with a sigh and nod of his head. He grabbed onto the man and hauled him up to his side without the man waking up. That was concerning. Picking up the blade that was kept in the kit, I felt his arm one more time. I could feel the bullet there. It was impossible to doubt the location.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed the blade into his skin and watched the blood that comes out immediately as it cut through. After a moment, the man was no longer unconscious, howling out in pain.

"Hold him still!" I yelled.

It took a moment for Jackson to get a strong enough grip on the man to hold him still. Trying not to freak out at what I was doing, I dug my fingers inside of the cut that I had made and got a grip onto the metal bullet inside of his arm, pulling it out and letting it clatter against the table. "There. It's out." I announced with a shaky breath, placing my hand over the newer open wound to make sure that it was okay. "The bullet's out. You're going to be fine." Hopefully.

"Jesus fuckin' Christ!" The man yelled with a groan, trying to move but Jackson continued to hold onto him. "Did you really have to cut into me again? Fuck, man."

"Yes, I did, if you wanted to live." I retorted. All of the doubt was getting to me. I would doubt myself. But they couldn't doubt me.

"Calm down, man. She just saved your life." Jackson defended me.

"And now I need to do some stitches and clean you up to make sure that an infection doesn't kill you." I took a deep breath. "It shouldn't take long if you're willing to just stay still."

"Fine."

Stitches were something that I hadn't actually done since I was in medical school but they don't cause my hands to shake in the same way that they did when I cut into him. Stitching someone up is a lot easier. Most people can't get over the fact that it was human skin but once you could manage to push past that, it wasn't much more complicated than sowing in general. I'd been good at sowing when I was a kid. It was why I was good at stitches when I was in medical school. Now, I was a little out of practice, but it doesn't take me long to stitch the man up and clean up his injuries, wrapping them to try and prevent a future infection.

Pulling the hands off of my gloves and tossing them into the nearest trashcan with another sigh, I rested my hand on my stomach. So much for the rest of my work day being relaxing.

"Are you going to explain to me what all of that crap was now?" I demanded as I turned to Jackson.

"It's, uh…" he sighed out as he looked around. There was no way that he could deny all of the destruction that had broken out by the presumable amount of gun violence that had taken place in here earlier. "I don't think you really want to know the answer, April."

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't want to know the answer." I scowled. "I thought we were being honest with each other. You said that the club wasn't involved in any shady stuff."

"I didn't say that." He disagreed. "I said we weren't involved in drugs and prostitution, liked you asked. I didn't lie to you."

"Well, you didn't tell me the truth."

Quickly, I began packing up the items in my bag. If he wasn't going to tell me what was going on and his club was involved in some kind of violence like this, there was no reason for me to be around him and there was certainly no way that he had business raising any kind of child. There was little that I hated more than gun violence. It was pointless and all about politics and money. That was one belief that I would not change or cave on.

"April, hold on a minute." He grabbed my arm. "Don't go running out the door, okay? Let's just talk about this. I told you that I would be honest with you and I plan on keeping that secret."

"Oh, by just hoping I don't know what questions to ask?" I retorted, snatching my arm back.

"No, it's not that…" He sighed, looking around. "Listen, I can't really talk about this here with all of the other guys around, okay? But I do want to talk about it. Just somewhere else."

"I am not staying here so I guess that's a good thing." I huffed out, slinging the strap of my bag over my shoulder. "I am going home. I am going to scrub off the grossness of this day in a long hot shower and eat a tub of ice cream and try to forget about what you made me see and do today." Something to clear my head and kill the sugar craving that I officially had this week.

"Can I come over tonight? Please? After this shit gets cleaned up." He begged me.

"Do what you want." It's not a no. "Just don't bring any guns." I rolled my eyes.

As I walked out through the front of the shop, a couple of the guys that had been in the room stared at me and glanced down at my stomach. Maybe Amelia was more right about me showing than I wanted her to be. Their gazes made me uncomfortable, but it was for a completely different reason. None of them seemed to be bothered by all of the crap that had happened here today – they just wanted their friend not to die. I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact that there might have been people who died here. Was I obligated to report it to the police? It didn't seem like it fell under doctor-patient confidentiality.

Getting home, I do exactly as I plan to. I spend way too long in the shower just standing under the stream of hot water, trying to lose some of the tension in my shoulders. Stress wasn't good the baby but today had put me through an enormous amount of it. If I had done something wrong, I could have killed him instead of saved him.

The tub of Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia gets pulled out of the freezer before I bother with anything other than getting dressed. Wet hair dripping down the back of my shirt, I slouched into the couch and dug my spoon into the frozen, sugary goodness without hesitation. After swallowing a few mouthfuls I turn onto the TV to reruns of Law & Order for the sake of having something to stare at, even if I can't focus on the screen. Had I been complicit in something illegal today? Was I an accomplice?

About halfway through my pint of ice cream, there's a knock on the door. There was no doubt in my mind that it was Jackson – but what I didn't know was if he was coming with real answers or something to just try and mollify my emotions.

Getting up, I fling open the door to see him. I don't say a word, walking back in and sitting on the couch. Was it petty? A little.

"Hey," Jackson greeted me.

"Hi," I grumbled.

"Can we please talk about what happened today?" He asked me. I pointed at the empty chair in the living room with my spoon, still pouting at him just a bit. I'd been finally warming up to him and it felt like the rug had just been ripped out from underneath me.

Sure, I knew normal wasn't everything. I'd learned that. But still, after that…

"Say what you want to say." I couldn't deny him that. I would have been lying to myself if I said that I didn't want to know whatever it was that had happened today.

"I want to apologize for today. I didn't want to drag you into it but it was an emergency situation." He began.

"And yet I still have no idea how any of that happened," I interjected.

Jackson sat down in the chair that I had pointed out earlier, leaning forward with his hands folded together. His chin rested on his hand. "I know. I didn't want to talk about it in front of the guys because I don't know how they would feel about me telling you that kind of stuff. It's the club's business and we usually don't share it with outsiders."

"I thought you guys were supposed to be better than all of that sexist crap," I muttered.

"We are," he sighed out. "Well, most of us are. But things would be different if we were together, you know. They'd be fine with you knowing and being around because most of their women are. It's… different because we're not together."

A fair answer, even if I didn't want to give him any credit right now. "Well, are you going to tell me?"

"Yes." He nodded. "I am. That guy you saw today? Do you remember Deluca? It's one of his cousins from Italy. I was telling the truth when I told you that the club isn't involved in drugs or prostitution. But… we do run guns for the mafia. It's how we make money besides the shop. He's related to them and that's why he got in the club – why his dad got in before him, but he died. Not everyone is happy with the gun stuff we've got going on right now, either because of prices or selling to their enemies, that kind of thing. There's another MC called the Thirteens. What you saw today? That was them. They're trying to get into guns and don't want the competition."

I started at him for a long moment.

"What the fuck? What the fuck, Jackson?" I finally blurted out, blinking wildly. "You called me and got me involved with stuff in the mafia? I'm pregnant, in case you've forgotten! That's not the kind of stuff that I can get involved with and it's not something that you should be involved with! That's not fair, to bring a child into that. It's not. A child shouldn't be brought into that kind of violence. I mean, what's next? Are you going to have guns around the kid? Bring them to my house?"

"Calm down." He raised his voice slightly.

"You calm down!" I practically slammed the ice cream down on the coffee table.

"I'm being serious. This isn't as bad as you think, okay? I know that it doesn't sound great but… I'm being honest with you when I say that I don't necessarily want my kid doing that crap. That's not what being an MC is about. I've been thinking about this a lot." He ran his hands over his face, sighing. "I'm not just pulling this out of nowhere, either. I really have been thinking a lot about this – being a father, what I want for my kid." He rubbed his hands on his thighs.

"No." I chewed at the inside of my cheek. "I don't like this. I can't just accept something like that being in my life, let alone being in the life of my kid. I can't and I won't, Jackson. This is a huge thing to have hidden from me – I don't care if it was the whole, not asking the right questions, or whatever."

"There's more than what you know about going on with me," he sighed. "And I know that you're hiding things from me too. No offense, but you're more transparent than you think you are."

"What are you talking about?" I questioned.

"The phone calls." He straightened up slightly, neck cracking as he rolled it to the side. "I've noticed them. I know that they're not nothing like you keep trying to play off."

"They're not important." I denied.

"If it's not important, then why do they piss you off so much?" Jackson asked with a quick raid of his brow. "Someone is harassing you and I've tried to keep my distance about it. But maybe I shouldn't, for the exact reason you're trying to get away from me right now. You want the baby to be safe above all else, right? Then the includes taking care of whatever's going on with that."

Glancing away from him, my cheeks tightened as I chewed at the fresh inside of him. I didn't have an answer. They didn't piss me off so much as they did worry me. Everyone said that it was easy to find people online these days. I didn't have Facebook or Instagram, or whatever social media that people used now. I'd deleted all of that a long time ago before I had made my way out to the west coast. The only picture of me that came up when my name was searched was one a professional shot that I had no way of removing. It wasn't doing any harm.

"What do you want me to tell you?" It was the past. I was trying to get away from that.

"The truth would be a nice start since that's what you want from me." He pointed out.

"That's not fair. This is different." I disagreed with a shake of my head.

"And how am I to know that?" He questioned. "You should be involved with some shady shit too. I know that there are plenty of doctors who get involved with writing illegal scripts. Shady stuff isn't exclusive to guys in MCs."

That couldn't have been further from the truth. "It's nothing illegal," I sighed. "Not even close."

"Whatever it is, you can tell me. I can protect you." He offered.

"What what, a gun?" I scoffed. The answer was probably yes and I didn't want to hear it. "It's nothing like the mafia. It's just an ex-boyfriend. He wasn't a great guy and I left and he was not happy about me leaving so he's… left some voicemails, that kind of thing. He's not going to come after me or my child or anything like that. I know that for certain. He wants me to want him back but he doesn't want me back."

"Seriously?" Jackson's brows furrowed. "Did he hurt you? Gimme his number. I can end that in a second."

"No, it's not that, it's just…" I took a deep breath, releasing it heavily. "My parents both died in a car wreck when I was in med school. After that, I wanted something normal and stable and by all accounts, he was that. He was boring, he was so ordinary. Until he got possessive. When I started to test the water with the idea of getting away from him, he got nasty with me, but not physically violent. So I left. He's always been all talk."

I didn't want to tell him, but that was why I had slept from him. Boring and ordinary hadn't worked for me, so I had gone with the impulsive and gone for the complete opposite to see what would happen. Even if I expected something different, pregnancy clearly had not been considered.

"Gimme his number and I'll take care of it." He repeated himself.

"I don't care about that right now," I shook my head. "I care about what happened today."

"I care about both. I'm capable of multitasking." Jackson slouched back in the chair, arms falling on top of the sides. "I don't want that kind of violence getting in my kid's life. I really don't. I want him to see the MC for what it's supposed to be. The freedom of it. Not about the violence and the money. It's not supposed to be like in the movies. Things changed in the MC a lot after my dad died."

"You were eighteen when your dad died, right?" I questioned, wetting my lips. He nodded. "Didn't you have… some kind of control over what happened then? You weren't a kid and that's kind of a huge transition for it to have made."

"It started before then, really," he shook his head. "With Dick. He was a bad influence. He was the one who pushed for more money, more violence, more getting things his way. That's how we got into the whole business in the first place. After Dad died and he took over, we got in too deep. That was when things started with the mafia and after that, there was no going back. I still don't know if there's any way to get out of it."

My arms wrapped protectively around my stomach. "So then what? There's nothing that's going to change and you're just content to let it happen? Just let a kid grow up into that kind of violence and that threat constantly?"

"I haven't got it all figured out yet, alright?" He scoffed in disbelief, shaking his head. "I've only known, like, a month about the baby."

"There's no way that this is going to work," I said with a shake of my head.

Heavy silence lingered in the air between us after my words. It was as if neither one of us was capable of denying what seemed to be apparent. He had a dangerous life and even if he didn't want that for a child, it seemed like a change wasn't about to happen. I knew I'd have to change in some regards, but that just meant taking less time off of work, getting a babysitter. Not rearranging my entire life, being careful about the people around me. Our lives were not compatible in any way. We were too different.

"I want to change." Jackson finally said. "I want things to be better than they are now. More like what my father envisioned from the start. Not what Dick and Mom have done to it now."

"I'm sure that there's some way to make it happen." Not that I knew what.

"Yeah, but…" He sighed heavily and shook his head.

"Can't you just leave?" I questioned, my brows raising. "I mean, leave the MC. Join a different one. I know that it was your Dad's club but if it's not really his club anymore, then I think it's okay for you to let go of it. You don't have to live in this place. It sounds like it's not his legacy."

"It's more complicated than that," he scratched the back of his neck. "Once you're in an MC, that's it. You can switch around locations but most of 'em do the same thing."

"Has anyone left before?"

"Gotten kicked out, sure," he hesitated. "But that's not a pretty thing. It's ugly and violent. I thought about maybe leaving a tip or somethin', with the FBI or ATF, seeing if that would scare the guys off from the gun trade. I don't know if it'll work though. I could go down with them and I don't want that."

Pressing my lips into a thin line, I looked down at the small bump. "Maybe you can make a deal or something," I offered up. "Get some kind of immunity in order for your knowledge or turning them in."

"Club has been my family for a long time." He bit down on his lower lip. "Alex is like a brother to me. He was the only one who was really there for me after my dad died, you know? Mom moved on pretty quick. I wouldn't want to screw him over like that. They aren't all bad people in there."

"Maybe you could both make a deal then. Do it together." I leaned forward. "Isn't it worth it for your kid?"

Jackson looked at me seriously, blue eyes focused solely on me. He looked at me so intensely I felt as if he could read my thoughts. I took a deep breath and made sure that I held the eye contact with him. There was something vulnerable in his eyes, something that I hadn't seen in him before. I wasn't sure if it was about the topic of his father or his child or something else entirely. Even if it felt like he was rejecting my options for the sake of saying no, this was something emotional to him. It wasn't just coming from a place of being stubborn.

"Listen…" I scooted toward the end of the couch, getting close to him. "I'm not trying to kick you out of your kid's life. I believe that you do want in and that you want to be a good kid. I'm just saying that it needs to be more than want, you know? A couple dates don't mean I suddenly know everything about you. I need some kind of proof."

"I want to give that to you," he said with a slight nod of his head. "I'll figure something out, I promise. I'll find something to this kid into a better and safer place. From your ex, and from the club."

"Don't worry about my ex," I shook my head.

"I will. Lemme do something concrete like you want, yeah?"

Wetting my lips, I straightened up and took a deep breath. "Okay," I agreed. I couldn't give him crap about not being able to do something and then deny him the opportunity at the same time. Matthew probably wasn't a threat to my livelihood in any way even though it undoubtedly would have bothered him that I was pregnant, but it was something. Maybe it would be the first step to him figuring out the rest of whatever it was that he needed to do to get himself in a safer place.

Reaching out for him, I turned my palm face up and offered my hand to him. Jackson looked at me for a second before he reached out and took my hand, giving it a firm squeeze. An appreciative smile filled his lips as he looked at me – soft, again, but in a different way. A kinder one.

"I'm gonna do something for this kid. Promise." He reassured me.

"I really want to believe you," I admitted as I returned the smile. "I do. I… do not hate you, believe it or not. I like the idea of not being a single parent and my child having a present father."

"I want this," Jackson promised. "We'll figure out the complications. I'm gonna work on it and make sure that it's done, okay? I'll get all of this shit sorted out."

Halfway standing up, just enough to get off the couch but remaining low, I moved toward him and pressed my lips against his. His kiss was gentle, not quite the fierce and horny ones that had been shared between the two of us previously, but like two people who were actually trying to navigate some kind of relationship together. It was more than hormones, even if I had plenty of those.

"I'm putting some faith in you, Jackson." I breathed out against his lips. "Please don't let me down."

"I won't. I promise."


	5. Chapter 5

**_JACKSON_**

"I thought you said that you didn't want any fries."

"Shh," April hushed me with a shake of her head as she reached over for another one of mine, dragging it through the pile of ketchup. "You should've known I was going to change my mind. Getting to know me, remember?" She smiled.

"Uh-huh," I chuckled. "Next time I'm ordering them for you no matter what you say."

"I'm growing a human. I need the extra calories especially if they have your big head." She paused, brows furrowing. "Come here, feel. The baby's kicking."

Scooting over and reaching across the table, I placed my hand on her growing stomach. She had really popped out in the past week, my hand no longer covering her entire stomach as proof of the pregnancy really showed to everyone. She was six and a half months along. Three more months and my kid would be born. That was crazy to think about. I really was going to be a father. We still didn't know if it was a boy or a girl from the ultrasounds but I was almost positive that it was my son in there. That was what I kept picturing in my head when I thought about the baby actually being born. A boy who pretty much looked like me, but in my head, he had her smile. That seemed to be her most defining feature, the one that I frequently caught myself staring at.

"Damn," I breathed out.

"Language." She chastised me. "The baby can hear you."

"Sorry," I grinned at her sheepishly. "It's just cool. Like, that's my kid in there moving around and sh–stuff. He's moving around in there. Practicing some football skills already."

"You don't know that it's a boy, I don't know how many times I've told you that." April reminded me with a shake of her head. "It could be a girl."

The smile remained on my lips even as I leaned back in my seat, finished with the meal in front of me and letting her pick off the remainder of the fries. We did this at least once a week now, if not more. The guys never stopped teasing me about it. I acted like she was my old lady even if we hadn't put any kind of terms on it other than two people having a baby together.

She wanted me to be different and I was working at it. The club hasn't changed yet. I kept telling her that it wasn't something that happened overnight but now it had been weeks and I was stuck. Ratting out the men that had been my family for years was hard and if I got caught, they would kill me. I didn't doubt that. That was just the price paid for that type of betrayal. But if there was one old thing that I wanted to hold onto, I liked the idea of having an old lady, someone to rely on and to rely on me – of April being my old lady. She should be. We were starting a family together.

"Are you done with my fries?" I asked her.

"I am now," she said as she snatched one last fry and popped it into her mouth.

"Alright, I'm gonna go pay. Be right back." I flashed her a smile as I got up to walk over to the register, grabbing my wallet out of my back pocket and pulling out a couple of bills from it to hand over to the register.

Rounding the corner, I bumped into another guy heading in. He doesn't apologize for the accident, glancing at me with a scoff, and I don't bother with apologizing to him either. He's not a familiar face. But if he was from town, then he knew what the cut I was wearing meant. Some fights weren't worth getting into and I didn't want to start anything with April here.

"Your total is $23.62," the cashier spoke to me.

"One second, I've got change," I reached into the front pocket of my pants to try and fish around for it.

Before I get too far in trying to find the couple of coins that would've broken even, I get distracted by the sudden sound of yelling behind me. A handful of change clattered against the countertop with twenty-five dollars in cash as I tried to get a look at what was going on.

"How did you find me?"

"You thought I wouldn't?"

My stomach dropped. The white guy who had bumped into me had meant nothing as I glanced at him but now that he was standing in front of April, red in the face and furious, I could put it together immediately who he was. This must have been Matthew. The same Matthew that she said wouldn't be a problem for them. She had underestimated him. He was right here. Rage surged through me as my jaw set together firmly, covering the distance between where I was standing and where he was in seconds.

"Who the hell are you?" I stepped between him and April, shoving his shoulder to put a little distance between them. I was already sure of the answer. "Back off, man. You don't get to talk to her like that."

"Who the hell are you?" He shouted in my face. "This is a private matter."

"Sure doesn't seem private considerin' you're yelling at her in the middle of a restaurant." I countered, straightening up my spine to make sure I stood taller than him.

"April, let's go somewhere else." He tried to twist around me to look at her. "Without this buffoon."

I shoved him back. "How about you get the hell out of here and leave her alone? It's pretty clear that she wants nothing to do with you, jackass."

"Stop!" April finally piped up, her hand slapping down on the table and clattering the silverware that sat on top of it. "Stop it right now!"

"Who's this, huh?" Matthew didn't bother to listen to a word she was saying. "This the idiot who knocked you up? God, I can't believe you!" He shouted. "You really thought that you could just run away from me and what, tie down some biker douchebag to try and take care of you? Did you really think that was going to work?"

"Stop it!" She repeated herself, standing up from the booth and bumping into me a little as she does so. "I'm not doing this and I'm especially not doing this here."

"Come on." I wrapped my arms around her shoulder protectively and pulled her in against me to get out of there. To no surprise, Matthew didn't hesitate to follow us out of the restaurant. There was no reason for him to stay inside if she left. But if he so much as tried to lay a hand on her...

"April!" He shouted after us. "You can't run away from me. Get real! Let's talk about this."

Leaning closer to her, I whispered in her ear. "You want me to kill him?"

"No." Her elbow hit my ribcage lightly. She stopped, turning around to face him. "I want nothing to do with you, Matthew. I left for a reason. You are a horrible person and I want nothing to do with you. I want you out of my life completely. Stop stalking me. Stop calling me, don't fly halfway across the country to try and talk to me, just stay away from me. I will get a restraining order if I need to and I doubt you want that on your pristine little reputation." She threatened. Freckled cheeks were beginning to turn red with anger.

"Don't be so dramatic," Matthew rolled his eyes on her. "You really think that you can do better than me with a guy like this? Seriously? I thought you were smarter than that. I'm the best that you're ever going to have. Especially with this new low that you've sunk to."

"Dude, you're just asking for me to kick your ass," I scoffed.

"Try it," he provoked.

Stepping forward, April grabbing my arm was the only thing capable of stopping me. "Don't. He's not worth it." She squeezed my bicep. Taking a deep breath through my nose, I backed up.

"I can't believe you'd choose a guy like this over me," Matthew shook his head as he spoke.

"How did you find me, Matthew?" She tried to sound as tough as she could. Any other moment and it would have been cute.

"I work for a phone company, April. I can't believe that you even have to ask that question." He rolled his eyes. "I've known that you were here for a while. I thought that you would come to your senses sooner or later but I can see now what's been distracting you."

"I don't want anything to do with you. Stay away from me!" Her voice cracked as she yelled.

April didn't stand around any longer to give him a chance to continue with the conversation. She turned on her heel and quickly headed in the direction of her car. I stood there for a few seconds longer, staring him down before trailing after April. My hands practically ached with how bad I wanted to throw a punch at him and make sure that he got her message in the clearest way possible. But for her sake, I reign it back in.

The car door slammed as she got into the passenger seat of her vehicle. I took a deep breath before getting into the driver's seat and adjusting it so that I could fit properly, turning toward her. She was trying to be quiet, but there were already tears staining her cheeks.

"Hey, it's okay." I reached out, placing my hand on her knee and squeezing it. "You're okay."

"I can't believe he would do that," she sobbed out, trying to wipe away her tears with the back of her knuckles. "I really thought that he was above that. I don't know why I thought that…"

"Nothing's going to happen to you because of him. You hear me?" I leaned toward her, brow furrowing. "I'm gonna make sure of that. I'm taking care of you. You and the baby. Don't forget it. Nothing's going to happen to either one of you as long as I'm around, and I'm not going anywhere."

Despite the center console between the two of us, April leaned toward me and I wrapped my arms around her. I shifted closer so that it was digging into me and not her, holding her as she sobbed into my chest. I rubbed my hand up and down the length of her spine, not sure what to say. She was so much more emotional than I was – not even just because she was pregnant, at least, I think. She just actually expressed her emotions instead of bottling them up for one reason or another. Sometimes I wasn't sure how to deal with it.

"I promise nothing is going to happen to you." I kissed the top of her head.

That night is one of the rare nights that she stayed over at my place, falling asleep in my bed. She took up all of the space with the way that she sprawled out across it and needed different pillows for this and that, but I don't mind. Once she's asleep, I had other plans in mind.

Once April was tucked in and snoring for the rest of the night, I throw on my jacket, getting on my bike and heading to the clubhouse. Most of the guys were still getting to know her and some respect had been gained after she had saved the life of Deluca's cousin. Alex was the only one who knew her well, really. I knew that he would be there and that he would be more than happy to help out, consequences be damned. He liked April, and he wanted to make sure things stayed good with Izzie. I was shocked at how long they had lasted.

Looking around the clubhouse, it doesn't take long to spot him with a beer in his hand and chatting the ear off of some prospective member. I'm glad his blonde counterpart isn't there for once, even if I didn't mind Izzie most of them. I don't want April to know about this and that would be a lot easier if Izzie didn't know either. Something told me she wouldn't be able to keep a secret like that.

"Hey, I need a favor." I waved him over toward me.

"What's up?"

"April's got an ex-boyfriend stalking her that needs some taking care of." I didn't have to explain much more than that. We all would have done the same thing in this situation.

There are a couple of different spots to stay in Eureka and they're pretty much all tucked away next to each other, which doesn't make it hard to find out exactly where Matthew was staying. A little cash and the sight of the patched vests that we had on was enough to buy compliance with most people. They were happy to cooperate so long as they didn't have to be involved any further than that. We don't get a room key, but we don't need one.

"This it?" I asked as Alex drew to a stop in front of one of the doors.

"Yeah. 208, just like she said," he answered with a nod.

Taking a deep breath, a smirk grew across my features for just a moment as I approached the door. I couldn't hear anything else happening on the other side, but I doubted that Matthew was the kind of guy to get up to much on a Tuesday night.

Wood cracked as I slammed my foot against the door just next to the knob, and it flew open, slamming against the wall behind it with the force of the kick. Drawing a gun out of my waistband I forced my way in with Alex right behind me. Matthew was sitting on the hotel bed with the television playing Fox News – typical asshole. I couldn't imagine how April had ended up with a guy like this. Maybe we did have one thing in common.

"Hey pal, you miss me?" I taunted.

"What the hell?" Matthew questioned.

"I don't think now is a good time for you to be asking questions, buddy," Alex laughed behind me.

"You know what? I don't need this." I handed my gun back to Alex. "I much rather do this the old fashioned way."

"Hey– you can't do this. I'm calling the police!" Matthew fumbled to reach for the phone on the nightstand before I could do anything, but he doesn't get the chance.

Grabbing his ankle, I yanked him roughly toward me in the middle of trying to grab his phone so he can't get it. Ungainly limbs moved as he tried to protest back against me, but he doesn't get much out of it. I swing my fist and it collided with his jaw with a loud clobber. It's a satisfying hit. Matthew was too stunned to swing back just yet and I throw in another punch for good measure, making sure he knew that I wasn't fucking around with him.

"You think you can just come out here and threaten her like that?" I grabbed him by his collar, giving him a good shake. "Huh? You think you can do that?"

"You don't know shit," he spat out blood at me.

"I know more than enough." Pulling the switchblade out of my pocket, I held it up against his throat, pressing the tip in. It's not enough to draw blood, but enough for him to feel it. "And I know that if you ever come near April or me again, then I'm gonna fuckin' kill you. I'll make sure no one ever finds your body, not that anyone would miss a jackass like you." I growled through my teeth. "You're going to leave town, and you're never going to contact me or April again. You call her again? Then I'll be the one flying out to visit you. Maybe even bring in a couple more of my friends."

His eyes were wide with terror as he stared up at me. "O–o–okay," he finally managed to stutter out. I pressed the blade into his skin a little more, nicking it so a bit of blood pulled. "Okay! Fine! I'll stay away from April!" Matthew cried out.

"Yeah, you fucking will." I practically chuckled as I backed off, pocketing my knife. "Or else this?" I threw one more punch, clobbering him straight in the jaw. "It's gonna be the least of your worries."

God, that felt good.

"You ready?" I turned toward Alex, stretching out my fingers. My knuckles would be bruised tomorrow. Alex nodded. "Let's go."

Not even bothering to shut the door behind us, we exited the hotel and headed back down to the motorcycles out front. People had definitely seen us but I was pretty confident that guy wasn't going to be heading to the police. The club had a fair amount of sway with the Eureka police, enough to make something like this disappear. Even if I wanted to get away from the illegal shit for April's sake, it did still have a couple of benefits.

Arriving back at the clubhouse, I get off my bike for a moment to talk to Alex but don't bother with going in. I didn't mind them knowing what was going on, but I wanted to get back to my house before April noticed that I was gone in the first place. Some things she was just better off not knowing.

"Thanks for the backup, man," I said with a nod to him, crossing my arms in front of my ribs. At this time of night, it was cold outside. "Appreciate it."

"Any time, you know that," Alex replied with a shrug. "I like the redhead. She's a good match for you."

"Yeah, she is." I couldn't help but smile at that.

"If he comes knocking around again, let me know and I'll be more than happy to take care of finishing him off with you." Something that I hoped it wouldn't come to – that would be a bigger secret to harbor from April. "But I doubt it, after that. Pansy was about to friggin' wet his pants."

"I gotta get back to the house before April realizes I'm gone," I sighed. "But hey, one more thing. How's your dad?" I knew they had upped his chemo treatments but not much more.

Alex sighed. "Not looking great. He's probably not going to make it more than a month."

"Shit, man, I'm so sorry." That was hard to stomach even if he wasn't my father. "Let me know if there's anything that I can do for you, okay? Or for him."

"Yeah, sure," he nodded. "I'll see you later, brother."

Swinging my leg back over the bike, the engine roared as I drove off and made my way back to my house. It's a short drive, but the simple words that Alex had spoken had given me more to think about.

My father and Alex's father had essentially founded the club. They were the two originals of the MC and now, both of them were going to be gone. It seemed like with my father's death, a giant shift had been made away from the direction that he had originally wanted. If Alex's father died too, that was going to be the nail in the coffin for the club. There was no way that it was going to turn around after that. The future of the club was going to look nothing like either of them wanted it to. Nothing like I wanted it to. As long as Dick was around and in charge, there wasn't going to be any change. He was the one who had pushed it in that direction and he wasn't going to flip around. Even with small suggestions, he had shot them down. He was set in his ways.

Maybe that was the sign that I needed to go through with what April wanted me to do. Calling the feds on them didn't feel right, but neither did having my kid's life be at risk because of something in my control. Something had to be done to make sure that his life was going to be better than mine.

A week passes and there's no disturbance from Matthew.

As far as I'm concerned, I've gotten away with it and it's in the past. He's back to whatever shitty life he had at some tech company and April and I were back to normal, no hitch in the road without her knowing about the way that I had threatened him. If she noticed that my knuckles were swollen and bruised, she doesn't ask about it. It was easy to pass off as an occupational hazard, the kind of thing that she wouldn't have wanted to ask for details about in the first place. She didn't like that part of the life.

"We need a car seat that's not from the eighties." April turned out to be quite hands-on when it came to baby shopping – literally, putting her hands on just about everything she even considered.

"What's wrong with the one I've got in my garage?" I questioned. "It's fine."

"I don't think that it would pass today's safety standards." Her eyebrows raised in a challenge. She probably knew more than I did about that kind of stuff. "I want something sturdy. New."

"Whatever you want, babe." Money wasn't a real concern, at least.

"You're not going to use that old one for your car, are you? I mean, I know you don't really drive in a car most of the time anyway, but you'll need one too." I watched her rattle and shake one of the more expensive options that she was looking at, pausing momentarily before I realized she expected a reply from me.

I sighed. "Don't you think that it's a little much?" I questioned.

"What, the car seat?" She glanced at the price tag. "I mean, no, not if it's about safety."

"No, not that." I shook my head. "Getting all of these duplicates. Two of everything. I mean, come on. You know that there's a more practical solution for all this kind of stuff. It's staring you right in the face and I think you just don't want to admit it."

"I don't know what you're talking about," April retorted, her brows furrowed as she stared up at me and straightened up just a bit.

"Move in with me."

Hazel eyes stared wide up at me as if what I was saying had come completely out of left field – as if we hadn't spent the past months getting to know each other as quickly as two completely different human beings really can get to know one another. As if I hadn't spent the past months developing feelings for her that I had never felt for another woman. Sure, I'd like them here and there, had relationships. But it had never been as real as what I felt for her. I was sure that at least to some extent, it was reciprocated. She'd opened up with me about Matthew. She talked about the future with all three of us in it, no longer cutting me out of the picture. There was something more going on for both of us, even if we hadn't opened up so much about it.

"Where is this coming from?" It took a few long, still seconds before she finally responded to my words. "I mean– what? Since when is that something that you want?"

"It makes the most sense for the baby." That was my first card, the shared priority. "And it'd be easier for both of us. You know that. No tasing the kid back and forth or any of that confusing crap. I like you and I'm pretty sure that you like me. So let's do it. Just move in with me."

April continued to stare up at me, lips pressed in a thin line. "Fine. But… on one condition."

"Anything."

"I want you to do what you said you were going to do about the club. Report it, or whatever. I want to know that's not going to be something that we have to worry about when it comes to our kid's future." She requested. "I've given you time and I just… I need to know that it's not something you're going to turn around about once the baby is out, you know?"

My jaw tightened reflexively though it had been something I had been inching closer and closer toward every day. "Okay," I breathed out, running my hand over my face. "Okay. I'll do it tonight if that's what you want."

"Thank you." Genuine relief washed over her face as she looked up at me, grabbing my face and stretching up on her toes to kiss me gently. "Thank you, Jackson."

"Alright, alright," I replied sheepishly, my cheeks warming. "Let's find you a good enough car seat."

Telling her that I would make the call is a lot easier than actually making it.

It's a cold night but I sit outside in her backyard to do it. Moving into her place was a better option than the opposite, even though I did like my house and had wanted to put up a nursery there – she had more space, she was in a nicer neighborhood, gated and all. The kind of thing that you would have expected for someone like her, not me.

April had looked up the number for the local ATF office in Sacramento office – the resident agent in charge for the criminal enforcement contact, according to the website. I didn't know how to go about any of this.

Betraying my club was betraying my family. It meant accepting that April and this kid were going to be my family now – likely the only family that I was going to have because I had no doubt that Mom would cut me out of her life along with Dick. Alex was only going to have the club left after his dad died and I was betraying him in doing this, too. There was no way that I would be able to get immunity for all of them, I would be lucky to get it for myself, but that was the one thing that I needed to leverage. I couldn't spend the next however many years in jail based on gun charges and fuck knows what else. I needed to be around for my kid. I had to be around for my kid. Otherwise, all of this was going to be for nothing.

Finally tapping the call button on the phone, I hold my phone up to the ear and listen to the line ring for a moment. An automated voice picked up with the commands for what numbers to press to get to talk to a real person.

"Hello, this is Agent Pierce." A woman's voice finally broke through. "How can I help you?"

"I've got information." I grimaced upon the truth. "Real intel about gun running. I need a meet. Private. And I'm gonna need immunity."

Of course, it wasn't that black and white.

Frustrating as it may have been, there was no way that the agent could give me what I wanted over the phone. That would have been too easy and would have made no sense on her end. We would have to meet in person – I'd go to Sacramento, there was no way that she could come out here and I could risk being seen with her. I'd find an excuse with the guys. I could tell them it was for the baby or something, use April as an excuse. She would be fine with it.

Proof would have to be brought. Pictures would be fine. Sneaking around the clubhouse for that kind of thing was going to be awkward as hell. I couldn't get caught.

The date was set for a week from now. A three-hour drive into the city, meeting place outside of the office where she would meet me. If I brought the proof, then we could talk about making a deal. For April and the baby's sake, I was going to have to put together something impressive enough. I couldn't let them down.

When the phone call was over, I sat outside in the cold for a few more minutes. Would my father be proud of me? I wasn't going through with what he wanted from the club, but I wasn't letting their reputation be further tarnished, either. He had always been pretty passive. Even though Mom and Dick had been close to each other for years before he died, he had never said a word against it even though they weren't subtle. I was pretty sure she hadn't waited until he died to be with Dick but he had never said a word against her. He had just let it happen. I didn't really know what he would have wanted from me now.

Heading back inside finally, April was sitting on the couch and watching some show with Andy Samberg. She doesn't look up at me until I sink down onto the couch next to her, letting out a loud sigh and slumping over toward her. My head rested on her thigh.

"What does this mean?" She asked, her nails scratching gently over the back of my head. It felt nice.

"I set up a meeting with her in Sacramento next week. I have to bring proof," I explained.

"That's a good thing," she murmured.

"I know," I sighed out. "But it doesn't feel that way. I know that I'm doing the right thing for you and the baby but I'm still betraying the other part of my family. It doesn't settle right. Maybe it should but it just doesn't. I know that Mom probably wouldn't get caught up in all of it or that Dick will protect her from it, but… what about Alex? Deluca? They've been like brothers to me for a long time. It's a knife in the back to them. I can't protect everyone that I want to."

"If they're your family, then they'll understand why you're doing this." The way that she said it made it sound so simple. She reached for the remote and turned down the volume on the television. "You're putting the future of your son above everyone else. If they don't understand it now, then they'll understand it one day if they become parents."

"They might not. I mean, the could be in jail for a long time." Or not long enough. "And you know, this isn't throwing away the risk to our life. It's just making them a risk."

Her soothing scratches stopped. "What do you mean?"

"They'll kill me if they find out." That was what happened to rats. "They will. I don't think my mom will be able to stop them from going through with it. It's just what happens to guys like me who do stuff like this."

"Maybe the agent will be able to set up some kind of protection or something for us," she suggested. "To make sure that doesn't happen. Or we can always move, you know. There are plenty of beautiful places to live. We could go somewhere that has a real winter. I can get a job anywhere."

"I'm not going to ask you to support me." I scoffed, sitting up and tucking a leg under me so I was facing her.

"I didn't say I would," April smiled at me. "I'll make you get a job in a garage somewhere. Work on bikes and cars. That's something that you love to do, isn't it? It's not just because of the club?"

"Yeah, it is," I nodded. "I just don't think any of it's going to be that simple."

"Here," she reached for my hand as she spoke, placing it on her stomach. A few moments pass before the baby inside kicked and I sighed out some of the tension, thumb rubbing circles across her stomach. "There's something I want to tell you. I said I wasn't going to but I think now's a good time for you to know."

My brows furrowed together. The last thing I needed right now was another hit. "What?"

"It's a boy," April revealed, her grin growing.

"What?"

"The baby. It's a boy. One of the technicians accidentally slipped up in front of me and told me that it was a boy. I know we said that we weren't going to find out but… you deserve to know too." A small laugh slipped through her lips as she reached out for me, grabbing my face.

"Holy shit." I can practically feel her eyes roll as I looked down at her bump, both hands holding it. "It's a boy. I'm having a son!"

"Does that mean that I can convince you to paint the nursery blue for me?" She beamed, a large grin breaking across my face with the news and the contagion of her joy.

Grabbing her face in my hands, I leaned forward and kissed her hard. It's a need and a celebration, pure relief rushing through my veins. I had wanted it to be a boy, that was no secret, but this was something deeper. April returned the kiss without hesitation, gripping onto me a little harder as she shifted closer to me. There's only so much that she can move with the way that her stomach has grown, the curve pressing against my abs as she moved to sit on my lap.

"We'll paint the nursery any damn color that you want," I stroked my thumb across her face as I finally spoke, giving another brief kiss on her lips. "It's a freakin' boy."

"We really have to work on you cussing in front of the baby," April laughed.

"It's fine." I rolled my eyes but the smile remained on my lips. "A little cussing never hurt anyone."

Her arms wrapped around my neck, holding herself comfortably against me. "Do you want me to go with you?" She asked.

"Go with me where?"

"To meet with that ATF agent in Sacramento. Might help with the baby cover," she suggested.

Chewing at the inside of my flesh, I assessed her idea. There was no reason that she couldn't come even though I didn't really want her talking to the agent or getting involved with that. There was no reason for the agent to have to meet her or know about her other than the idea of protection, making sure that she and my son were going to be fine no matter what happened to me. If she stayed here, she was unprotected but there was no obvious threat to her. She was right, though. If I told them we were going for some kind of baby appointment, it wouldn't make any sense for her to stay in town.

I sighed quietly, giving a small nod of my head. "Yeah, you should come to Sacramento. But I don't want you meeting with the agent. It's just better for you if you stay outside of that. I'll drop you off at a movie theatre or something like that, okay?"

"Sure," she nodded. "I've been wanting to see the new Mary Poppins movie, anyway. I loved the original. I figure that's not really your type of movie."

"No, not really." I kept half a smile on my face. "You can see that then while I talk to the agent."

"Is there anything that I can do to help you?" April asked.

All of this was on me. It was my club and I had made the decision that I needed to put her and the wellness of the baby above all else, the club included. It was the first time that I was branching away from it but I couldn't imagine the there was anything else in the world that I would ever need to do it for more than my own flesh and blood, more than my own son. Proof would be easy. I was trusted in the club and no one would think twice about me being with the guns but I couldn't be obvious about getting photos of them or anything like that. That would give me away immediately, especially once they knew that they were being invested. I'd have to be smart about this. I couldn't risk getting her involved. She needed to stay out of danger.

"You're already doing everything that you can." I softened as I spoke, cupping her chin gently as I looked at her. Another soft kiss was placed on her bottom lip. "Don't worry about doing more. You've got more than enough with my son in there."

"If you're sure," she murmured, relaxing against me.

"I am."

My arms wrapped around her and pulled her in against me as tight as she could with her stomach pressed between us, letting my chin rest on top of my head. Inhaling deeply, I can smell the faint floral shampoo from the shower that she had taken this morning. Her touch was enough to encourage me to relax as I held her, getting my body to forget the stress of what was going to come in the next week. She had infected me already – in the best way possible.


	6. Chapter 6

**_APRIL_**

"You are doing the right thing."

No matter how many times I had repeated the sentiment in the three-hour car ride to Sacramento, I'm not sure that Jackson actually listened to it. His knuckles gripping onto the steering wheel remain nearly as white as mine. He doesn't complain about my radio selection or tease me for some of the pop music like he normally would have. The tension that he carried stayed in the air without a care for the comforting words or little rubs of his arm that I give. He can't get rid of it. I can't blame him for that – I was the one pushing him to do this and I wasn't sure that he was ready. But he had the pictures and he was meeting with the agent. He wouldn't have much of a choice now.

"This place is about a mile from the meet spot," Jackson spoke as he pulled into a parking spot outside of a movie theatre. "If you need anything, I can be there in just a minute, okay?"

"I'm not going to need anything." I leaned into him and took his hand, placing it on my stomach. "We'll be fine."

His hand rubbed my stomach gently, likely looking for some kind of kick or punch, but one doesn't come. The baby had been active for the better part of the drive and finally fallen asleep about half an hour ago, to my relief. I need to use the bathroom and the tap dancing on my bladder got exhausting. He was always awake at night and got his minimal amount of sleep during the day.

"I'll text you when I'm done." Jackson grabbed my hand, kissing the back of my knuckles gently. "And wait for you out here. I figure I'll be done before you are."

"Hopefully." A meeting like that shouldn't take too long. Give her the evidence, make a deal. It wasn't that complicated. "You'll be great."

"I need to get going so I'm not late," he commented with a glance at the clock.

"Okay," I nodded my head and undid my seatbelt, pushing open the passenger door. "You'll be fine." I gave him one last reminder as I got out of the car, grabbing my purse. "Bye." I shut the door.

Jackson doesn't drive away immediately, waiting for me to walk up to the theatre and head inside. I turned around once I was on the other side of the glass door to watch him back out of the parking space, seeing him drive away. Then I go up to the ticket booth and get one ticket for the new Mary Poppins movie. A bag of popcorn without butter is necessary for this week's craving. Usually, potato chips were my go to but I just needed anything salty.

The timing to get to the theatre wasn't perfect because it worked around his meeting with Agent Pierce, so it's empty when I sit down in it and the lights are still turned on. Commercials play on the big screen and I pull out my phone. Supportive texts from Izzie are waiting to be replied to. She knew we were going to Sacramento, and I had to tell both her and Amelia that it was to see a specific doctor but hadn't given more information than that. They needed to hear the same information that Alex would, to prevent any inconsistencies. Both of them probably assumed it was for something bad. But ultimately, this was good for the baby.

Dimming lights signal the start of the movie and I leaned back in my chair, throwing a few pieces of popcorn into my mouth. Other people had filtered into the theatre but I have some space around myself to get comfortable and give my purse a chair of its own.

Twenty minutes into the movie, a cramp seized the bottom of my stomach. I let out a sharp breath, pushing back in my seat. Grabbing the bottle of water from my purse, I down a few mouthfuls. I had read about Braxton Hicks starting in the third trimester of pregnancy as the body prepared itself to give birth. Moving around was supposed to help and I had read that drinking water did too.

Fortunately, a few minutes pass and it gets better.

Then it comes back. With a sigh, I stand up and duck down to walk out of the theatre and try to stretch my legs. I'm moving slower than what I would have liked these days. All of the patients I'd seen who had been pregnant themselves said it was normal. I still didn't like it.

Going to the bathroom, I walk the length of it before going into a stall. I don't realize I'm wet down there until I pulled down my leggings and underwear and see the bright red stains.

"Shit."

For a moment, I just sit there and stare. It's all fresh blood and there's more of it than there should be. Spreading my legs, it's too hard to see what was happening on the other side of my stomach. My stomach was just too big to see over. But it felt like it was still coming. I had to call Jackson.

Quickly tapping his name in my phone and holding it up to my ear, my hand shook until I pressed the glass of my phone against my cheek. It takes a few rings before it finally stops and I hear his voice on the other side of the line.

"April?" He questioned. "Is everything okay?"

"No." I breathed out. "I need you to come to pick me up. I think I need to go to the hospital."

"What? What's going on?"

"I'm bleeding." I wet my lips, taking a deep breath to try and stay calm. I knew that he wouldn't. "It might be nothing but it might be something and I–I need someone to take a look and make sure that it's nothing. You need to take me to the hospital."

"I'll be there in a minute." The line goes dead.

Dropping my phone back into my purse, I wipe away as much blood as I can before tugging my underwear and leggings back up my legs awkwardly, unable to ignore the dampness between my thighs now. At least they were dark enough to keep my bloodstain private. Waddling out of the theatre with my cardigan tied around my hips, I only stand there for a few long seconds before I see Jackson pull up in my car.

He doesn't park in a space, instead, screeching to a stop at the curb that made me flinch from the noise. Yanking open the door handle, I nearly stumbled over myself to get into the car.

"I don't know what's happening," I breathed out. "I just went to the bathroom and there was blood."

"We'll be at the hospital in just a minute." He tore out of the parking lot with only one hand on the wheel, the other clutching my thigh tightly. "We'll figure it out. The doctors will."

Even though the drive to the hospital was only eight minutes, it felt like it was much longer than that. I leaned against the window and pressed my head into the cool feeling, trying to keep myself calm. Jackson's hand was tight on my knee but I don't complain. I knew that he was just as worried as I was. He was so invested in the baby boy inside of my belly, more invested in him than he was in me. Jackson needed this to be alright just as much as I did.

"Hey! We need a doctor." Jackson's voice boomed as he walked in, one arm wrapped around me.

He must have looked like quite a sight – tall and all muscles, visible tattoos with his sleeveless shirt, he didn't need his motorcycle cut on to get attention and perhaps the wrong kind of judgments thrown his way. Immediately, the nurse sitting at the desk was paying attention to the two of us.

"She's bleeding," he spoke for me.

"How far along are you?" The nurse asked as she came over with a wheelchair.

"Twenty-eight weeks. It's a lot of blood." I answered. Certainly far too soon for the baby to come.

"We'll take you up to OB. Are you the baby's father?" She asked Jackson. He nodded his head. "Follow us. We're going straight up."

The elevator dragged on way too slow and my foot tapped restlessly against the metal on the bottom of the wheelchair, both hands on my stomach. The baby hadn't moved or kicked since the bleeding hadn't started. I wondered if it had started before and I hadn't noticed. Had it been going in the car? Should I have paid more attention when I thought he was just sleeping?

"Have you had anything like this before?" The nurse asked as we entered one of the rooms. Jackson helped me get onto the table and she pulled over the ultrasound machine.

"No, nothing," I shook my head.

Uncertain stillness lingered as the nurse examined the ultrasound screen. A doctor entered a moment later, an older redheaded woman. I'm relieved to see her. I trust nurses, of course, but this was the kind of thing that I wanted the opinion and knowledge of a certified OB-GYN for. No one else.

"I'm Dr. Montgomery," she introduced herself.

"April." I winced, half my face bunching up as another cramp came.

"You're having cramps along with the bleeding?" She questioned. I nodded my head, momentarily unable to speak. "Let's get a blood and urine test in just a minute. I'm going to do a physical exam. Tell me if you feel any pain or tenderness."

Gloved hands touch my belly and it's only a moment before I winched. "Ow! Yes, it's tender."

"Let me get a look at the ultrasound," Dr. Montgomery said and the nurse handed it over to her. She placed the device back on my stomach where the tenderness was, brows drawing together as she examined the screen. "April, it looks like you have what we call a partial placenta abruption. I can see some bleeding here on the ultrasound."

"What does that mean?" Jackson asked, unfolding his arms. "I'm Jackson. The baby's father."

"Well, the baby isn't close enough to full term. The abruption seems mild, your baby's heart rate is normal, and it's too soon for the baby to be born… I want to keep you hospitalized for close monitoring. If the bleeding stops and your baby's condition is stable, you might be able to rest at home. And I want to give you some medication to help the baby's lungs mature, just to be on the safe side should we have to deliver him early." Dr. Montgomery explained all of it.

"We don't live here." I breathed out. "We live in Eureka. We… we should be there, shouldn't we?" It feels like a silly thing to worry about but I don't feel safe here. We were only supposed to be here a day.

"When the bleeding stops, we can discuss being at a different hospital. I want to get a little more information and see the results of your blood and urine test before I make any definitive decisions. I'll have a nurse come by immediately to get both." She answered.

"But the baby's going to be fine?" Jackson questioned, grabbing onto my hand with both of his. "I mean, we-we're not gonna lose him or anything, right?"

"It's only a mild abruption. Right now, the baby is fine. We just need to make sure it doesn't get worse." She answered him.

Then, I ask the question I don't want to. "Did I do something to cause this?"

"That's very unlikely." She shook her head, standing up and taking off her gloves. "As I said, I'll have a nurse come by with those samples and we'll get you to fill out some paperwork – medical history, that kind of thing. I'll be back when we have the results of the tests. April, right now the best thing that you and your husband can do is try and stay calm."

"Oh– he's not my…" Dr. Montgomery must have been busy because she was up and out of the room before I could say that Jackson wasn't my husband. There's no label for what we are or aren't.

My head fell back against the pillow tucked behind me and I let out a loud sigh.

"It's going to be okay." Jackson squeezed my hand as he spoke, lifting it up and kissing the back of my knuckles. "She just said that he's going to be okay. We just have to take it easy."

"I can't think about this right now. Not when we don't know." I hated not having answers. "I need a distraction."

"Do you want to hear how the meeting went?" He offered.

"Yes, yes! Please."

He took a deep breath. "I showed her the pictures and she said that they were good." His thumbs rubbed restlessly against the back of my hand. "She said that the US Attorney would be able to offer immunity from all previous crimes with the MC, but nothing going forward. No kind of protection, either. So it's important that you and I are the only ones who know."

"You know I'm not going to tell anyone." I squeezed his hand back. "And if I'm stuck on bed rest, I'm not going to have the opportunity to do so anyway." Even if I didn't want to think about it, the words slip out of my lips anyways.

"Guess if I'm caring for you, I won't have time for any more crimes." He gave a weak chuckle.

"Can you take off my shoes for me" I wiggled my feet in my Toms. "These are starting to feel tight."

"Yeah, of course." He stood up and sat down again at the end of the bed, taking off my shoes and dropping them on the floor. His hands stay on my feet and he began to massage the sore arches of my foot and I let out a loud moan, grateful that Dr. Montgomery had shut the door behind her. No one else needed to hear me making that kind of noise.

The nurse comes by to get the blood and urine sample. I know that these kinds of things don't take terribly long to be processed in a hospital, especially in a situation that was emergent, and pregnant women tended to get bumped to the top of the list given that it was for two lives instead of just one. But having to wait for the results to come back seems like forever. No amount of conversation about the meeting with Agent Pierce or the nursery at home or the club can distract me from the reason why we were here in the first place.

Sleep would have been nice after the monotony of the three-hour drive here but I'm too stressed to shut my eyes for more than a few seconds at a time. Jackson was getting restless too, getting up to stretch his legs and pace around the room.

Finally, the door to our room opened and Dr. Montgomery walked in, holding my chart in hand.

"Your test results are back," she announced the obvious.

"What do they say?" Jackson asked.

"Mostly normal. Your BUN levels are a little high and I want to keep an eye on that, as is your blood pressure. But once the bleeding stops, I think you should be good to be discharged but you're going to be on bedrest for the remainder of your pregnancy." She answered. "You'll have to keep a careful eye on any changes with your health."

"Bedrest…" I breathed out, teeth gritted together. "Great."

"Mr. Kepner, I'll have some specific instructions for you taking care of her while she's on bedrest and some things that you can do to make it easier for her." She said, turning toward him.

"Uh, it's Avery," he corrected, clearing his throat. "We're not married.

"My apologies," she smiled. "I assumed, you two have that kind of natural chemistry with each other. April, I'd like to at least keep you overnight tonight to watch out for that bleeding."

"Is there a cot that we can bring in here for Jackson?" I asked, glancing at him. I didn't want to be alone here.

"Of course, we'll get something arranged."

The overnight stay in the hospital is the last thing that I wanted. But, as much as I hated to admit it, it does make the trip to Sacramento less suspicious. All of the guys on the phone wished both of us good luck when Jackson called to say that he wasn't going to be back immediately. No one would even begin to have suspicions about what he had really been up to before I had interrupted.

By the time morning comes, the bleeding has stopped. A few extra hours and tests are run before we were discharged with the strict orders of bed rest lingering in the air.

Even though my job was not physically intensive, all of my appointments were going to have to be canceled and moved to different therapists in the hospital. Working could be stressful and my blood pressure needed to keep low. No work, no exercise, minimal chores, little cooking. No sex, so I wasn't sure how involved Jackson was going to really want to be, even if he was now staying at my house. Short showers. Thinking about it in the three hours back to Eureka was enough to drive me crazy and I might have to do it for three whole months.

Crap.

The first hour is fine. Jackson helped me get set up in bed with pillows propping me up from my back and for my knees, and I get my laptop out to catch up with emails and send out some to patients who need to be rescheduled. But once that was over, the boredom kicks in.

Izzie pops in the next day with Alex in tow. Alex and Jackson stay in the other room, talking about what, I didn't know. Izzie painted my toenails and chatters on about a case that she's working with. She brought by books for me, too – a mix of parenting books and just a few thrillers that she thought that I might enjoy. It's a sweet gesture but by the time that she was done painting my toes, all I wanted to do was wiggle them and get out of bed.

By the end of day five, I'd watched every episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved, more TED Talks than I could count, and makeup tutorials that I would never actually use.

"Where have you been all day?" I snapped at Jackson the moment he entered my bedroom.

Even I realized I sounded like a nagging, bitchy wife.

"At the clubhouse." His brows formed a deep furrow as he looked at me. "I told you that you could call me if you needed anything during the day. What's wrong?"

"Oh, I don't know. I'm stuck in bed all day to make sure that I don't accidentally kill our son." I rolled my eyes aggressively. "Somehow that's not exactly a party. I don't get to go and hang out with all of my friends all day."

"I would have stayed with you if you wanted me to." Jackson frowned, folding his arms. "All you had to do was say something."

I picked up the pen laying on the bed next to me, twirling it between my fingers restlessly. "Whatever."

"Whatever?" He echoed my words. "Oh, come on. Don't bitch at me and then just brush it off with a whatever."

"I'm not bitching at you." The bed frame squeaked as I shifted side to side to sit up taller.

"Seriously?" He scoffed at me, rolling his eyes. "If you want me to stay with you during the day, then just say something. That's all that you have to do, it's not hard. Don't get pissed at me if you're not going to say something. You have to actually say something."

"Don't be mean to me!" My voice cracked. "I am already stuck in bed all day. I don't need this too."

Jackson paused and took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Listen, I'm not being mean and I'm sorry if you think I am." He sighed, pausing a long moment before continuing. "I think that maybe uh, with all the hormones and being stuck in bed all day, you might be a little… emotional.

"I…" I stared at him, squinting for a long moment. Was he right? Was I being hormonal? Crap. I definitely was. "Crap. _Crap_ , you're right. I'm sorry. I am being hormonal."

"Kind of expected," he gave me half a smile as he sank down onto the bed next to me, wrapping his arm around me. "How about I stay home tomorrow and we watch some movies? How does that song?"

I snuggled up against him, making myself comfortable. "Sounds a lot better than doing it alone."

Hitting thirty weeks feels both good and horrible at the same time. It was two weeks closer to the baby being born and two weeks that I've been stuck on bedrest. There were only so many books to read and videos to watch, no matter the plethora of availability on the Internet, that a person could go through before it started to become tiresome.

Working would have passed the time better than anything else but both Dr. Montgomery and my own OB, after the appointment that Jackson had driven me to last week, had determined that it would have been too stressful and I didn't need to spend my day walking around the hospital. I didn't see how laying around wasn't stressful. There were still things I needed to do to prepare for the baby – more diapers to buy, a little baby bathtub. Reading parenting book after parenting book doesn't give me the same satisfaction that hands-on accomplishments do.

The most activity I get is an occasional stroll around the house. Getting exercise was supposed to be a good thing during pregnancy but about all I can do is stretch myself out now.

A knock on the door is unexpected, and a reason to get out of bed. I don't care much who is on the other side of it as I glance through the peephole with a squint, surprised to see that it was Jackson's mother, without him, on the other side of the door.

Opening the door, I put on the best smile I could muster up. "Hi, Catherine."

"Hello, sweetheart," she smiled at me as she bent down and picked up the two bags of what appeared to be baby items with him. "I hope you don't mind me and Richard stopping by."

"Dick is with you?" I questioned, eyebrows raising as I stepped back to let her in.

"Yes. Jackson mentioned that you wanted a specific chair for the nursery so he's getting that unloaded now." She explained. "Dick will get that set up in the nursery for you. Why don't you just sit back down and get off your feet? We don't want anything happening to my sweet grandson."

"Oh, I'm fine." I had spent too much time off of my feet. "Let me help you with some of that."

"No, no. You sit and I'll show you what all I brought over." She insisted.

"Alright."

Arguing with her didn't seem pointless. I'd never been alone with her or Dick before, Jackson had always been in the room and they had focused more on talking to each other than talking to me. Sometimes it had seemed like I was just an incubator to them, but I had found it easier to not get myself too involved. Catherine was intimidating, just as intimidating as Dick was, if not more.

"You should have told me that you were coming by and I would have made lunch." Really, I just wanted a little bit of a heads up even if having some company was nice. I might have done my hair.

"You don't need to worry about a thing, April," she brushed off. "You're thirty weeks now?"

"And a day, yeah," I nodded.

"I'm surprised that Jackson was willing to move in with you." She commented as she looked around I stiffened. "He was so excited to set up a nursery at his house. He had a good time going through all of his old baby things."

"Well, we're still going to recycle some of his old things." I wet my lips. "But actually, moving in together as his suggestion. We both agreed that it would be easier for both of us and better for the baby."

"Ah," she clucked her tongue. "Of course. But you are still going to breastfeed him, aren't you? It's better for the baby."

Well, that certainly wasn't input I wanted, no matter the answer. "I am. As long as I'm capable of it and it's enough for the baby, I will."

"Good." Catherine smiled. "We need that baby to be as healthy as possible. Oh! Speaking of, I got this little beanie embroidered for him with the club's logo. Jackson had one when he was young and it's just too worn to even try and make use out of, so I thought I'd get one together just for him." She pulled it out from one of the bags, handing it over to me. It was a light blue beanie with the symbol right there, like she had said. My stomach dropped.

"Oh," I breathed out as she handed it over to me. "That's… that's very thoughtful of you, Catherine."

My son would never wear it.

"You don't seem to like it." She commented with a raise of her eyebrows.

"Oh, no, I mean… it's wonderful. Wonderfully made." I forced a smile across my lips. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound unappreciative. I guess being on bedrest has thrown me off."

Fortunately, the front door opened as Dick entered, maneuvering a large chair with him. It was a comfortable gray rocking chair that I had pointed out to Jackson in a magazine, the exact model that I had wanted. I smiled for a moment. He had been paying more attention than I realized.

"Do you need any help with that, Dick?" I asked, straightening up.

"Nope, I got it." He shook his head. "You stray right where you are. Don't want anything happening to that kid."

"Alright." I breathed out and leaned back against the sofa, hands on my thighs. "I'll just stay right here."

"Have you two decided on a name yet for the baby?" Catherine asked.

"Uh, no, we haven't." With my hand on my round stomach, I glanced down at my bump, feeling the baby twist inside of me. "Well, we haven't decided on a first name yet. But… the middle name is going to be Robert, after Jackson's father."

"Robert?" Her eyebrows shot up. "Well, that's a surprise."

"He's been thinking a lot about his own father lately," I commented with a shrug of my shoulders, not wanting to get too far into it. I didn't think she knew about the journals that Jackson had found – I barely knew about them. All he had told me was that he had been reading them. "I think, you know, it's because he's becoming a father himself. It's making him reflect back on his own parents. I've been doing the same thing. He really loved his dad."

"Hm." She huffed out the noise. "Interesting. I wouldn't have expected that from him. And what about your parents. April? Where are they in all of this?"

I took a deep breath. "My parents died while I was in medical school," I said honestly. "I was close with them but uh, I don't like the name Joseph very much for my own son, so I think we'll leave the naming after fathers just for Jackson's side of things."

"Naming it after Robert, huh?" Dick said as he returned to the living room, folding his arms.

"Yeah, for the middle name," I answered, suddenly uncomfortable.

"Huh," he chuckled. "Wouldn't have guessed that. Living in the past."

"We're looking at the future a lot, actually." Defense words slipped out quicker than I could have even tried to hold them back. "But we want to honor the past, yes, and that includes his father, of course. He helped mold Jackson into the man that he is today and even though I did not meet him, I for one, am very appreciative of that."

Things were silent and tense for a few seconds before Catherine spoke. "Well, you're his old lady," she declared. "I'm sure that you two know exactly what you're doing."

"I'm–I'm not." I pinched the bridge of his nose. "We're just having a baby together."

"And living together," she added. "You may not realize it yet, and maybe even you both don't realize it yet, but you certainly are his old lady, April. You might as well accept it." She stood up, looking back at Dick. "Why don't we head out and leave her alone? She must need to get a little more rest."

Even though the comment was certainly backhanded, I don't have the energy to try and fight against it nor the gall to try and convince her to stay. I don't really want her to. For the first time in the two weeks that I had been on bedrest, I actually wanted to be alone and away from people, not forced to make smiles and small talk. It was a quick turn around that I had not seen coming. I take the bags of items that she had brought over and set them down on the new bed, retreating to my bedroom and grabbing my laptop to find a documentary to fall asleep watching.

Another two weeks go by and I could feel myself getting moodier by the time. Even with so much time in bed, it was hard to feel well-rested. The baby was getting bigger and compressing my organs and lungs more and more with each passing day, making it next to impossible to find any comfortable position to sleep in. Jackson spent some nights on the couch trying to avoid my tossing and turning and groaning.

Although the baby needed to stay in for his health, I wanted him out.

A whine slipping past my noise, I rolled from my left side onto my right. I had to stay on my sides with a pillow between my knees or laying propped up on pillows if I wanted to be on my back. It took a lot of effort to get from one side to the other.

"I don't know how much longer I can do this." I sighed out. I don't know if he's awake or not.

"Mm?" He mumbled, squeezing his eyes then blinking awake.

"I'm going crazy," I whispered. "I want to go on a run around the neighborhood and I don't even like running. Yet I'm tired and I still can't sleep. My boobs hurt. I'm horny but we're not supposed to have sex. I am literally turning into a crazy person."

"It's not much longer, I promise." He propped himself up with one arm, his other hand coming out to rub my shoulder gently. "You've already made it a month. That's awesome."

My head shook. "I don't think that I'm going to make it another month. This is too much to handle."

"You will. I promise." He smiled at me.

"And what about everything that's going to come after?" It was as if the flood gate inside of me had opened, every insecurity pouring out. "You've got this thing with the ATF and getting proof against the club and I'm going to be exhausted and we're not even, like, dating. I don't know what we are. Dr. Montgomery thought you were my husband and your mom keeps calling me your old lady but like, we're just two people who live together and happen to be having a baby together. This is all kinds of crazy." I take a breath, thinking it was over, but it wasn't. "I don't know what my life even is anymore. I mean, I wanted normal so badly and that spun away from me so hard and I'm not saying that I'm unhappy because I'm not, but I am super confused and this baby is making me so emotional all the time and I'm so freaking horny all the time that it's so hard to lay in bed with you and not have sex."

Jackson blinked a few times in shock, trying to process with everything that I had thrown at him at once. It was a lot. I knew that. I could feel my cheeks getting warmer and warmer with each moment of silence that passed between us.

"I don't know what's going to happen with all of this and right now, to be honest, I'm too worried about labeling you as anything other than this amazing woman who's having my son." He cupped my face, thumb stroking across my cheekbone. "You're important to me and I know that. I know that with certainty. Things may not be normal but at least we're kind of heading in that direction. We're heading away from the MC, so that has to be getting closer to normal. And guess what? Laying in bed with you, it's pretty hard for me not to jump you. You're sexy when you're pregnant and horny."

"Ugh!" I whined, pouting on my lower lip. "God! That didn't help. I just want you more."

"C'mere," he whispered, shifting closer to me so I don't actually have to me. "I can help."

"Just because we can't have sex doesn't mean that I can't relieve some of that tension." He whispered, placing a soft kiss on my lips.

His hand ran over my belly, dipping beneath the curve that held our son. The waistband on my pajama pants is stretchy and there's no struggle for his hand to get underneath it, finding my panties and two fingers stroking over the cotton. I'm already wet. That seemed to be a constant these days, every pair of panties I wore ultimately ending up damp. But it's so nice to have his hand there, rubbing over my folds and gently teasing my clit.

"Oh," I breathed out with a moan. "That feels so good."

"Relax, princess." Jackson murmured. "Let Daddy take care of you."

I'm too horny to think for a second about the words coming out of his lips, shuddering as his finger rubbed a circle over my clit. He teased me like that for a few minutes, just gentle strokes and rubbing over the fabric of my panties, letting me make little whines and squeals. My eyes fall shut, hips rocking desperately against his hand.

"Feels so good," I tremble when his fingers finally slipped beneath my panties, touching my arousal.

"You look so damn sexy, just like this," Jackson began to speak as his fingers rubbed circles around my clit. It's enough. It's more than enough. "All those curves. God, I'd love to just drive myself into you and feel your sweet little cunt clench around my length. You'd feel so good. And you'd look so good, taking me like that. Your ass looks so good these days, princess. I get myself off in the shower thinking about how fucking good you look."

I began to buck against his fingers, panting and gasping and threatening to come undone against his warm body. My cheek pressed against the pillow, entire body curled and tight while he kept rubbing my clit like it was nothing. The orgasm is sudden like snapped elastic, it hits me so hard I feel myself explode and cry out, bucking relentlessly him with hunger.

"Oh my god," I breathed out when I finally had it in me to speak again. "That was amazing."

"Always happy to help." He stuck his fingers in his mouth, licking my juices off of them and pulling them out with a salacious pop. If my body wasn't so spent, I would have wanted more from that alone.

"I need a minute to recover before I can return the favor," I warned him, breathing heavily still. "And I think that you're going to have to change positions because I want to use my mouth."

"That I can do," he chuckled, giving me another kiss.

For a few minutes, we both just laid there as I tried to get my heart rate back down. It was still pounding like crazy, the relief of such a strong orgasm more than anything else that I had done in the past few weeks. He just knew exactly what to do and say – I would have never guessed that included calling himself daddy, but there was something about it that just turned me on. Maybe there was no wrong thing for him to say in a moment like that.

"Oh–" I breathed out suddenly, grabbing onto my bare stomach where my pajama top had ridden up. "Ow." A cramp had taken over the underside of my belly and my eyes squeezed shut with the wince. "Ow, ow, ow," I repeated myself.

"What's wrong?" Jackson asked, reaching over and turning on the lamp on the nightstand. "Is it the baby?"

"I– ow!" I cried out again, twisting over to the side. "No. Yes. I don't know." For a moment, the pain was too unbearable for me to be able to think or give him some kind of appropriate answer. He stared at me, his brows drawn together with worry and confusion.

"April, what is going on?" He couldn't stay quiet.

"I think… I think it was a contraction."


	7. Chapter 7

**_JACKSON_**

"Congratulations, Daddy."

Our handsome three-pound, fourteen-ounce baby boy was settled inside of the incubator. April had spent nearly thirty hours in labor, trying desperately to keep our son inside of her for just one more day to give him more time to cook. With the injections that she'd gotten a month ago, his lungs were supposed to be just fine. He had trouble maintaining his own temperature which was why he had to stay inside the box for a little longer until he was able to do it on his own. I didn't understand much of what the doctor had been saying but April had. I trusted her reaction. She wasn't as panicked as I thought she would be based on the many hours of labor.

Kieran Robert Kepner–Avery had been born in the early morning of Valentine's Day. Neither one of us had slept since she'd gone into labor. Yet no amount of exhaustion was capable of taking away the overwhelming joy that I felt, resting my eyes on his tiny body.

"You did amazing, babe." My thumb stroked across April's cheekbone, pushing some hair behind her ear. "You did so well."

"I'm so tired," she chuckled weakly and her eyes fell shut as she took a few long, slow deep breaths. The nurses had taken him away for a few shots or something. I wasn't sure what. "We were supposed to have an April baby. An Aries or Taurus. Like me. Now we have a Valentine's Day baby."

"Romantic," I chuckled. "It's sweet. I don't care. I'm just glad that he's here now."

My head rested on the bed next to her hip, eyes shut for a moment. My exhaustion was there too but I knew that it couldn't be anything like hers after she physically gave birth to our son. She was amazing. Seven months ago, she had been nothing more than some random hot redhead in a bar, and now I couldn't imagine caring about her any more intensely than I already did. I'd been fresh out of jail and not known what I wanted to do going forward, but she had made everything abundantly clear. She'd given me the best piece of my life. She had given me my son. There was nothing in the world that I could do to thank her for that. I loved him so much.

And I loved her.

Even if I had never said the words so directly, I knew that I did. She had grown and taken care of my son for every day that he had been inside of her and she wasn't going to quit any time soon. April had made it clear that she was going to be a good mom. I wanted to live up to her standards and be a good dad. Maybe it would take time, but I would be a good father. But I wanted to be more than that. I wanted to be a real family man. That included my relationship with her.

"April," I murmured her name. It took a moment for her eyes to open and she looked at me, a soft smile on her lips. It was stunning, even though I could see how tired she was in her eyes.

"What?" She asked.

"I don't want you to be just the mother of my child, April." I straightened up slightly. "You're more than that to me. You're so much more than just that. I want you to be my old lady – my girlfriend, my significant other, whatever you want to call it. I don't have to call you my old lady." I smiled sheepishly though my heart pounded inside of my chest, desperate for her approval. "I'll call you whatever you want me to call you. I will."

Hazel eyes widened as she stared back at me and processed all of the words that I had thrown her way. It took her a minute to wrap her head around everything, leaving me sitting there and feeling like a goddamn fool for pouring out every feeling to her.

"Are you being serious right now?" The bed shifted slightly as she pushed herself to sit up.

"Of course I'm being serious," I nodded my head firmly. "You're not just a baby mama to me."

Tears just barely appeared on her bottom lash line. "Then yeah. Okay. I'll be your… old lady or your girlfriend or whatever we're supposed to call it." She answered with a nod of her head, sniffling. "I don't care what you call me."

"How about just mine?"

An emotional nod of her head followed and I moved up so that I could kiss her lips hard, cupping her cheek inside of my head. It's not the same kind of revered passion that usually came before us, but something so much more than that. It felt like she was mine, but just as much that I was hers. God, I was crazy about her. I could only hope that she felt half of what I did. If she did, then I would be set. If she didn't… I had to hope that she would come around to it.

Refusing to let go of her, I fall asleep on the bed a few short minutes after she does. Her snoring doesn't take me and mine doesn't wake her. Instead, the thing that does wake us would be the same thing that would wake up the both of us for the next however many months of our lives.

"Hi Momma, Daddy," the nurse greeted us softly. Kieran cried out quietly.

"Can I?" I sat up quicker than I realized I could, my back popping. As the nurse nodded her head, I stood up to take my son from her. He had a nasal cannula still taped to his face, but apparently, he was still okay.

"Hold him nice and close so that you keep him warm." She instructed me. I nodded my head, trying to be careful. He was so small – smaller than I had been ready for. I was worried I might hurt him. "That's what's best for him when he's not inside of the incubator. You want to share your body heat with him."

"Is this okay?" I asked, looking up for approval. She nodded her head.

April stirred from the bed. "You're a natural, Daddy." She smiled at me.

"Hi, kiddo." I smiled down at Kieran, holding him high on my chest and making sure that a hand stayed under his head. "I uh, I hate to break it to you, but I'm your old man. You're going to be seeing a lot of me over the next eighteen or so years of your life." An airy noise escaped him. "You sure look like your mom, don't you?"

"His doctor wants you to try seeing if he'll breastfeed," the nurse spoke to April. "At his age, it could go either way. But we need to know if this is something we're going to have to add to the list of things to take care of."

"Okay, sure," she nodded her head. "We'll give it a go."

"Are you ready to see your Mommy?" I looked down at him, eyebrows raising and making a face. "'Cause I think that Mommy is ready to see you."

Shifting closer to April, her arms formed an easy cradle for our son as I handed him down to her. She lit up at him like he was the most magnificent thing in the world – and he was. He did look like her, minus the nose and the eyes. He had a wide nose like me, light blue eyes. They weren't quite the same shade as mine but apparently, that was something that changed as they got older.

"Can I do anything to help?" I asked, looking up at her eagerly.

"No," she shook her head. "Actually, uh, yes. Make sure that no one walks in. Especially not your mom." She smiled weakly.

I chuckled. "Yeah, okay. I'll stand guard."

Truthfully, it felt a little good to stretch out my legs. Neither one of us had seen much other than her hospital room in the past two days and we'd had some visitors going in and out – Dick and Mom, Alex and Izzie, Amelia, a few of the other guys from the club wanting to see what was happening. Most of them had gotten impatient about it after the first twelve hours. Waiting over thirty had been absolute agony for both of us. But it was worth it. All of it was worth it now that he was here.

There was an empty bed to sit on just down the hallway from the door to our room, and I take advantage of it. It was going to be a good while before either one of us got a good night of sleep, I knew that. But it was nice to think about.

Pulling my phone out of my pocket, it doesn't surprise me to see that there's a multitude of text messages and missed calls from some of the most important people in my life. It had gone off way too many times while she had been in labor and I had turned it on silence, not wanting it to disturb her. I would have thought that most of it would have been from my mom, and there was a good portion from her, most of which had slowed down after she had gotten the news that Kieran had actually been born and named. But there was a ton from Alex. He rarely called in a capacity like this unless there was something big going down.

Tapping on his name, the line rang a few times before he picked up the line, but without his typical gruff greeting. "Yeah?" His voice was quieter than usual. Somber, even.

"Hey," I greeted him. "Sorry, put my phone on silent, all the stuff with the baby. What's going on? Saw that you called a bunch."

"It's my dad." He sighed through the phone. "He's dead."

Shit. I'd known that it was coming soon, but I hadn't expected to hear the news on a day like today.

"Damn, man." My heart drops a bit, but even though Alex's dad had been like one to me, there was still a good amount of joy inside of my heart from the birth of my son that couldn't be erased. "I'm so sorry. I wished I'd known sooner, I would have called you back quicker than this. That sucks. I thought he had a little bit longer with the treatment he was trying."

"It wasn't cancer that killed him," Alex grumbled on the other end of the line.

"What?"

"His cancer didn't kill him, Jackson." He repeated himself with his voice raising slightly. "It wasn't fuckin' cancer, after all that chemo and other shit that he went through. Someone else killed him. Found him at his house with a bullet in his head."

It wasn't just cancer that hadn't killed him. He had been murdered.

"What the fuck?" I blurted out. "Was it another gang? Retaliation? Have the police said anything?" Questions come flooding out through my lips. That was a hell of a lot different than just his cancer finally taking him.

"Haven't gotten back any answers yet." There was silence for a long minute on the other end of the line. I didn't know what to say. "We're looking into it."

"Shit, man," I breathed out heavily. "I'm so sorry. We're going to get to the bottom of this. Let me know if there's anything that I can do from here, okay?"

"Don't worry about. You just had your kid. I don't expect you to do anything else right now." He sighed again.

"I appreciate it, man." But I couldn't just let nothing be done about it. "But I'll see what I can do from here, I promise. You're not going to go through something like this alone. You and your old man were there for me when my dad died, and you can bet your ass that I'm going to do everything that I can for you now." The least I could do, definitely. "I promise," I repeated myself.

Alex's dad was dead.

It took me a moment to sit there with the information and press it. Sure, I had known for a while that it was going to come. He'd been fighting off cancer for over two years now and it hadn't been an easy fight for him to deal with. But this was completely different than being taken something like. This was something that was going to warrant revenge and more violence to get even. The exact thing that I was supposed to be getting away from now that Kieran was here. Shit. This wasn't the type of thing that I was prepared to be able to balance out.

Sitting there for a few moments longer, I continue to go through the other texts on my phone. Dick and my mom could mostly be ignored at this point now that the baby was born. There was a good picture of Kieran to be sent out to everyone else. He might have been tiny and wrinkly, but he was a cute baby.

There was another missed message from Agent Pierce. I sighed. Moments later, it rang with her call.

Kieran was the reason that I was going through with all of this and the fact that he was actually here now was going to be a good, present reminder of why it was important. Nothing was going to be more important than making sure that he had the best possible future.

"Hello?" I answered begrudgingly.

"Jackson! Finally," Agent Pierce sighed through the phone. "Why weren't you answering?"

"Because my son was born this morning," I answered bluntly. "April went into labor two nights ago and I've been a little distracted making sure that everything was good. He's the reason that I'm doing all of this stuff in the first place, remember?"

"Oh," she breathed out awkwardly. "Congratulations."

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Yeah, thanks." I knew it wasn't a real concern of hers. "Why did you keep calling?"

"We're planning a raid on your clubhouse." Agent Pierce informed me. "It would be good if as many people as possible were there for the sake of arrests. The sooner that we can get this over with, the better. It's something that would be best if we could go over all of the details of in person. You'll want to avoid getting caught up in it but we're going to need as many of the club members as possible there."

Running my hand over my face, a heavy sigh came out. This needed to be done but now that Kieran was here, I didn't want much involvement with whatever else was going to happen. But I did know one thing.

Babies meant money. Babies being in the hospital for however long Kieran was going to be there, it was going to be an expensive thing and if the clubhouse was gone soon, that pretty much tapped out my source of money. I was a decent mechanic, but that was it. Only decent. My job was routed in the club. I wasn't going to depend on April for money. I needed one last thing, one last big job, in order to land tight and make sure that we were going to be set for money. A big sell that I could store away the profits from so ATF wasn't going to come looking for me. I was only protected from past crimes when I had signed the papers, not anything in the future.

"When is it going to happen?" I asked.

"Well, the baby gives you a reason to not be here. Tonight would be good." She said.

"No, no," I spoke quickly. "You can't do that."

"Why not?" Agent Pierce questioned.

"Uh…" I took a deep breath, trying to come up with something. "There aren't any guns at the clubhouse right now. They just got sold off so if you go there, you're not going to find anything."

She sighed. "Dammit," she muttered. "Okay, so then what we need you to do is let us know when you're going to have the next shipment of guns in the warehouse so we can raid it then. We need the evidence on the property along with all of the guys there."

"I know." I resisted the roll of my eyes even if she can't see me. "Listen, I'll tell you when it's a good time, okay? You're supposed to trust me. Two-way street."

"Forgive me if you're not the easiest person in the universe to trust." She scoffed at me.

"I came to you to take this thing down and do the best possible thing for my son. Don't tell me that I'm not easy to trust." My voice raised and I took a deep breath, glancing around to make sure that no one I knew was in the hallway. "I'll tell you when it's a good time. I've got to go." Without anything more, I hung up the phone.

Shit. This was getting real.

A run for guns on my own could be enough to get a couple of hundred of thousands stored away somewhere that the ATF couldn't touch. Keep it shoved away in some safe deposit box until it was needed or there was no suspicion on either of us.

There was always drugs. I knew that April would have hated me getting into something like that. Prostitution was something that I had no interest in no matter the kind of money that could have been made. That just led me back to weapons again. I could do something separate from the club, steal from the club if I had to… but ATF would have caught on with that. I wasn't sure what the hell I was going to do to come across enough money to take care of April and me. Maybe I could sell the garage and clubhouse once Dick and the others were not able to stop me. At least that was legal.

Taking a deep breath, my head leaned back against the wall as the sigh escaped. There was no easy way to get around any of this and I didn't know how to do hard in a legal way. I'd never learned how.

Standing up, I walked back down the hallway toward April's room. It'd been a couple of minutes. I wasn't sure how long breastfeeding would take or if it had even been successful for her in the first place, but she had made it clear that it was something that she wanted to do on her own. I hoped it wouldn't all be like this. I wanted to be as present as she would let me.

I gave a small knock on the door, waiting for her to reply before stepping in.

"Hey," I smiled softly at her. If she had been struggling before, I couldn't tell now. Kieran was feeding on her nipple like it was nothing, looking so tiny with her arms curled around him. "How's it going?"

"Good," she looked up with a smile. "It took a few minutes to get him to latch, but he seems to be doing well now."

"That's how you know he's mine. He loves your nipples." I smirked.

"Oh, shut it, you!"

The funeral for Alex's father comes a few days later and it's crowded. The typical motorcycle ride comes and goes to the procession in order to guide and escort the vehicles. It's noisy and crowded, as it would have been for anyone. But Alex's dad was a legend among the MC. No one would have missed out on a gathering like this one.

None of us had any kind of information on who had killed him or why by the day of the actual funeral. The police were conducting their own investigation separate from the clubhouse but we had a guy on the inside who made sure to keep us up to date with all of the information that they got. There was no kind of DNA evidence on the scene. Whoever had done it, they had planned it out and made sure that it wasn't going to be easy to find it. But we weren't going to stop looking just because it was hard. We would find justice for his father one way or another. It was something that would have to be a priority. We were capable of investigating on our own even if we didn't always follow the strict guidelines of the law.

Alex doesn't cry during the service. No one does. It's somber but not that kind of occasion. Izzie came to the funeral but she stood out like a sore thumb among everyone else who was at the funeral. She might have been dressed in black, but she didn't belong. She didn't stand by Alex, either, which was the part that threw me off. They were together. She didn't really have another place to be.

"Hey," I murmured to her as I approached after the ceremony was over. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Izzie nodded and forced a smile.

"I'm surprised that you're not with Alex," I remarked as I glanced over at him. Dick was with him, an arm wrapped around his shoulders. He was acting like a parent to him. No surprise.

"We uh, we broke up." She gave a small shrug of her shoulders. "He broke up with me. He's grieving, so… I can't blame him for that but I didn't want to just not show up on a day like this. And I liked his dad. He was a good man. We spent some time together at the hospital while he was getting treatment." She cast her gaze aside. "I think he blames me for the chemo. For why he probably wasn't strong enough to fight back."

"Shit," I breathed out with a shake of my head, running my hand over my face. "Sorry. It's not your fault. But whoever came after his dad – we're going to get justice for him. I promise."

Her gaze dropped. "It's a nice thought." She breathed out. "And I hope that you do."

"We will."

No one took life from the MC without paying for it. But I had to focus on more than just the end of life. The beginning was important. Even if my son was at the hospital, I wanted to be there for as much of it as I could.

For the first three weeks of his life, Kieran has to stay in the hospital. Most of the time is spent inside of the incubator in the NICU as he learns how to regulate his own temperature. April was discharged after three days, but both of us spend a lot of time still at the hospital on our own accord. They'd encouraged some kind of kangaroo something – skin to skin contact. It just meant sitting around shirtless and holding my kid. It was good for him, apparently. It was fine by me. I'd noticed a couple of nurses checking me out here and there. A couple months ago and I'd consider it. Now though, I only wanted my kid's mother.

That was a weird feeling.

But when we finally get to take him home from the hospital, it was a day for a huge celebration. It wasn't something that was just between the two of us, or even just the two of us, Mom, and Dick. Everyone in the club wanted to participate in some way.

So they did. At the clubhouse, a huge party was thrown together mostly by my mother's doing. Against April's wishes, we put Kieran in the little hat that she had knit for him – it's a bit big given that he had come early and she took plenty of joy in rolling it up a notch so that the logo on it was half-hidden. Probably the only thing close to a compromise we could get on the matter. We had to keep the cover up for the club until everything else was taken care of.

"Congratulations!"

Voices gathered together to shout the praise as April and I walked in with our sleeping kiddo snuggled comfortably in her arms. The women are quick to flock to her and I get dragged away by some of the guys.

"That's a good lookin' kid, brother," Deluca commented as he clapped me on the back.

"You're lucky he doesn't look like you," Alex added.

"Congrats, kid." Dick chimed in.

"Thanks, guys," I smiled sincerely at them all. "Couldn't be happier to have him here. It's about damn time we got to take him home from the hospital. Felt like shit having him at the hospital for so long." I admitted honestly. April had been anxious about getting him home too.

"It'll be good having you back around the clubhouse again," Dick said. "We've got a lot of work to do. Could use another pair of hands hanging around here to get it done."

My stomach sank but I kept the smile on my face. "You know that I'm here for it."

"Good," Dick chuckled. "Because we've got a pretty big shipment coming in next week and we're going to need all hands on deck to take care of it. It's going to be a big payday, though, for sure. I figure you'll like for the sake of your kid." It was like he knew exactly what to say to shove the knife in my back and twist it deep. It was working. I took a deep breath.

"Shit, you got lucky with me." I grabbed his shoulder and gave him a good shake, smirking. "You missed out on all of the expensive years."

"None of us are going to be worrying about money for a while," Alex chuckled. He handed a beer over to me before knocking back a mouthful of his own. "Least of all you. It's a good deal for all of us."

"But we can go over the details of everything tomorrow," Dick said. "Tonight, we celebrate."

Raising up the beer that Alex handed over to me, the necks of all of our's clung together with cheers as we all took a long drink. It did feel nice to get back to normal with all of them, even if it was going to be short-lived. Maybe this would be the enlist hurrah that we had as a family, especially if Agent Pierce had her way and everything got pushed forward on her agenda. It was time for me to move onto the family that was most important to me. Choices had to be made. I had to do right by my family.

Chatter occurred with pretty much everyone who came and went and I was happy to go along with it. Some wanted to talk about the baby and some wanted to talk about the club and what was going on as if nothing had changed. I don't mind either. But really, the only person I wanted to spend time around was getting her ear talked off both other old ladies.

Maneuvering through the crowd, she was easy to spot with that bright red hair up in a messy bun on top of her head. Izzie wasn't here like she probably would have been if things weren't rocky between her and Alex now – instead, Lexie had her attention.

"Hey," I greeted April with a kiss on the cheek. "How's my old lady?"

"Good," she smiled at me, nuzzling against me. "Just talking about our little man."

Is it a little weird to see her all cozy with a woman who's definitely been down on me more than a few times? Yeah. But at least Lexie had the sense not to tell her that. She was smart, smarter than most of the other girls who hung around the clubhouse. Maybe even too smart – but she wanted a place here, just like the rest of them.

"I saw him before your mom took him and he's so cute, Jackson." Lexie smiled. "Wish I had one like that."

"I got lucky. He looks just like her," I said as I looked at April.

"Oh, hush." Her cheeks turned a warm color in the low lighting of the clubhouse, shaking her head. "He looks like both of us. We're both very lucky." She disagreed, bumping against me.

"Mind if I steal a minute with her alone?" I asked Lexie. She nodded her head, walking away.

Cupping her face in both of my hands, I dipped my head down and kissed her hard. April paused for a moment in surprise before she returned the kiss and wrapped her arms around my neck, hauling herself up higher against me. She was so tiny against me, especially now that her baby bump was mostly out of the way, it would have been easy to crush her against me. She's entirely soft against me. I loved that.

"God, I wish we could sneak out of here and go have sex in the back of your car just like the first time we met," I commented, nipping gently at her bottom lip.

"That might be a little difficult with the car seat in the back," April laughed.

"I could find a way to make it work," I smirked.

"Well, we have to wait a few more weeks anyway." She pointed out. I could feel her take a deep breath and release it with her pressed up against me just like this. One hand settled on the curve of her hip, rubbing circles over her shirt.

"Torture!" I groaned out dramatically, giving her a little squeeze.

"Trust me, you do not want to go anywhere near down there right now." she shook her head, tilting her head forward and leaning her forehead on my collarbone for just a brief moment. "It's a mess. "It is still a bloody mess, actually, so I promise that even you would not be entirely comfortable down there."

I laughed. It took a lot to gross me out. "Alright, I guess I'll have to listen to your word."

"Was there something that you wanted?" As she spoke, her nails scratched through the growing curls on the back of my head. I was trying to keep it shorter, a little more tamed now. I liked it when she scratched my head and she did it more with shorter hair.

"Just you." I smiled at her, my eyes meeting her hazel ones and just staring at her for a long moment. Warmth flooded through my chest as I stared into her eyes. "I love you, April Kepner."

"What?" She blurted out the word against my lips.

"I love you."

April pulled back from me just a little bit so that she could look at my entire face though her arms don't unloop from their position around my neck and I still keep my hands on her hips. Her brows were drawn together toward the ridge of her nose as if there was something confusing about what I had said. I mirrored her expression, waiting for her to say something to still the suddenly rapid beating inside of my chest.

"You've never said that to me before." She observed. It took me a moment to realize that she was right. I'd thought it enough times, felt it enough times. But it had never come out of me quite so seamlessly as it just had.

"Yeah, well…" I didn't have an explanation, shrugging my shoulders. "I just do."

But she didn't hesitate to speak again. "I love you too, Jackson Avery."

Her lips pressed into mine again and I pulled her in tighter against me, breathing her in as our lips and tongue met. PDA doesn't bother me, especially given all of the sights and sounds that had been spread across the clubhouse, and even she doesn't shy away from it in the heat of the moment. She was soft and warm at the same time, far too inviting for circumstances that were so limiting. I wanted every piece of her body. Deepening the kiss just comes naturally even if there's not much further that we can go here.

Out of nowhere, a loud bang clambered through the room.

Lips tore away from April's but I don't let go of her, keeping her pulled in just as tight against me as I turned half my body to try and get a clue of what was going on. Another bang echoed through, a blinding flash going off at the same time that forced me to look away.

"Get down!" I dragged her underneath the pool table. "Stay quiet and stay here."

There was too much confusion for her to try and resist what was happening. Wrapping my hand around the edge of the pool table, I lifted my head up to try and get a glance at what was going on. The smoke around the room was still clearing up but the bodies moving were becoming progressively clearer with their purpose.

A coordinated group of men and women in black with guns all pushed through the fog, shouting so much that it was nearly indistinguishable what exactly they were saying. But I knew exactly what was going on. Only it hadn't been planned. There had been no heads up or warning like Agent Pierce had said that she would give me – it was just happening without any of that. Shit. Shit! April wasn't supposed to be here. I technically wasn't supposed to be here either for the sake of keeping my head down with the deal that I had made in the first place.

Where the hell was my son?

"Kieran!" I shouted, standing up the ground. "Mom!" She'd been the last person with him. "Mom!" Nothing could happen to him. If anything happened… I don't know what the hell I would do.

 _"ATF!"_

 _"Get down on the floor!"_

 _"Get on the fucking floor!"_

The shouts continue but it's nothing that I want to hear. I want to hear my mom, see her, make sure that Kieran was fine and that my son, not even a month old, wasn't caught up with all of this shit was going on. If I got my hands on Agent Pierce, I was going to lose my goddamn mind on her. How the hell could she put my son in danger like this? She knew that he was the only reason that I had gone through with this in the first place.

Standing up, I try to make it across the room to the last place that I had seen Mom. I don't get a chance. One of the men in black grabbed me by the back of my shirt and slammed my face into the ground. There was a crunch and pain shot through my nose.

"Get on the ground, you piece of shit!" The man yelled in my ear.

Groaning, I tried to roll over so that I could see what was going on and get eyes on my family. The officer doesn't give me a chance. His foot collided with my ribcage and he slammed me back down the ground. I coughed, blood splattering against the ground beneath me. For just a brief few seconds, it hurt too badly to even try to move.

I turned my head so that my other cheek was in the ground and I get my eyes on April. She was laying on her stomach underneath the pool table with both of her hands covering the back of her head. She was looking right at me. I had never seen such terror in another person's eyes, such panic, and confusion. She knew what I had been doing but this didn't make any sense to her either. Neither one of us had been prepared to be caught up in this happening. We were both supposed to be on the sidelines, not caught up in the middle. We were supposed to be safe. All of this was supposed to be so that we could stay safe.

Had it all been for nothing?

More and more of us end up on the ground, face down as the agents went through and did their thing. We could all hear them when someone from the back shouted that they had found the guns.

My stomach dropped. Had Agent Pierce gone back on our deal? Had there been some sort of time table clause that I'd failed to meet, some loophole that she was now going to use to screw me over? That seemed like the only reasonable explanation. All of the smoke was cleared out now but there was no point in trying to get up to fight. I couldn't hear Mom or Kieran crying. I wasn't sure where they were, but it seemed like they had managed to get away from all of the shit that was going down now. But I could see Dick on the ground. He hadn't.

Handcuffs break out all around us with the variety of agents. I could spot Agent Pierce's hair out of the corner of my eye and as she turned around, a satisfied grin was resting on her features. She walked over to me.

She spoke clearly as she bent down, snapping handcuffs around my wrists. "Jackson Avery, you're under arrest."


	8. Chapter 8

**_APRIL_**

It's impossible to say how long I lay on the floor for.

All of the men get cleared out of the clubhouse before anything else can happen. That has to happen before the rest of us are allowed to move. They don't take any of women – it was either a sexist thing or that was information from Jackson. Maybe both. By the time I'm out in the seemingly frigid March air outside, there's still a collection of squad cars and big black vans, but I don't see Jackson or any of the others. They must have already been taken off, or inside one of the vans. I ached to see him.

"Jackson!" I cried, looking around. He doesn't come to my rescue or relief. There's no movie moment of being reunited magnificently. I'm alone as I stand there.

One of the black vans ripped away from the parking lot and I stood there with my jaw hanging open, breathing heavily. My chest was tight and only seemed to get tighter and tighter with each passing second. A panic attack was coming on, skirting underneath the edges. But I couldn't. I had to swallow it down and force it off for just a little bit longer. I had to wait until I was at home and until I had my _son_.

Running back inside of the clubhouse, things are a mess between the abandoned classes and a few broken things here and there from the chaos that had occurred after the flashbang had gone off.

"Catherine!" She had been the last one to take Kieran. "Catherine!"

"I'm here, sweetheart." She stepped out of the back room, a portion of the clubhouse that I'd only been to a few times – usually too focused on getting my clothes off with Jackson to pay attention to it. "Kieran's right here with me. He chose a good time to need a diaper change, didn't you baby?"

"Thank God," I breathed out as I approached her. She handed Kieran over to me immediately and I hugged him tightly against my chest, my hand supporting his head. "Thank God you're both okay. What was all of that?"

"ATF." Catherine shook her head. "I'm not sure what they think they're doing, coming in like that. It must have been an illegal raid and they'll certainly hear from our lawyers."

Shit. I hadn't realized they had lawyers.

"Wow…" I breathed out, unsure what to say and not wanting to react the wrong way. "I can't believe something like that happened. Especially on tonight of all nights." My lips pressed against Kieran's head as he began to make a little noise. "It's horrible. They're not going to all go to jail, are they? I mean, they can't just do that…"

"No, they cannot." She clucked her tongue. "It's not going to be allowed to happen. But there's nothing that you can do tonight. You and that baby should get back home for the night."

"Are you sure?" Yet I already knew there was nothing that I could do here.

"Yes," she nodded. "We'll get all of this cleaned up another day and I'm sure whatever happens tomorrow, you're going to want to be well-rested for all of it."

Pressing another kiss against the top of Kieran's head and holding him tight, I stand there for a moment to appreciate the fact that he was safe before I heed to her advice. Maybe Jackson had known about this and he just hadn't been able to tell me about it because of some legal something. He would be home in a few hours. He had been working with Agent Pierce and he had gotten some kind of immunity deal, there was no reason that he should have been going to jail or prison with the rest of them. He would be fine. He would come home like nothing had happened and we would both have a weight lifted off our shoulders with the club.

The house was predictably empty when I arrived home. It takes half an hour to get Kieran to go to bed after he's changed into a clean diaper and a pair of pajamas. An hour of listening to him cry and wanting to do nothing more than the exact same.

But I don't have the energy in me. I don't even take off my sports bra before I fall asleep.

An alarm clock isn't necessary with a newborn. I'm up in three hours to feed him, and I fall back asleep promptly. Another two pass before Kieran woke up to feed again. After that, I try to get myself to fall back asleep, but I can't. Jackson should have been home by then. An hour or two was acceptable – paperwork, or something. There was an explanation for that. But the more time that passed, the less that I could explain it.

I don't bother with showering, going into the bathroom to clean myself up and wash my face, combing my hair back only to put it up in a bun again. I needed to go to the police station and see what was going on there. Surely they hadn't gone back to Sacramento yet.

Picking up my phone, I called Catherine.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Hi, it's April," I breathed out. "Have you heard from Jackson or Dick this morning? Jackson never came home last night and I just wanted to see if you had heard anything yet." I rambled on quickly.

"No, I haven't heard from either one of them," she answered. "I'm going to the police station this morning."

"Okay." I took a deep breath. "I'm going to do the same thing. I just need to get someone to watch Kieran for a little while and then I'll be there." Even if I didn't care about Dick, I would absolutely have to be there and make sure that Jackson was going to be okay.

"I'll see you there, sweetheart."

Hanging up the phone, I sighed loudly. Less than five seconds of peace passed before I could hear the sound of Kieran waking up with another cry and I shook my head. He must have missed his Daddy. I did too. Hopefully, I could drop him off with Izzie or Amelia for an hour or two. They had offered their babysitting services while I'd been pregnant a few times. Now, it was time to tap in.

It takes a bit to get him fed and changed into a clean diaper and onesie. He's fussier than usual. Getting him into the car seat by myself is an absolute nightmare as he screamed and kicked, and by the time that he was truly calmed down, I was already outside of Amelia's house. She lived closer, so she was stop number one.

The sky was still a dark shade of orange with the sun beginning to peak up from the horizon. I could only hope that Amelia was awake. That doesn't stop me from pounding my fist on the front door like it was the middle of the day. A minute passed and I knocked again.

"April?" Amelia questioned when she opened the door. "What are you doing?"

"Who is it?" A male voice yelled. It took me a moment to recognize Mark and I shook my head. I didn't have time for this as curious as I may have been. "Oh. Kepner. And baby!"

"Is there any way that you can watch Kieran for an hour or two?" I begged.

"What's going on?" Her brows furrowed. "Something's wrong."

"I don't have time to explain," I shook my head, bouncing Kieran as he gave a protesting cry. "But I really need someone to watch him for a little bit. Jackson's– it's a long story." I wet my lips, eyes widening. "Please?"

She stuttered. "Uh… I mean–"

"Yeah, we can watch him," Mark spoke up, clearing his throat and stepping forward. "I'm good with kids, trust me, Keps. I'm about to make this little guy love me." He gave a broad, toothy smile that nearly had the power to make me relax a bit. "Hand him over. What's going on with Jackson? He in some kind of trouble?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure," I breathed out. "I don't think so but… it's a lot to explain right now and I really want to get going. But thank you, for taking him. I'll explain it later if I can."

"No problem," he nodded. "Let me know if there's anything we can do to help. Jackson seems like a good guy."

"He is." I stepped forward, letting Mark lift Kieran from my arms. He cries out almost immediately upon being transferred into a stranger's arms and I squeezed my eyes shut briefly, making sure that no tears slip past. I don't have time for emotions. "Thank you. I'll be back soon, I promise."

With the stuffed diaper bag handed over to a stunned Amelia, I hurried back to my car and got behind the wheel. Any other day and I would have loved to tease both of them about whatever had inevitably been going on before I had been there. Mark's concern was thoughtful but I wasn't sure that there was anything that he could do. I didn't even know what I could do.

By the time that I reach the police station and park my vehicle, I don't see Catherine's car parked anywhere outside of it. I would have assumed that she would have gotten here first.

Getting out of the car, the police station was loud and crowded when I walked in. That was weird. Eureka wasn't a big enough town for there to be activity like this going on – it had to do with what had happened last night. I don't recognize the faces all around me. Once I'm through the metal detector by the door, I'm not sure where to go. There's no sign that says go left if you think that your boyfriend and the father of your child has been wrongfully arrested by an ATF agent that might have gone behind his back.

"Agent Pierce!" I called out when I saw the woman that had arrested Jackson. It had to be her.

She stopped, turning and staring at me. "Do I know you?"

"My name is April Kepner," I stepped forward and held out my hand. "I'm Jackson– Jackson Avery's girlfriend. You arrested him last night. I saw. He never came home and I wanted to know what was going on with all of the stuff…" I couldn't say much more. I wasn't sure who knew what, and well, I didn't know everything. Jackson had said he couldn't say much because of the legal ramifications.

"Oh, Miss Kepner," she breathed out. "Why don't I take you to a quiet place where we can talk?"

"Dr. Kepner," I corrected habitually. "Okay."

Agent Pierce led me toward the back of the police station. I couldn't help but look around through every window and desk, hoping to see Jackson sitting around somewhere and waiting for me to show up. But I don't. She opened the door to a small room with a table and three chairs, motioning for me to sit down. A sigh passed through my lips as I stepped into the room and walked around to the opposite side of the table, exhaustion hitting my bones cold as I lowered myself into one of the chairs.

"Can I get you anything to drink? Water? Coffee?" She offered.

"No," I shook my head. "I just want to know where Jackson is. That's all. I thought he wasn't going to be arrested. He… he told me bits and pieces about the deal. He said he wouldn't be."

"Ah, of course," she smiled politely. "Well, as a part of the deal, Mr. Avery does have immunity against crimes committed with the MC prior to the contract being signed. Unfortunately, however, we received an anonymous tip and found a stash of illegal drugs inside his house. He was arrested with everyone else and will be processed for those charges."

"Drugs?" My brow furrowed. "No, that's impossible. The club doesn't deal and he doesn't do drugs. There's no way that he would have any. And he doesn't even really live at the house anymore. He stays with me."

"I'm sorry, Dr. Kepner, but evidence is evidence." She hardly seemed sorry. "If you'd like, I could arrange a visit with him before you leave. He and the others are being held here. Bond proceedings will occur on Monday, after which he and the others may get out depending on what you decide to do."

This was bad. This was really bad. "I want to see him," I nodded my head. "I need to." The drugs really couldn't have been his, could they? Sure, he'd said that he had done them a few times. But this didn't seem right.

"Give me just a minute." Agent Pierce said, standing up and walking out of the room.

Once the door shut, I leaned forward and pressed my forehead against the cold metal of the table in front of me. He had been arrested. There were drugs involved. That just didn't seem like him. He'd never done anything like that in front of me and when would he have had the time? We had a newborn at home. Practically every waking moment was around one another now. I was good at spotting people on drugs – I had to be, for my job. Never once had I suspected him of being anything other than exhausted.

 _Please, God, don't let him be arrested_.

However long it took for her to go and get him, it felt like forever. My back hurt from the few hours of sleep that were terrible. I was in no way equipped to be a single parent, even if that was what I had assumed was going to happen when I had first seen that positive pregnancy test. I'd gotten so used to having him around. I didn't know how to handle that being torn out from underneath me.

The door squeaked loudly as it opened again and I jerked my head up without moving the rest of my body, chin on my knuckles. Jackson stepped into the room with his hands cuffed in front of him, Agent Pierce holding one of his arms to lead him in.

"Hey," I sat up all the way. "You're here."

"Yeah," he nodded his head and glanced back at Agent Pierce. "Can we have a minute?"

"Of course," she said. She attached the chain of his handcuffs to one of the metal loops on the table before she walked out and pulled the door shut behind her.

I reached forward, grabbing one of his hands with both of mine. "I don't understand what's happening."

"I don't know either. It's a load of bullshit," Jackson shook his head. "Think they're just trying to put me away."

"You think that Agent Pierce did this? That she set you up?" I questioned, my eyebrows raising. "She told me that they found drugs in your house. But you haven't even been there. Isn't that something that she would know? That you've been with me? I know that you don't use. Or you haven't been. None of this makes any sense."

"I'm not sure that any of this makes any sense to me either," he slouched forward. "I don't know. I mean, if it was a white man in her position, I'd think it without a second thought. But something doesn't add up here. The drugs aren't mine."

"Does she have any reason to want to put you away?" I leaned closer to him.

Jackson fell silent for a few seconds as he considered the query. "No, I don't think so."

"And it's not possible that any of the guys know about what's going on, right?" Even if they had, this didn't seem like the kind of thing they would do from everything he had said. I would have thought they would go for a more violent approach.

"No, there's no way that this is them," he confirmed my suspicions. "I don't know who."

Both of us fell silent for a few moments as we considered the weight of the ramifications. I held onto his hand and dropped my head for a moment again, letting the weight of my forehead rest on our hands. There was no clear way out. Catherine might have an answer but I couldn't let her in on everything that was going. I didn't have any friends that were lawyers. I was going to have to find one.

"I'm going to find us a good lawyer," I raised back up briefly. "Someone who can sort this out for us. I'll make sure of it, I don't care how much it costs. I have money. I'll find a way to make it all work out."

"The club already has a lawyer." He frowned.

"No," I shook my head. "We need someone separate from the club. Especially with all of the other stuff… I rather have someone separate. Someone better. Especially if this ends up getting any messier than it already is. Don't you think?"

"Yeah, alright," he sighed. "Just make sure that they know it's you, you know? That you're the one doing it. It's going to look suspicious if I'm the one trying to get some kind of outsider fixing my business and not everyone's."

"I don't want to make things worse." I chewed at the inside of my cheek. "I don't know what to do. You… you can't. You can't go to jail. I don't know what to do without you. I need you and Kieran needs you. He needs his father in his life." The rambles begin to come out quickly. "We have to find a way to get you out of here. We have to. I'll pay the bail after the hearing."

"You don't have to do that." His brows furrowed. "I know how to survive on this side of things."

"I don't know how to survive with you on this side of things."

Jackson stared at me with tears swimming in his blue eyes and I stared back, lips parted as if there was something more that I could say but I can't. There was a difference in being on my own because it was something that I wanted and being alone because the man that I loved was stuck behind bars.

"We're going to figure this out somehow." He assured me. "I'm not missing out on that kid's life. I won't."

"Okay," I nodded my head and tried to blink back the tears as they burn to the surface. "You're right. We're going to figure this out."

The door to the small room opened as Agent Pierce walked in, her gaze shifting between us. "I'm sorry, but that's all the time that you have." She spoke. "We need to get him back to his cell with the others." Her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"I love you." I leaned forward to get a quick kiss from him before she could take him away.

"I love you too, babe."

He barely gets the time to return the kiss to me before one of the uniformed officers come into the room to escort him back to the cell. Somehow, it was like he already looked ragged again even though I knew it hadn't been long since the last time that he had trimmed his beard. Was it possible that this place was already having an effect on him? Getting him out with bail money couldn't come sooner.

"Agent Pierce– wait a minute," I spoke up before she had the chance to walk away too. If she hadn't set him up and if the club hadn't set him up, there was only one other person that I could think of that might possibly benefit from Jackson being in jail.

"Yes, Dr. Kepner?" She turned to face me.

"Is it possible that someone could have set Jackson up? With the drugs?" I questioned and tucked my hands into my pocket, watching her reaction carefully.

Her brows furrowed. "I mean, technically yes, it's always possible. But given his histories and association, I doubt it. Why do you ask? Do you think that someone could have set him up?"

"Yes." I nodded quickly. "Maybe you can check and see if his fingerprints are or aren't on it. I mean, that's something that you have to do anyway, right?" She nodded her head. "I have a bitter ex-boyfriend. It's… it's possible that maybe he had something to do with all of this. I don't know. But things really didn't end well and he's shown some stalkers tendencies. His name is Matthew Taylor. If there are prints on the drugs, then I think you should run them against his." I had to say something. Maybe it was a long shot.

"If his prints are in the system already, then we can run against them." She agreed. "But like I said, given his history, it's unlikely that's the case, Dr. Kepner. This is probably just something that he wants to keep from you."

That was just something that I refused to believe.

"Thank you," I breathed out. "Uh, do you have a card or something, in case I need to get in contact with you?"

She reached into her pocket, handing over a tiny rectangular card. _Agent Maggie Pierce_.

"Uh, April, there's something you should know." She grabbed my arm, stepping closer to me before I could step away from her.

"What?"

"Catherine Avery knows something about the deal that Jackson and I made." She began, her voice lowered. "I don't know what exactly or how, but when she came in here this morning, she was talking to Dick and practically screaming about some kind of something that found from Jackson's father and how this had to be his fault. I tried talking her down about it, but I don't know if I did much good. She didn't seem to want to believe anything that I said."

"What?" This time when the world escaped from me, it was an octave higher and my eyes widened. How long had she known? How long had Dick known? Did the others know? "That's– no! That's not possible. Crap. Jackson's in danger here, surrounded by the rest of them. Don't you know that? You can't keep him here."

"The drugs charges are the only thing keeping him here right now." She sighed. "If you can get him out, that would be a good thing. It would be nice if you were right about the fingerprints but I'm not going to be optimistic. We're keeping all of them separate for now. But they'll see each other on the bail meeting on Monday."

Two days. Two days to figure it out.

"Thank you for telling me," I breathed out, running both my hands over my face. "Thank you. I'll… I'm going to find something to do to figure it out and make sure he stays safe." Whatever it would take.

"Of course," she nodded her head. "Stay safe, April. Don't be afraid to call."

Tucking her business card into my wallet so that I wouldn't lose it, I slowly dragged my feet back out to my car. I didn't know how to explain this to Mark or Amelia when they inevitably asked. I didn't know how to explain this to anyone. I barely knew how to wrap my head around it myself. If the drugs weren't planted by Agent Pierce or Matthew or Catherine… then we were screwed. Maybe Catherine was the player I had been underestimating. If she knew about it, she would have reason to want him to be in jail. It wasn't as cruel as killing him but still removed him from the picture. She was still his mother. Maybe she couldn't kill him and this had seemed like the next best alternative.

Everything was a little blurry between the tears as I drive back to Amelia's house to pick up Kieran. I'm not sure if the fact that I couldn't stop myself from crying made her uncomfortable, but she doesn't interrogate me like she thought I might. I'm glad. I'm not ready for it.

By the time that I was pulling up on my own driveway, there was a motorcycle parked outside of it that nearly made my heart skip a beat. It wasn't Jackson's. I could tell that much but I didn't know enough about them to be able to pinpoint who in the club it belonged to. No one should have been there. Everyone had been in the clubhouse when the raid had happened and I hadn't heard about anyone slipping away. Parking slowly, I sat in the car for a minute, listening to Kieran cry as I blinked back my own tears.

"Come on, buddy," I climbed out of the vehicle slowly to get him. "We can do this. You and Mommy have got this. We'll be okay for a few days, just the two of us. We can do it."

Dragging my feet up to the door and holding him tight against me, it was already unlocked. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath before stepping into the front room of the mouse. No one was there immediately. Shutting the door behind me, I moved a little further into my house with a squint. A male figure was sitting on the couch.

"Alex?" I blinked in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"Wondered if you were ever comin' home," he sat up.

"How are you not in jail right now?"

Alex laughed boisterously. "Funny fuckin' luck, that's how. Went out back with Lexie to get some head before ATF raided the damn place. Who knew a blowjob would save my ass?"

"Oh." Made me think twice about having to hold off for a few more weeks. I shifted Kieran in my arms. "Oh… that's… wow. That sure is some luck. Getting lucky… takes on a whole new meaning. Okay." I stuttered out awkwardly. "But uh, what exactly are you doing here?"

"Crashed at Lexie's last night and came over this morning. I must've just missed you." He stood up. "Jackson's why I'm here. I know he's behind bars with the rest of the guys right now. But he told me that if anything ever happened to me, he wanted me to keep an eye on you and the kid. Make sure that nothing bad happens. That's what I'm here to do." He explained.

"Oh." It was like I didn't know how to say anything else. "Okay. I… okay. I'm sorry, he didn't tell me that. And I really thought that all of you guys were in jail right now. I'm a little… off. I'm tired."

"S'fine," he shrugged his shoulders and tucked his hands into his pockets. "Don't worry about it. Why don't I watch the kid for a couple of hours and you get some sleep?"

"That would be nice," I nodded my head and let him take Kieran from me. "Thank you, Alex."

"Don't worry about it." Alex dismissed it. "This is what the club does for each other."

Something about those words stays with me.

Laying down, no matter how many thoughts were running through my head, it doesn't take me long to fall asleep. I need the rest. My bones were heavy and tired and I felt as if I could sink into the mattress and disappear entirely like it was nothing. Sleep comes easily without any dreams.

A gentle shake awake comes a few hours later when Kieran is hungry and Alex doesn't know exactly what to do about it without any formula or breastmilk in the fridge. I needed to get ahead with pumping and freezing breastmilk, I knew that, for whenever I got back to work. But it hadn't been a priority then and truthfully, it wasn't now. I needed to find a lawyer. Anything to get Jackson out of jail as soon as possible. I didn't know if there was anything I could do to speed up the process and Google was lacking real information about ATF deals and agents planting fake evidence.

Alex spent the day at my house. He made lunch which was a breath of fresh air for something that I didn't have to worry about, but taking care of Kieran is still on me. But it's the simple process of going back and forth between feeding him, burping, taking care of his diaper, and putting him down. The routine itself is easy. The lack of sleep and everything else going on was the hard part. It made everything that much harder to think about.

"You can take my bed if you want." I offered, chewing at my lower lip. "I'm not going to get much sleep and I know that my couch really isn't that comfortable."

"Nah, it's fine," he shook his head. "I'm not going to sleep. Want to keep an eye on you and the kid."

"Nothing's going to happen." Catherine's issue was with Jackson if she was the problem. She probably would. She seemed to care a great deal for Kieran and I didn't think she would do anything to harm him. "You should get some sleep. Sleep deprivation isn't any good for you."

He shrugged. "Rather keep an eye on you just to be safe."

"Well, I'm not going to be in there. So if you change your mind about it, then you should take the bed anyway." I gave him a slight smile, folding my arms in front of my ribs. "I'm going to be in the nursery if you need anything."

I stared at him for a moment longer to see if he would change his mind and he doesn't. The chair in the nursery is incredibly comfortable even if I don't like where it came from. It would be easy to fall asleep in it and whenever Kieran inevitably woke up hungry or with a dirty diaper, then I could get to him before he woke up Alex.

With a blanket wrapped around my front side and one of the extra throw pillows from the couch tucked behind him, I fall asleep sitting up. Three hours later, Kieran wakes up and he's quick to get a clean diaper on and fed again, going to sleep happy. When I go out into the living room to check on Alex, he was asleep on the couch despite the offer that I had made. I grab a blanket and drape it over him before heading back to the nursery. Rolling out some of the kinks in my neck, it was easy to fall asleep in the same position again.

 _BANG!_

Awaking with a jolt from the crashing, I clutched my blanket to my chest as my heart pounded away rapidly. A moment passed before Kieran began to cry out. The noise wasn't in my head or my dream. It was something real.

"Shhh, sweetheart," I reached into the crib and rubbed his chest gently, trying to get him to calm down. It might have just been Alex knocking something over in a sleepy haze. "You're okay. Mommy's going to go see what's going on."

 _CRASH!_

"Okay, Mommy's going now," I whispered.

The nursery door was pulled shut behind me to try and minimize the noise that was going to come through to him. It was still too early for the light of the sunrise to be lighting through the open windows of the house, the hallway dark as I moved down it to the source of the noise in the living room. I can barely see anything – but there were two male figures in the room, not just one.

"April, get out of here!" Alex shouted.

Fumbling for the light switch, I flip it on quickly to see who else was in the room.

My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach when I saw him standing there. He was taller than Alex, a red mark on his face with rings that matched those that Alex wore. Apparently, he had at least gotten one good punch in. The front door of my house was kicked in. That had to be his doing. There was a gun on the floor – closer to me than it was to either one of them. But when he saw that I saw it, everything tense and frozen about the room was thrown away all at once.

Matthew lunged for the gun at the same time I did. I'm barely faster, hands connecting with the cool metal. He grabbed my arm and I twisted around, foot connecting with his shoulder to try and get him away from me. Alex grabbed onto him, yanking him away and trying to throw him back. He was bleeding, blood coming from his mouth.

"What the hell are you doing here, Matthew?" On my ass, I clicked off the safety on the gun and pointed at him. My elbows locked to keep my arms from shaking.

"You already know the answer to that," he replied.

"You know this asshole?" Alex questioned.

"What, are you already hooking up with some other biker?" He laughed. "I get Jackson put away and you just jump on the first available one? That's not you, April. None of this is. It's time for you to come home. Come home to me."

Another hard punch is thrown and I can hear the sound of something cracking as Alex's fist connected with Matthew's face. His attention was taken off of me as he attempted to show a punch back. I got off of the floor slowly, keeping the gun pinned at both of them. There was no way that I could use it. I couldn't get a clean enough shot. The only thing that I even knew how to do was point and shoot.

Matthew and Alex tumbled with one another, hitting one of the tables in the living room and knocking over the lamp and photograph on it. The sound of punch after punch being thrown was sickening but I couldn't take my eyes off of them.

"Fuck!" Alex cried out suddenly.

One of the pieces of the broken glass from the picture frame that had been on the table was no longer just sitting on the ground as a worry about being rolled on. Instead, Matthew had grabbed it and shoved it in Alex's chest, deep. Blood was pulling around what little of the glass still stuck out from his skin. My hands shook and I let out a breathy gasp. It was bad. It was really bad. He needed a hospital and my phone was still in the nursery, too far away to call 911.

But I had to try.

Turning on my heel and quickly sprinting down the hallway back toward the nursery, the door slammed shut behind me. Kieran begins wailing again and I can't comfort him despite every instinct in my body aching to reach out and pick him up. My phone was on the floor and I barely get the chance to grab it before the nursery door opens so hard it hits the wall and thuds against it.

"Come on, April, there's no reason to be like that," Matthew spoke.

"Get out of my house!" I yelled at him, turning around and pointing the gun at him.

"You and I both know that you're not going to use that, honeybun," he smiled at me as he took a step forward. "Why don't you just hand that over to me? We can pretend none of this happened. We can go back to the way that things used to be between us."

"I don't want that." Another step forward and I was only shaking hard instead of pulling the trigger. "Please, just get out of my house. Leave me alone. I don't want you in my life and you shouldn't want me."

"But I do."

Matthew stared at me for a long moment and I couldn't figure out what he was about to do until it was too late. His hand hit my wrists and slapped the gun away from me, grabbing onto my arm and jolting me forward. He threw me down into the floor and my head ricocheted against the ground, tears forming as the pain shot through my skull.

"Please don't do this," I sobbed. "I have a life. A baby. I don't want this." I begged him. "Just go. I won't tell anyone you were here. I'll make sure that Alex doesn't either. Please!"

His thumb stroked along my cheekbone gently. "You don't want this life. You want ours."

"No, I don't." I shook my head. My fingers tried to reach for the gun, but it was just out of my reach. "Please. You'll find another girl. A nicer girl than me. Someone who wants you in the way that you deserve. That wasn't me, Matthew. You deserve better than me. I'm just some biker's whore, right? You don't want that."

"We'll get you back to who you used to be." His head tilted as he stared at me, his hands beginning to wrap around my throat. "Don't worry. You'll be good again. As long as you're with me."

"You deserve better than that." I shook my head and tried to reach just a little bit further. _Almost, almost_. One more good reach. "Come on, Matthew. You should know what you deserve and it's not me. You used to be so adamant about what you deserved and getting it."

"I'm going to get it either way," Matthew sneered.

Finally, my fingers connected with the cold metal of the gun. The carpet kept it quiet as I pulled it just a little closer to me but the movement is enough to alert Matthew's attention to what I was doing. But it was too late. Grabbing the gun and turning it toward us, I squeezed the trigger.

Blood splattered against me from the impact. Then suddenly, he was coughing more onto me and I squeezed my eyes shut to try and avoid it. Pain was searing through my wrist from the awkward angle of pulling the trigger and I let go of the gun, trying to push him off of me. This time, it works. He rolled over and onto his back. I quickly squirmed away from underneath him, panting for air and pulling my knees in against my chest.

"You shot me," he stated in shock.

"You broke into my house with a gun and stabbed my friend and hurt me!" I yelled back.

"I can't believe you just shot me. You fucking bitch." Matthew spat out. He sat up suddenly and looked around. The gun was closer to him than it was to me. This time, I wasn't fast enough.

The gun went off again and pain ripped through my abdomen. My hands went to the pain instantly only to pull away, bloody. I had shot him. And he had shot me back.

"You fucking bitch!" He repeated himself, crawling over to me. "You're going to pay for this."

His hands wrapped around my throat again, immediately applying pressure. I tried to squirm and to fight back, but every moment only makes the pain in my abdomen worse than it was before. He slams me into the ground, head banging against the floor again as his hands tightened more and more around my throat.

The last thing that I hear was the sound of Kieran crying.


	9. Chapter 9

**_JACKSON_**

The courtroom was relatively empty. Each one of us was being brought in individually for the bail hearings despite the similarity in charges across the board for everyone in the club, except for me. The only real differences were based on the background of charges which did affect the bail number tagged on. Dick would have the largest amount. Everyone would be brought up on illegal gang activity and arms trafficking.

Looking around the room, I expected to see some kind of familiar faces. My mom. April. Maybe Kieran along with her. Yet none of them are there. Agent Pierce was there, as was the lawyer for the club. Meredith Grey. She'd gotten us off on plenty of things before and lowered the charges. She knew how to find loopholes in the law. There was supposed to be confidentiality between me and her about anything going on, but I couldn't guarantee that. Now, I didn't have a choice. She was going to have to keep her mouth shut about the fact that the charges being brought up against me were nowhere near the ones being brought up against the rest of the club.

Cold cuffs weighed heavily on my wrists and I didn't say a word to Meredith as I moved to stand next to her. I wanted to know where April was, but I didn't want her and Meredith interacting. April had said she would find a lawyer. Maybe it wasn't as easy as she thought.

"Bail is set at $50,000." The judge announced.

Damn.

One of the local officers came up to escort me back to the solo cell that I had been sitting in over the weekend. I didn't know why April hadn't come but it bothered me that she hadn't. She knew the bail hearing was going to be today. It wasn't like her to not show up for at least some kind of support. Maybe Kieran was being fussy. Maybe she'd slept through it. Hopefully, she would show up soon and get me out of here.

There's not much to do in a cell. It's different from prison in a number of ways, and the fact that there's pretty much nothing to do was one of them. I'd always had a good set up in prison from the club. Going forward, I knew that wasn't going to be possible any longer.

"Avery, you've got a visitor." One of the guards announced, keys jangling as he opened my cell door.

Standing up, I turned my head to see the male who was approaching me. I stepped out, expecting the officer behind him to put a pair of handcuffs on my wrist and he doesn't. The man coming up to me wasn't one that I recognized – definitely a couple of years older than myself, salt and pepper hair, but clean cut. Well-shaved and dressed well, an expensive watch on his wrist. Definitely not someone who was associated with the MC. But there was something familiar about his face that I couldn't quite pinpoint.

"Who are you?" I questioned, brow furrowing.

"Dr. Mark Sloan," he extended a hand as he spoke. "I work with April. I'm here on her behalf."

"Where is she?" I questioned immediately. "I thought she was going to show up at the hail bearing. She said that she was going to and it's not like her to just not show up without a warning."

"I paid your bail so they're letting you go now." Mark didn't answer my question immediately, moving to another one that I had but hadn't voiced. "On her behalf. You need to come with me."

Despite the excess of questions that I have for him, Mark managed to dodge all of my questions that I had about April and what was going on with her. She's at the hospital – he won't say why or what happened, but that I just need to see her for myself. Kieran was fine. That was all that he would say. The lack of answers infuriated me. Something had happened to her and he wouldn't tell me what.

When we finally reached the hospital, I try to get away from him and head straight to the nurse's station to get answers about where she was and what was going on. The nurse isn't helpful. Mark caught back up with me again and guided me up two floors to the room that she was staying in. It wasn't the psychiatric floor. She wasn't just relaxing in her office.

Halting to a stop outside of her door, my eyes laid on her.

April nearly looked as ghostly as the white sheets that she was laying on, almost all of the color drained from her face. Her eyes were shut and she wasn't moving, but there was a steady beeping of the heart rate monitor that she was attached to, indicating that she wasn't dead despite the way that she looked. Normally smooth hair was frizzy and didn't have the same shine as usual. Her neck was purple with dark bruises around it. whatever had happened, someone had certainly tried to beat the life out of her. It looked like they had almost succeeded.

"What the fuck happened to her?" I blurted out, grabbing Mark's shoulder and shoving him back against the doorway so he couldn't try to escape without giving me any answers.

"A man named Matthew Taylor broke into her house on Saturday night." He started.

"Saturday night?" I interrupted. "She's been in here since Saturday night and I'm just now hearing about it? What the fuck? She's– she's my girlfriend! The mother of my son! Why am I just now hearing about this?"

"Her paperwork doesn't list a next of kin," he frowned. "Amelia, I think you know her, she was the one who suggested that I bail you out and bring you in. She said that April would want that."

"Jesus fucking Christ…" I swore, stepping back and running both my hands over my face and interlocking my fingers behind my head. "How did this happen?"

"We haven't been able to get all of the details. Matthew was found DOA. They think she fought him for the gun and managed to shoot him. It weakened him enough that he wasn't able to suffocate her. Alex is still in critical condition in the ICU. She had surgery yesterday to repair her gunshot wound and they ended up having to take out one of her kidneys, but the other kidney function has been looking good so far, so she's probably going to be fine." More details were dropped as if they were nothing. As this was all the goddamn weather to him.

Wait. "Alex? Alex was there?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Probably the reason that she's alive in the first place. He was stabbed in the lung and lost a lot of blood. He's not stable just yet. Izzie's been watching him."

"I can't fuckin' believe…" I shook my head. "When's she gonna wake up?"

"She's just asleep right now. It's not sedation." Mark replied. "You can wake her up if you want."

"Thank fuck," I breathed out. "Can you give us a minute or something? I need to talk to her in private." Even if he was a friend of April, that didn't mean he could be trusted with overhearing everything that we needed to talk about. No one could be trusted right now.

He nodded his head. "Sure."

Waiting until he had gotten a little bit of distance between himself and the room, I walked into April's room and slid the door shut behind me. She didn't stir or wake up immediately. I'd never seen her this pale before. Every freckle on her exposed arms and her cheeks seemed darker than they had ever been before. She looked so small.

I dragged the empty chair in her room closer to her bed, sitting down and letting out a heavy sigh. The beeping on the monitor picked up slightly and she stirred from the noise but her eyes don't flutter open. For a moment, I felt like I should let her rest. She'd been through hell and I was only just now finding out about it. Did Agent Pierce know about it? Did Mom know about it? Why had no one come to me sooner with what was going on? I sighed, blinking back the tears beginning to burn in my lower lid. Not in front of her.

"Hey, Princess." Both hands wrapped around her tiny one and I brought it up to my lips, kissing the back of her knuckles gently. There was an IV in her arm I was careful to not hit.

April groaned and stirred slightly. A few seconds passed before her eyes opened up, blinking a few times. "Jackson?"

"Hey," I squeezed her hand tighter. "Yeah, it's me."

"Wh…" She started to question something before wetting her lips. Her head tilted toward the pitcher of water and an empty plastic cup on the stand. "Water, please."

Letting go of her hand with a nod, I poured her half a glass of water and held it up to her lips. She used one hand to guide it into her mouth and drink but I don't let go of it, just in case. Once she was finished, I set it back down.

"Are you okay?" I finally mustered up the courage to ask, immediately regretting it. What a stupid question.

"Yeah," she answered despite my immediate regret. "Just… sore."

"I should have been there." I shook my head. "I would've never let this happen to you. I swear to god – if he wasn't already dead, then I would kill that piece of shit myself. He doesn't deserve to live. Thank fuck he's dead."

"I killed someone," April's eyes widened in shock. "Oh… oh my god." Her heartbeat began to pick up on the monitor. "I can't believe I actually killed someone."

"Hey, hey, calm down." I scooted closer to her. "It's fine. He deserved it. You did the right thing."

She didn't seem to believe my words, shaking her head.

"I promise, I would've done the exact same thing. Hell, I probably would have beat the shit out of him, killed him, then beat the shit out of him some more, especially seeing what he did to you now. That's not right," I shook my head. "Can't believe he'd come after you like that. What a piece of shit."

"Wh… what happened to Alex? He–he tied." She muttered, looking at me.

"Doc said that he's in ICU," I sighed. "But he's a fighter. He'll pull out of this just like he does everything else. I promise."

"This is all my fault." Tears began to form in her eyes. "This is my fault…"

"Hey, don't do that," I shook my head and moved toward her. My lips pressed into her forehead and I lingered there for a long moment. "This isn't your fault. No one but that asshole's and he got what he deserved. All you did is set some wrongs right again."

For a few long moments, she doesn't say anything. I'm not sure if it hurt her, but she doesn't complain as I wrap my arms around her shoulders and held her against me the best that I can. She's cold. It's unusual given that she normally radiated warmth. I try to give her some of mine for once. I could afford to share and she had done more than enough of it. I breathed her in deep, giving her a squeeze until I can feel her lose some of that tension and the beep of her heart rate slowed down again on the monitor.

"Mark bailed me out," I murmured and barely separated from her. I sat down on the chair again, one hand holding hers and the other resting gently on her upper arm. "Thanks for that."

"I'm sorry that I wasn't there," she mumbled.

"Don't apologize for a thing." I frowned. "You didn't do anything wrong, okay? You've got to get that inside of your head. There's no reason for you to feel bad. Other than the fact that you got shot."

"Okay." April gave a slight nod, biting on her lower lip. "Okay."

"Do you mind if I go check on Alex? I'll be right back," I questioned, raising my brow.

"Sure," she agreed as she breathed out. "But uh, a favor. Two favors. I have a cardigan in my office – it's black and it should be hanging up on one of the hooks behind the door. Could you get it for me?" I nodded my head. "Okay. And… I need to talk to Agent Pierce about what happened. Matthew… he confessed. He put the drugs in your house to get you arrested."

Oh, that bastard. Of course he did.

"I'll get her here. I promise." At least that saved the problem of figuring out how to avoid the charges coming back to bite me in the ass. The case wouldn't go to trial if it could be proved that he had put it there. Since he was dead, he wasn't around to defend himself. Good for me. "I love you," I reminded her.

"I love you too."

Giving her one last lingering look and another kiss on her forehead, I headed out of her room and toward the nurse's station to get Alex's room number. He was down a floor in the ICU. The floor is quieter than April's had been. I eyed the room numbers and the few patients that I did see. None of them were conscious. Shit. This was just like visiting his dad. Barely any damn life. Walking down the hallway was uneasy even when I finally reached his room.

Izzie was in the room already. She was sitting in the chair that I had been in while in April's room. She looked up when she saw me in the doorway and offered a weak smile.

"How's he doing?" I asked.

"It's a fifty-fifty chance at this point," she sighed out and wiped away a tear. "Hard to say more."

"Shit," I ran my hand over my face. "This happened 'cause he was protecting April. I'm the one who should have been there in the first place, not him." Now I was starting to sound like April.

"We'll see how the next few days go…" Izzie frowned. "But I"m guessing all of you guys are going to be in and out of the hospital while he's here. You all got bailed out, right? Mark said that he was going to get you out. I figured the rest of you would, too… it was a miracle he wasn't behind bars in the first place." A miracle for April.

"I'm not sure what's going on with everyone." There was no point getting into the details with her. I wanted to tell Alex on my own time. I didn't want him to get hurt. It was too late for that now. He looked dead lying there. Fuck. "Maybe."

"I'm going to stay with him," she murmured. "I know that we broke up, but… I need to be here."

"Yeah, it's good." Fuck, if he died… I didn't know what the hell I was going to do. His dad had just died. If he did, too… whatever connection I had left to the club was really and truly gone. It would have made what I had to do easier, but I couldn't just accept that. It would be my fault if he died. Maybe I could let go of the club but I couldn't let go of my best friend. He'd been by my side through absolutely everything. He'd saved April's life. Losing him was burning down the house.

I stared at the slow and steady beeping on the monitor for a few seconds longer before taking a step back out of the room. There was nothing that I could say to Izzie. She probably already knew that he was in this condition because he had been protecting Alex. If Mark knew, then all of her friends probably did. Maybe the police.

At least this was keeping me out of going back to prison for a little while longer.

Taking the elevator up to the fifth floor of the hospital, the walk to her office is a familiar one. No one tries to stop me from entering it. I wondered if anyone was even paying attention. It's weird to be in it without her. Her degrees were on the wall, soothing artwork of plants in hues of green and blue. Grabbing the black cardigan off of the hook as she had requested, I got the laptop off of her desk, too. I knew her. She would be bored sitting around in the hospital. She would want something to do. With my hands full, I went back down to her floor.

April gets settled in more comfortably, and I stay by her side. A text message is sent to Agent Pierce and she promised to come first thing in the morning and get a formal statement from her, as well as post an officer outside of her room just in case something else happened.

A week is spent in the hospital. April gets an infection on the second day of post-op. So does Alex. She gets better. Alex doesn't. By the end of the week, the decision was made to take him off the ventilator.

Another goddamn funeral.

Agent Pierce follows through with taking her statement about what had happened when Matthew broke into her house. She was the only one left with a story to told and it was accepted as the truth – he broke in and attacked her, confessed that he had put the drugs in my house to get me out of the way. His fingerprints on the drugs found confirmed her story. The charges against me are dropped quietly, not wanting to draw the club's attention to it.

Mom spent more time taking care of Kieran than either one of us would have liked. Amelia and Mark both take a couple of shifts with him. I go home to him at the end of the day every day and do what I can, but I can't leave April alone in the hospital. I can't bring myself to. Mom wouldn't hurt my son, I knew that much. But I couldn't make the same guarantee that she wouldn't do something to April. She was already weak and vulnerable. Just because there was an officer outside of her room didn't mean that it would be impossible to do something. We had more cops on the payroll than I wanted to think about.

"Thanks for watching him, Mom." I took him from her a bit possessively, taking a deep breath as he settled into my arms. Once April was recovered fully, we could start looking at the next steps.

"Mmhm," she hummed. "It seems like April has brought nothing but trouble into your life."

"That's not true," I defended quickly.

"It isn't?" Her eyebrows shot up. "God knows what could have happened to that child with her giving birth so early. The club's been busted, she got herself hurt with that ex and now, she got Alex killed."

"None of that is her fault." I shook my head. "You should know that."

"You've changed since she's been around." Mom gave me a pointed look.

"Yeah. I've become a father. I'm thinking about a lot more than just myself and the club now," I sighed in exasperation. "I'm starting to look at the big picture. Maybe it's something that I should have done a long time ago."

"Like when your father was alive?" So she did know.

"Yeah, maybe."

The bitter argument is left there and it was a relief to be able to close the door on her and not have to worry about anything other than April and Kieran. It wasn't a conversation that I needed to share with her – not immediately, at least. She needed to focus on getting better. I wanted to give her the illusion that everything else going on in our lives was fine. She needed to stay relaxed. Her doctors had said so.

She had been instructed with taking it was and not picking up anything heavier than Kieran over the course of the next week or so while her incision from the surgery healed. She wasn't allowed to have a high protein diet. Handling that would be easier than getting her to take easy.

Especially given that Kieran doesn't sleep through the night yet.

Given the pain medication and cocktail of drugs that she had been on after getting shot, Kieran had taken to the bottle while she had been recovering in the hospital. He had taken it without a problem. The problem came when she tried to get him to be willing to feed directly from her again – he refused to take her nipple. I'd held her while she cried for at least half an hour after getting him to go down for a nap, full from the formula. She'd taken up pumping after that, not wanting to go through the heartbreak of getting him to try and fail over and over again. It was the best for everyone. She could sleep through the night mostly interrupted, and he'd still get all the benefits that those natural moms raved on and on about.

The bed stirred as she moved, waking me. I can see her sit up in my peripheral. At first, I don't say anything, trying to figure out if she was just being restless. Once she stood up, I spoke. "Babe?"

"Go back to sleep," she murmured.

"What are you doing?" I questioned.

"I just want to hold Kieran." The heartbreak cracked her voice. "I haven't been able to fall back asleep since the last time you fed him and put him back down."

"You're supposed to be resting," I reminded her and sat up. "Remember? Your doc said. You've got to give your body some time to heal up."

"I'm not going to be able to fall asleep if I'm just laying here," she sighed. "I can't. I tried."

I patted her spot in the bed. "C'mere."

"Why?"

"Just come here."

Sighing, April turned fully back toward me and plopped down on the bed again. She laid flat on her back. I scooted up next to her and wrapped one arm around her waist gently, careful to go low on her hips so that I don't put any pressure where the bandage still is. Pulling her against me, she turned on her side so that her back was pressed against the front of my best. Placing a kiss on the back of her shoulder, I held her tight against my front side. She stayed tense for a few moments before she finally began to loosen up.

"I wasn't breastfed and I turned out just fine," I murmured. "He's going to be fine. You know why? 'Cause he still has you. Doesn't matter if it's coming from a bottle or formula or whatever. He's got you. That automatically makes him the luckiest kid alive."

"I'm worried about more than just him," she admitted, her voice barely more than a peep in the night.

"What are you talking about?" I nuzzled the back of her neck.

"I don't feel safe here anymore." Her words hung in the air for a long moment.

"Matthew's not coming back," I reminded her. "He might be an asshole but he's not coming back from the dead, April. He's rotting away in Hell. I know that you believe that even more than I do." I began to rub her arm gently.

"It's more than that," she shook her head slightly as she spoke. "I mean… yeah, that's a part of it, even if he is dead. I know you moved that carpet to cover the bloodstain in the nursery. But that doesn't change what happened here. But then there's your mom and Dick and all of the ATF stuff. Alex was the only other person in the club I would have remotely considered trusting and now he's dead because of me."

"His death isn't your fault." Something that we both needed to believe. "We can move into my place if you want. Sell this one. Might be a couple of stains just 'cause I'm not as clean as you are but I can promise that none of them are from blood."

"It's bigger than that," she sighed. "I want to get out of Eureka. Away from this town."

"And go where?" I asked.

"Anywhere," April answered simply. "Anywhere that isn't here. I'll support us. I don't care about the money, Jackson, I really don't. As long as we're somewhere safe. That's what matters to me."

"We'll be safe here once the club is taken care of." Eureka was my home. All of my childhood had been here, almost all of the memories with my father, with Alex and his father, they were all right here. I'd never lived anywhere else. I knew everyone and everything there was to know about the town. It was impossible to imagine myself living anywhere else. "Sure they're all on bail out now, sure, but once the trial comes and they're all put away, you'll be safe."

"And what if they find out that you made a deal before that can happen? It'll be weeks or months before the actual trial. That's a long time for them to figure out that it was you." She pleaded. "Catherine already knows. It's only a matter of time before everyone else does."

"If she hasn't told anyone yet, that means that she's already got some kind of plan in place." It was only a matter of figuring out what. I knew her well and yet she was still almost impossible to predict.

She sighed. "I still think that we should just go. Get out of here."

"That's only going to make it obvious that it was me," I explained. "And trust me, they'll come after me before they get put away for anything. They will. They've got the money and the resources to find us as long as they're out of prison."

"So what are we supposed to do? We can't run and we can't stay here."

"I don't know."

It hurt to give her an answer like that. I wanted to have all of the answers for her and know what the next steps were after this, but without any kind of protection from ATF, we were being hung out to dry. It was hard to know if that was the US Attorney's intention or not. Sure felt that way. There was no way that they wouldn't be able to predict something like this happening. There was a reason that Witness Protection existed. It just seemed like they didn't care about a guy like me, even if I had a family to worry about. I was disposable now that they had my information.

I didn't know what the right thing to do was. My last real string to the club was gone. Digging the knife in deeper might have offered some safety for April and Kieran, but that wasn't a given. It might have just been getting myself into more trouble. Maybe she was right – maybe the only sane solution was trying to get out of town.

But ignoring the club wasn't the solution. It was only going to get me into more trouble. I had to act like things were still normal if I wanted any chance of getting through all of this.

A meeting to the table was called. Even though it was the last place I wanted to be, I have to go. Ignoring it would have been way too suspicious and although April was still recovering from her injury, there was an expectation for me to show up when a meeting was called. There was no doubt in my mind what it was about. Technically one of the conditions of release was not affiliating with gang activity, but that was going to be ignored by everyone. They were going to try and figure out what had gone wrong in the system and how the ATF had managed to get enough evidence to get a warrant to raid the clubhouse. If Dick knew, then this would be when he voiced it. This would be it.

So I write a letter that I hope April will never have to read.

 _Dear April,_

 _If you're reading this, then I'm dead. I'm so sorry. All I wanted was to have a life with you and Kieran, something away from the life that I grew up in. Something better. Even if I'm gone now, I know that Kieran will have that because of you. I know that you can do this on your own and that you're going to be an amazing mother. I love you like I've never loved anyone else. You're it for me. You're worth dying for. So is Kieran. I love you._

 _Forever yours, Jackson_

Folding the letter and sealed it, I placed it underneath my pillow. If I didn't come back, then she would find it. And if I did, then I would be able to get rid of it before she had to see it and realize just how worried I was in the first place.

"I'll be back tonight." I kissed her on the cheek, then Kieran on the forehead. "Do you want me to bring home some dinner?"

"Yeah, whatever you want," she nodded. "See you later."

I hoped I would.

Starting up my bike, the humble growl of the engine doesn't give me the same peace that it used to. I drive slowly to the clubhouse but even then, it still doesn't take me long to get there. Everyone's bikes were already parked around. They must have been waiting for me. It's not enough to make me move any faster. All I wanted to do was turn around and go home to my wife, figure out things with her about how we were going to go forward.

Everyone was already in the back room of the clubhouse and gathered, just as I expected. A few nods and greetings are given and I can only manage to return them with a nod of my head as I moved to sit down in the chair next to Dick. Mumblings occurred for a few moments longer before it quieted down.

"Alright, alright, everyone shut it," Dick started up. "We got business to take care of, boys."

"No kidding," Deluca grumbled.

"What was all that ATF shit all about?" Owen spoke next. "Law enforcement hasn't been on our tails in years and certainly not with enough to be able to pull off a raid like that." He'd been around the club long enough to know.

"Somebody has inside info about what was going on," Dick looked around the table as he took a long pause. "They have all kinds of proof about the case that we've been working. Photos and shit, paper trail with the money, everything that they need to take this case down. I've been checking in with some of the guys that we've got inside of prison to see if anyone's flipped, but it looks like we've got a rat."

A long silence followed his words. No one wanted to be a rat and no one wanted to be accused of being one, either. That was nearly as bad. But if it wasn't one of us, then it was an old lady who spilled. I couldn't imagine anything messier than that. I had to make sure the heat stayed off April. I stayed silent.

"You think that someone on the inside is responsible?" Owen asked. My hand tightened into a fist underneath the table. "Who would flip like that?"

"No idea yet." My jaw clenched as Dick spoke. "But we're going to get to the bottom of this."

"Do we know when the evidence is from?" One of the other men at the table questioned.

"What about the next shipment we've got coming? Are we going to be able to keep up with it?" Deluca asked. "My cousins aren't going to like it if we're not able to keep up with our end of the deal." Shit. I hadn't even thought about how this was going to affect the mafia. Surely they had more than enough options to keep things moving. One more group of people that April and I would have to hide from.

"We need to lay low and make sure that they don't get any more evidence packed against us," Dick answered. "That means there's going to be no more guns right now. Money's going to be tight. No drugs, either. We need to keep our heads down low going forward."

"And find the son of a bitch who did this!"

Chimes of agreement came from other members sitting around the table and I leaned back in my chair, palms pressing flat against the tops of my thighs. I have to chime in just a little to keep up appearances but I had to hope that no one was paying enough attention to notice that I wasn't selling it. I just didn't have it in me.

"Alright, that's all," Dick spoke again. "Now get your asses out of here."

Perhaps the only words spoken that would give me any kind of relief.

Standing up from my place immediately, I shoved the chair back in and headed toward the door. I wanted to get out of there before anyone would get in a word in with me. I almost get a chance, getting out of the tiny room and out to the front of the garage before I'm stopped by my mother.

"Hey, I wasn't sure if you were going to make it with April," she spoke to me, her head tilting as she looked me over. "You guys got any leads on who you think the rat is?"

"No," I breathed out uneasily. "Just stuff about keeping the illegal activity down. That's all."

"Hmm," Mom hummed. "How is April?"

"She's fine," I answered shortly. "Healing up just like she should be. She and Kieran are both good." And they would continue to stay good so long as Mom stayed far, far away from both of them.

"Good. At least someone is." There's an edge to her comment that hooks into me, sinking deep. "Alex is missed around here. It's too bad."

My jaw clenched and I took a deep breath. "You're not the only one. He was like a brother to me."

"This entire club is your family." She tried to remind me. I knew what she was doing. She wanted me to go back on the deal that I had made with ATF, but it was too late for that to work – even if I had wanted it to. Mom was taking the knife and twisting it as far and as deep as she knew how. I took a deep breath through my nose, jaw set. I couldn't let her get to me.

The club had done me good, but it had done me some harm, too. I'd never gone to college because of it. I'd barely managed to finish high school because I had been so obsessed with all of it. I'd gotten my ass kicked more times than I could count or remember, had a close call with drugs before that probably could have ended my life if there hadn't been Narcan available. Getting my ass kicked in jail hadn't been pretty either, and I had some of the ugly scars on my back to prove it. It'd taken my father from me. He had lived and died on the bike, literally. The crash had left him mangled beyond recognition. Not everything had been pretty and perfect as my mother might have wanted to paint it.

"I'm taking care of my family." That was the only thing that I could say.

Heading home, I can't help but keep an eye out. Glancing over my shoulder that frequently isn't good, but I can't help it. Something still doesn't feel right. Mom knew. Why didn't she say anything about it to Dick?

I nearly forget to pick up dinner on the way home, swinging by the store and picking up a roasted chicken and remade mashed potatoes. Not my best, but I wasn't half as hungry as I should have been. We really couldn't stay here much longer. It didn't matter if there were weeks or months left until the trial. April was right. We had to get out of Eureka – the sooner, the better.

"Hey!" April called out as I walked in the front door. I set down the food on the counter and shrugged off my jacket, tossing it onto the back of the couch.

"Hey," I answered.

"How was the meeting?" She questioned as she appeared with our son in her arms, brows raised. "How are you? Or– we? I mean, we're still good with the whole keeping a cover, right?"

"It seems like Dick doesn't know." I took Kieran from her as she passed by to begin unpacking the food. "I mean, that or he's putting on a really good face. Mom definitely knows, but… he and the rest of the club don't. So we're good on the front for a little while longer. They're going to want revenge the minute that they find out but I'm hoping that doesn't happen until they're behind bars."

Making a face at Kieran, I lifted him up and blew a raspberry on his stomach. He squealed with laughter, a real smile embracing his features. He looked like me most of the time, but when he smiled, he looked like April. And maybe with just a hint of my father there, too.

"We can keep it up," April offered a reassuring smile as she got down plates. "We will."

"I hope you're right." I kissed Kieran on the head, putting him in his high chair so that he could sit with us. "How do you feel? The scar?" I circled around my abdomen, pointing to where her injury would have been on me.

"Healing. No signs of anymore infection as of my last bandage change." She answered. "And I got the paint out. Painted over the bloodstains left on the wall. Even if we can't leave this place yet, it… felt good to be able to cover that up and not have to look at it anymore."

"About that…" I took a deep breath. "I think you're right. I think we do need to get out of here. Soon."


	10. Chapter 10

**_APRIL_**

Just over a month was left on my maternity leave by the time that I feel recovered from getting shot. I'd never thought that this would be my life, my boyfriend and the father of my child in a motorcycle club and getting shot in the stomach, yet that was exactly where I was. I ended up taking an extra month, not ready to go back as quickly as I thought I would be.

But it wasn't where I wanted to be. I wanted to be with Jackson and I was so grateful to have Kieran in my life, growing bigger and bigger every day, catching up with the growth curve despite the rough start that he had gotten off to with coming in the world so soon. I loved them both dearly. But it was everything else. Neither one of us should have been in Eureka this long. The trial was still pending, pushed back another month after some kind of unforeseen complication. Jackson and I both didn't know what, but the club was happy about it. The longer this went on, the more uncomfortable I became staying here.

On my first day back, by the time it was my lunch time, I don't even have it in me to get up and go down to the cafeteria. The first thing I do is pump and relieve the tension in my breasts. Then I lay down my head on my desk, and I'm out.

A loud knock on the door followed by two people barging into my office awakened me.

"Kepner!" Mark's voice boomed out, jolting me entirely.

Inhaling deeply as I pushed myself to straighten up, I forced up the corner of my mouth to give some resemblance of a smile. "Hey, Mark. Izzie…" A yawn interrupted me.

"You look exhausted," Izzie murmured. "Are you sure you're ready to be back at work? There's no shame in taking more time off of work."

"Yeah," I nodded and leaned back in my chair. "What are you guys doing up here?"

"Well, we figured when you didn't pop down for lunch and you weren't down in daycare, you were probably moping in your office." She explained before Mark chimed in.

"Didn't figure that moping was going to be actually sleeping, though," he said. "And Amelia's in surgery before you ask." That was one question answered.

"I'm fine." I pushed my hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ears. "Just adjusting."

"You know that if you need any help with Kieran, you can always ask." Izzie chimed in. "He's such a sweet boy, and he's getting so big now. I can't believe that he's four months old now."

I shook my head. "It's not that," I breathed out. "I mean, if I didn't mind having him in daycare, Jackson could take care of him during the day. That wouldn't be a problem. He's… well, it's complicated." When wasn't it? "But we're working on things. Trying to find a change. We're actually looking into moving but he's being a little stubborn about me being the breadwinner."

"I'm sure that I can help him find a good job, if he needs it," Mark offered.

"He's stubborn." I chewed the inside of my cheek. "I don't know if he'll take help. He doesn't need it, I don't think. It's just… a lot of other stuff that's got him distracted. Club stuff."

"I remember that," Izzie murmured. "Seems like it never gets any easier."

"It doesn't." I breathed out, guilt turning me cold as I looked up at her. "I'm sorry… about him." I hadn't been able to go to the funeral. I'd still been in the hospital. "I'm so, so sorry."

"You don't need to apologize," she shook her head. "But thank you."

"I think I'm going to go check on Kieran," I murmured. "But thanks for stopping by."

"Let us know if you need anything," Mark said, dropping down his head to look at me seriously. "I mean it. This isn't stuff you have to handle yourself. Pretty sure Amelia would twist my arm if I didn't tell you that," he chuckled, instantly lightening the mood just a bit like he always did.

The two of them slip out of my office with polite smiles and the reminder of that I wasn't alone. The stairwell is quiet and avoids most of the people who would want to talk and chatter about the baby, so I take it down to the first floor of the hospital to see Kieran. He was asleep and he doesn't wake up when I lift him into my arms, sitting there and just holding him for as long as I can before my next appointment.

The remainder of the day dragged on. There was nothing that I loved more than my job, more than helping people and making a meaningful difference in their life, but I'm elsewhere. Updating prescriptions was one thing that doesn't take much thought. I was grateful for that.

By the time the last of my appointments was taken care of, I don't linger in my office as I had during lunch. There's no jacket to grab in the middle of the heatwave that was currently rolling through California, the first of the season now that it was June. Kieran's first summer. In another, more peaceful life, I would have been happy to take him to the beach, some kind of fair on a pier, and embrace all of the little cliche things that came with it. Of course, none of that had happened. Going to more than the park scared me. Jackson was having to pretend to be in the same situation as the other club members, which meant he wasn't doing any traveling out of Eureka. We had to keep up appearances.

 _"Here comes the sun… here comes the sun, and I say, it's all right…"_

No radio on, instead, I sing quietly to Kieran as we drive home. He's not a fan of car rides because of the inevitable noise that comes with trying to get anywhere in the town. He was either dead silent or screaming his lungs out the entire time in the car. Fortunately, today, he was quiet.

Kieran doesn't wake as I park in the garage and pull him out of the backseat, carrying him inside. Jackson's bike was already parked on the stretch of concrete outside of the garage.

"Hey," I called out as I came in. I pulled Kieran out of the car seat and set him in his pack and play.

No response was returned. Sighing, I bent down and placed a kiss no Kieran's forehead. He stirs but doesn't wake entirely and I leave him there for a minute to find Jackson. Pushing open the bedroom door, he was stretched out across the duvet with his shoes on, snoring loudly.

"Seriously?" I blurted out, voice jumping up an octave. "I'm working all day and this is what you're doing. Wow." I pushed the door back so it hit the wall loudly, waking him. "Unbelievable."

Stirring occurred behind me but I don't turn around. "April, wait up!" Jackson pleaded out to me as I stormed back toward the living room. I didn't know what it was but coming home to him just out and snoring like that, not doing a damn thing to try and change our lives, set off something inside of me. We were supposed to be trying to get out of here. He was supposed to be making sure that it would be safe for us to be doing that. But he wasn't doing anything.

"I work my ass off all day to keep a roof over our head and make sure that we have enough saved up to eat, I get him in daycare so you can do what you need to do, and what are you doing? Absolutely nothing." Words blurt out of my lips without thinking.

"Oh, come on April," he breathed out, running a hand over the back of his head. "It's not like that."

"Oh, it's not?" I questioned, whipping around to face him. "Because it sure looks like it."

"I've been at the clubhouse all morning. I just got back – what, half an hour ago? Wanted to lay down just for a few minutes before you got home from work so I'd be all in when you did get home." He attempted to justify himself.

"Must be nice to get to do that." I folded my arms in front of my ribcage. "Considering that I don't. So what were you doing at the clubhouse all morning that made you so exhausted? Did you finally make sure that we're going to be able to get out of this place without worry? Considering that was something that we talked about doing three months ago and here we are, still in the exact same place as before."

Jackson sighed loudly. "You know that I don't want to stay here."

"Do I?" My eyebrows shot up. "Because you didn't always feel that way. Maybe you just told me that you wanted to leave to appease me but you actually don't want to. This is your hometown. I get it. But this shouldn't be the place where you want to raise your son."

"And I don't!" His voice raised. "Why can't you just trust me about that, April? Why is it so hard for you to just trust me and believe that I'm doing what I say that I'm doing?"

"Because there's nothing here to make me believe you!" I shouted.

"What about me?" He placed his hand on chest. "You love me. And I love you. Why can't you just believe me because of that? What happened to that? Trust is supposed to be a part of love but it seems pretty clear that I'm the only one here with any."

"You think I don't want to?" I sighed, placing both hands on my face and rubbing it. "You think I wouldn't still be here if I didn't want to? Of course I do."

"Then what is it?" He questioned.

"I don't want to be here in anymore!" My hands flew out one exasperation before falling down by my sides. "He was a month old when we talked about getting out of here, and now he's four months old. Come on, Jackson. Nothing has changed. We keep talking about it but nothing has actually happened. How am I supposed to be happy with that? How am I supposed to be content with the fact that they might kill you at any moment? I thought I'd already made it clear that I don't want to lose you."

He fell quiet for a long moment, collapsing down onto the sofa and leaning forward to hold his head between his hands. "I don't know, April." He shook his head. "I don't know. I don't have a death wish but this shit is harder than I thought it was going to be."

No words come to mind and I stand there silently for what felt like an impossibly long moment, folding my arms in front of my ribcage again. I looked around the living room before my eyes rested Kieran. Despite all of the screaming that had gone back and forth between Jackson and me, he had slept right through it like nothing had happened. He was completely oblivious to the two of us fighting. Slowly, I set down on the arm of the couch.

"He slept right through that as if nothing happened," I observed quietly. "He sleeps through everything."

"Yeah, he does." Jackson reached over and took my hand, squeezing it firmly.

"I don't want to fight," I breathed out as I blinked back my tears.

"I don't want to either," he gave a shake of his head. "I promise that I'm going to do better. I'm going to work harder to make sure that we get out of here. I promise, baby."

Of course, hard work doesn't always pay off.

I thought that was a lesson that I had learned in college when I had struggled my way through the second semester of organic chemistry only to barely manage to get a B. It seemed like the universe was set to remind me of that again, when on Kieran's six month birthday, the two of us were still in Eureka and nothing had changed.

August sun streamed in through the open blinds in my bedroom, the sheets off our bed kicked off to try and fight back some of the more brutal summer heat. The fan was running noisily in the corner of the bedroom to try and make up for what the AC didn't handle. Despite the buzzing, the house still felt quiet. The moments before Kieran wailing always were. Sometimes he slept through the night, sometimes he didn't. Last night, fortunately, he had. But it just meant when he did wake up this morning, he would be even more demanding for attention.

Rolling over toward Jackson, I pressed a kiss into his shoulder. He stirred slightly, rolling from his back to his side and an arm slipping around my weight. I'm small against him again. It seemed like all the baby weight had finally disappeared even if my hips are still a little wider.

His fingers trailed up and down my side. "Mornin', Princess," he murmured.

"Good morning, Daddy." I smiled, eyes barely wider than slits as I looked at him. He stared back at me for a moment before rolling over fully, hovering over me.

"You don't have work today," Jackson commented before dropping down a kiss just below my earlobe. His mouth moved along my jaw before he began to place a few open-mouthed kisses on my neck and I tilted up my chin, a breathy sigh escaping as my back arched off the bed just a little.

"No, I don't," I replied.

"Seems like a good day for the two of us to just stay and bed and do nothing." His tongue lightly traced along the triangle around the hollow of my neck and I shuddered.

"Mmm…" I breathed out, hand finding the back of his head. "We have that thing with your mom. She wants to do a little celebration for Kieran, remember?"

"I'm thinking about eating you out and you're thinking about my mom." His words made me burst out with laughter.

Between giggles, I barely managed to speak. "Sorry, babe."

"Think we can manage a quickie in the shower before Kieran wakes up for the day?" Jackson pulled up just a little to look at me, both his brows raised up.

"It's worth trying."

Kieran wakes up about twenty minutes later when my hair was lathered up with shampoo, and Jackson gets out to take care of his morning routine. I would need all of the patience that I could get in order to get through half of a day with his mother. Hopefully, Catherine would be too occupied with the baby to worry much about Jackson or me. I was bringing my laptop with me and hoping that I could get a little work done.

Of course, Catherine didn't separate anything from the club in the way that I would have wanted her to. The little party that she wanted to throw for him wasn't at her house. It was at the clubhouse. The last place on Earth that I wanted my son to be.

It was perhaps the most PG party I had ever seen occurring in the clubhouse given that no one's privates were on display and there was no moaning, as far as I could hear. There was still beer and other forms of alcohol strewn about, but I figured that was something that never actually went away. At least, I had never been here and not seen it out. Kieran wasn't doing anymore more than bottles of breastmilk and occasional formula so it wasn't something that I had to worry about yet. But had he been ten? Twelve? I couldn't imagine the kind of stress that would have put on me. I knew that these guys weren't exactly worried about the twenty-one clause in the law.

"How long do we have to stay here?" I murmured to Jackson, looking up at him.

"At least an hour to keep her happy," he replied, kissing my forehead sweetly.

"I'm going to set up shop over there." I tilted my head toward the corner, putting a fat kiss on Kieran's cheeks before he could be handed over to his grandmother.

"You need anything to drink?" He asked.

"Not yet."

Watching as he moved toward his mother to hand off our son and hopefully keep her appeased for a little while longer, I settled into one of the back tables and pulled out my laptop. I had a few things for work that I needed to update, and I had been job hunting. It was unrealistic to expect to be the head of psychiatry at a big hospital anywhere – I had gotten that job here only because of the size of Eureka and a little bit of luck. I just wanted a position somewhere good. Getting rid of the administrative aspects of my job would be fine if it was away from here.

Without a location filter, there were dozens and dozens of job openings to look through. Seattle. Dallas. Denver. Tampa. Boston. It went on and on. I wanted somewhere that would have a real winter, though. I wanted that for hopefully his first winter. That eliminated at least options in the southern half of the country.

Hunched forward and keeping my head down, searching through job openings and real estate availability in the area does make me feel a little better. We would not be here forever.

"What are you working on?"

Just the person I didn't want to hear from. A smile was forced across my features as I straightened up and shut my laptop, resting both of my forearms on top of it. I could handle Catherine for a few minutes. Then maybe I could break into one of those beers.

"Just some work stuff." Hardly that. "Patient notes, mostly. Private stuff."

"You should be enjoying the party, dear," Catherine murmured. "I can tell you from experience these days go by too quickly. You best cling onto every moment you can instead of looking at that laptop of yours."

It was like she knew exactly what to say to get under my skin.

"Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom." Anything to get away from her.

Nearly rushing to the bathroom to get away from her and leaving everything behind, all I do is stand in front of the mirror for a minute before washing my hands and smoothing out my hair. We'd been here a while. Hopefully, Jackson would say that it was fine to leave soon. For the meantime, I would take one of the beers laying around. I hadn't had a real drink since the night that I had met Jackson. Now didn't seem like a bad time for that to change.

Grabbing a beer, I surrounded myself with Owen and Deluca. The two of them chat with each other enough that I don't have to actually say or do anything other than sip and drink from my beer. Part of me wanted to listen. But Jackson and I had agreed, handling the club was his business.

Fortunately, we don't have to stay much longer. Kieran screams in the car ride home and I can't help but feel as if that was somehow Catherine's influence, just one more way of getting underneath my skin as if the entire ordeal and having to have Kieran in the clubhouse and surrounded by the rest of the MC wasn't enough. Sure, all of the guys were nice to him. Some of their comments were inappropriate but he was at an age where it didn't matter yet. I didn't have anything against any of them personally. It was just their whole business.

Another week passed, and Jackson swore to me that he was getting closer. If nothing else, when the trial came and the rest of the club was sentenced to time, we would be free.

Sitting at work by became difficult because I was no longer sure how much longer I would be here and working with these patients. Moving, as a psychiatrist, came with guilt. It meant referral after referral, trying to make sure that people continued to get the help that they need and weren't bogged down by the complications of the current healthcare system. But my family still came first.

"Hey, Dr. Kepner." One of the daycare workers, Erica, greeted me. "What are you doing down here?"

"Hi," I gave her a brief smile. "Just picking up Kieran, the usual. I know I'm a little early, my last appointment of the day canceled on me and Brooks is on the E.R." It was the first time I'd gotten to truly go home early in what felt like a long time. It was a nice change.

"Oh, that's great," Erica chirped. "But Kieran's not here."

My heart skipped a beat. "What?"

"Kieran's not here," she repeated himself. "I assumed you knew. His grandmother picked him up about an hour ago. She had the consent form signed with your signature on it."

 _Shit_. How had she gotten that?

"O–oh, yeah. Yeah, of course… it must have just slipped my mind." There was no reason to alarm her or anyone else at the hospital. The only person who needed to be alarmed about it was Jackson. "Thanks, Erica. I'll see you tomorrow." Turning quickly on my heel, I nearly broke out in a sprint to get to my car.

Clicking on Jackson's name on my phone quickly, my car engine doesn't appreciate the speed in which I backed out of my parking lot and quickly turned onto the main road. The line rang a moment before he answered it.

"Hey, Princess," he started. "What's going on?"

"Are you with your mom right now?" I questioned quickly. "Is Kieran with you?"

"No and no," he answered. "Why? What's going on?"

"I went to pick up Kieran from daycare today and he was gone. The lady said that Catherine had picked him up. She must have forged my signature on the consent form with the hospital because I did not sign off on her having the right to pick him up from daycare. I don't know how. I don't know where she is." Words spilled out of my lips quickly and my heart tightened, accelerating through a yellow light as I headed to her house.

"Shit," Jackson swore. "Okay. I'll call her and Dick, try to see what's going on. I'm gonna check the clubhouse to see if she's there. Where are you right now?"

"Driving to her house."

"Okay. Call me the minute that you know anything." The line went dead.

My phone only stayed quiet for a moment before it began ringing again, this time, calling Catherine. It rings a few times before it goes to voicemail. I hang up and try again, only for the exact same result.

"God dammit!" I threw the phone into the passenger seat. It takes a few more minutes before I finally get to Catherine and Dick's house. There's no bike in the driveway but the garage door was down. If she wasn't here and she wasn't at the clubhouse, I didn't know what the hell I was going to do next. Call the police? That would have been the logical next step but with the MC, I wasn't sure how any of it would work. They had strings in the police department. That meant Catherine had strings with the police department. We couldn't trust anyone else.

Running up to the door, my fist pounded against the front door. Impatiently, I ring the doorbell before I shout a few times to let her know that it was me there. It doesn't matter. There's no answer.

Jogging back to my car, I lean over to grab my phone and dial Catherine's number one more time. It's no luckier than it had been the first two times. I try Jackson's number again and it rings a couple of times before he answered his phone.

"Hey, got him?" He asked.

"No," I sobbed out. "I'm at her house and they're not here."

"They're not at the clubhouse either. Dick is, but he hasn't seen or heard from her in the past few hours," he spoke quickly. "None of the other guys have seen either one of them here."

"Fuck!" This couldn't be happening. "Okay, I'm going to head home and see if she took him there for some reason."

"Let me know." Hanging up the phone and sticking it in the cupholder, I pulled a U-turn in the middle of the street to turn around.

Our house wasn't that close to hers but driving fast enough could compensate for the miles between. Of course, there was no possible speed on other than directly teleporting to my house that would ease the pounding in my heart. I could feel my chest nearly shaking with each quick beat. If she wasn't here, then she could have been anywhere with our son.

Some relief finally comes.

Her Cadillac was parked on the street outside of my house as if today was a completely normal day for her, as if she didn't have a damn conscious. I park crookedly in the driveway and nearly barge into my own house like it was someone else's. They weren't in immediate view but I can hear Kieran laughing in the living room and it's just enough to make my heart slow down for a second. He sounded happy. Not hurt, just happy.

"Kieran!" I cried out.

My son was sitting on his grandmother's lap as if everything was completely normal, his head turned toward me to respond to his name when I walked into the living room. Catherine sat there smugly.

Doubling over at the waist as the panic hit me hard once more before beginning to subside, both hands were pressed onto the top of my thighs as I tried to remember how to breathe. In and out, in and out. It doesn't bring down my heart rate like I would hope it does, but it's enough to keep me from outright screaming and tearing her apart while she was holding onto my son. Losing my temper in front of him was a line that I didn't want to cross, no matter what buttons of mine she managed to push.

"You picked him up from daycare?" My voice does crack when I finally straighten up. "Without telling me? And you forged my signature to be able to do it? What were you thinking, Catherine?"

"He's my grandson, I have a right to be able to pick him up from daycare." She countered.

"No, obviously you don't, given that you had to forge my signature to be able to do so!" I shook my head. "I–I need to tell Jackson that you're both here so he doesn't tear apart the rest of the town because of this stunt that you decided to pull." Fumbling with my phone, I send him a quick text to tell him they were both at our house, safe and sound.

Catherine stood up, still holding on to Kieran."I think it's about time the two of us have an honest discussion, April. Not just about my grandson but about my son, too."

"What are you talking about?" I wanted nothing more than to step forward and rip him out of her arms.

"I know what the two of you are doing." She looked at Kieran as she spoke. "I know that Jackson is the one who turned and ratted on the club. And I'm sure that he did it because of you and those little journals from his father that Dick found in your nursery when we came over to give you the chair. You're lucky I threw off his suspicions for that. But you see, honey, that's not the only thing that I know. I know the two of you are trying to run away from Eureka and the club. And I think it's about time the two of you pull your heads out of your asses and realize that's not going to happen."

Even if I had already known she knew, hearing her say it chilled my blood.

"What do you want, Catherine?" I didn't know how she knew that the two of us were meeting. But if she had done all of this to get my attention, it was clear that she had some kind of end goal in mind.

"You, Jackson, and Kieran are all going to be staying in Eureka. You're not taking my son or grandson away from me. Isn't that right, sweetie?" Her voice rose as she spoke to Kieran before she turned to look at me. "If you try and leave Eureka, then I'm going to make sure that the entire club knows that both you and Jackson are responsible for that ATF ad the possible time behind bars that they might be facing. And they're not going to like that. I know you haven't been around long, but I'm sure you know that."

"You would be responsible for killing your own son?" My jaw was slack for a moment as I glared at her. How could she claim to care about him and threaten to kill him in the same breath?

"Oh, sweetheart," she chuckled and shook her head. "There's nothing I wouldn't do to get what I want. You're the problem more than he is. And it certainly wouldn't be the first time someone close to me had to be taken care of to get what I want."

Jackson's father. That was as good as a straightforward confession.

"Give me my son." My voice came out firmer than I expected it to be, a mama bear rearing up. "Give him to me now."

Stepping forward, Catherine passed Kieran over to me. But she didn't step away immediately as I wrapped my arms around my son and hold him close to me. "I mean what I say, April. You should know that. You are not going to step in between me and my family."

I could taste bile in my mouth as I shut my eyes for a moment, breathing in through my nose and pressing my lips on top of Kieran's head. He was fine. His grandmother was a complete psychopath, but my baby boy was fine despite that. I turned to watch Catherine as she walked past me toward the front door of the house.

"Catherine?" I spoke and she paused to turn toward me.

"What?"

"If you ever do something like this to Kieran, I will kill you. I will. I don't care who you are. Come between me and him again, and it'll be the last thing that you do." And I meant every word of it.

The front door slammed shut behind her and I nearly collapsed as I fell back onto the couch and held him tight against my front. Tears all from my face freely and I sobbed as I held onto him, rocking him back and forth. He gave a little protest as I held onto him a little too tightly and I let out a deep breath, loosening my grip on him. But I keep him on my lap, rubbing my hand up and down along his back. I couldn't even begin to wrap my head around what Catherine had done. But I would choke the life out of her if she did it again.

The signature smell of a stinky diaper is the only thing that gets me off the couch again, taking him back to his nursery and getting him changed into a new one. By the time that he was cleaned up and down for a nap, I can hear the front door open again. But I don't move from the nursery, sitting in the rocking chair and watching him.

Holding onto one of the stuffed elephants decorating the nursery, I can't even bring myself to look away when I catch Jackson in my peripherals as he entered the nursery. Taking my eyes off of Kieran felt like a crime.

"Is he okay?" Jackson asked.

"Yeah," I nodded. "I don't even think he realizes that something weird happened today. He's completely fine. Once he was in a clean diaper, he went down quickly."

"Good," he ran his hand over his face, stepping up to the crib and bending down. One hand reached down and gently rubbed Kieran's stomach. "Good. I'm glad that he's alright." I had to imagine this had scared the crap out of him the same way that it had me. "What about you? How are you?"

"I'm scared, Jackson," I admitted uneasily, looking up. "She… she threatened me. Us. Somehow she knows that we want to move. She said that if we did, she was going to expose you as a rat to the club and get you killed. Me too, probably."

"Shit!" He swore, his voice raising and pulling back from the crib sharply. "Un-fucking-believable."

"That's not the only thing, either." I sighed.

His brow furrowed as he looked at me. "What is it?"

"She killed your dad, Jackson. She basically told me."

"What?"

Unable to repeat myself, all I could muster up was a slight nod of my head. I didn't know all of the details behind how he had died other than it had been some kind of accident. Jackson had never told me about all of the other details with what had happened. But apparently, that didn't matter. What mattered was the fact that she had been the one to initiate whatever happened.

"April, what exactly did she say to you?" Jackson questioned, squatting down in front of me in the rocking chair. "Word for word. Tell me what she said to you."

"She was threatening me. And she said that it wouldn't be the first time someone close to her had to be taken care of to get what she wanted. How else do you interpret that? I mean, does she have a laundry list of people around her who have died in less than crystal clear ways?"

"Shit." His head dropped down, a hand covering his face.

"I'm so sorry, Jackson. I'm sure that this is the last thing that you want to hear on top of all of the other crap today." I leaned forward, placing my hand on his shoulder and giving it a squeeze. The material of his giant sweatshirt balled up in my hand. "But you deserve to know the truth."

"I could kill her," Jackson said, shaking his head.

There was silence between us for a few long seconds and I could feel tears burning in my eyes again. I looked up at the lights in the ceiling, blinking a few times to try and keep them from spilling over. I had to keep my head on tight for both of us. Even if there was no way for me to figure out the next steps right now, there had to be something. Some way that we could get out of here without Catherine interfering with our business and without the club finding out Jackson had ratted on him. The case was taking so long to actually get into the trial phase – the club's lawyer was intentionally getting it pushed back again and again.

"What are we going to do?" My voice broke as the question came out, a hand coming up to cover my mouth. "How are we going to get through this? And deal with her at the same time?"

"We've got to get her out of the picture." He answered without looking up at me.

"You don't mean kill her, do you?"

"No," he shook his head. "She's… she's still my mother and I don't think that I could do that. But there's got to be another way to get her out of the picture. Maybe we can get the case around my father's death opened up again. I don't know how but maybe Agent Pierce will know some way to get handled." He suggested.

"Calling her would be a good idea," I agreed with a nod of my head. "Maybe we can see if there's going to be any kind of progress with getting the trial, too. See if it'll occur soon."

A heavy sigh escaped and Jackson stood up. "I'm going to give her a call. Right now. There's no way that I'm going to take any chances. Not with her threatening you." He shook his head. "It's not too late in the day. She's probably still working anyway."

"A good idea," I agreed as I stood up.

Following him back out into the living room, he dialed Agent Pierce's number. I don't feel the need to hear both sides of the story. Even if Agent Pierce mostly spoke with him and I hadn't seen a lot of her in the last few months, I mostly trusted that she would do the right thing. I didn't think that she was loyal to Jackson in any way, but she seemed to be loyal to the law and upholding it in whatever was the most appropriate way. Seeking justice for someone's death and making sure the right person was behind bars should have been right up her alley.

But I watch Jackson as he speaks to her and listens to whatever it was that she was saying. And when his face fell, I see it immediately. Leaning forward, I snap to get his attention and mouth to him.

 _Put it on speaker_.

Jackson nodded in agreement and put the phone on speaker, setting it down on the coffee table as Maggie's voice filled out living room. She was talking about the trial.

"Hold on," Jackson interrupted. "April's listening now. Can you repeat what you just told me?"

"I talked to the district attorney today. Tomorrow, the case against the MC and all of the members is going to be dropped. It's not going to trial. It's being thrown out due to something the other side's lawyer managed to dig up."

"What?" I asked, eyes widening as I looked at Jackson.

"Meredith presented that the warrant for the search and seizure at the clubhouse was unreasonable due to who proposed it. Because of me," Maggie paused and sighed. "She went looking into my family tree. I'm not sure how she managed to find all of it, but… I was adopted when I was a few days old. I've always known that. But she found my original birth certificate where I was born. Richard Webber is my biological father. They won't go forward with the case because of my connection to him."

Neither one of us knew what to say, unable to find any kind of response. It was her fault. The case was being dropped and it was her fault – even if it was circumstances that none of us would have been able to control.

"We've got to go." Jackson broke the silence after a few seconds and hung up the phone.

"Now what?" I collapsed back against the chair that I was sitting in.

"I have no idea."


	11. Chapter 11

**_JACKSON_**

I hate waiting.

It was something that I had always hated. Granted, no one liked it. But it had the ability to get underneath my skin and piss me off like nothing else and now felt like the perfect example of that. The news that Agent Pierce had delivered over the phone had thrown me for a loop – the case was being thrown out because she was my step-sister, apparently. When I had pictured April and myself building a new family together away from Mom and Dick, it hadn't been like that. It hadn't included throwing away everything that we had been working toward.

Maybe that was why she was taking so long – she didn't want to confront me and have this conversation any more than I did. Seemed like a huge coincidence for her not to know about it. Maybe this was why she had taken interest in the case to start off.

 _"You're not going to believe what we got delivered today," Dad beamed._

 _"What is it?" I asked._

 _"The four-stroke scramblers for the Matchless '66 came in finally. We'll be able to finish up that bike now." He and I had been working on that bike for a while now, slowed down by the obstacles of getting every part we needed since it was an older model. By the time we had finished refurbishing it, it was worth over sixteen thousand dollars._

 _"You're kidding me!" I let out a laugh. "About damn time. Gonna make a lot of money off of that. I'll get it out again and start working on it tonight." I grinned._

 _Dad paused as his phone rang. "Just a second," he held up a finger to me. "Hello? … Yeah, yeah. I'm about to leave the shop now and I should be there in about fifteen minutes." I could just hear the other voice on the line – Mom. She must have been waiting for him._

 _I waited till he hung up to speak. "That Mom?"_

 _"Yeah," he answered. "Supposed to meet her for lunch. She's waiting for me. Insistent that I leave now."_

 _"Ah, alright," I nodded my head. Typical Mom. She didn't believe in waiting for anyone or anything. "See you later. I'll wait up to get started on it."_

That was the last time that I had seen my father alive. The bike was completely refurbished now and sitting in the garage, underneath a tarp. I'd finished it a couple years later, after two stints in jail, and then put it underneath. It was plenty of money but I couldn't part with it.

The tapping of my fingertips against the table was loud. There was a cup of coffee that I haven't bothered to touch. She was late. She hadn't been late to our previous meetings but I guess now I was no longer important to her given that there was no benefit from meeting with me other than clearing her conscious. She couldn't help me much anymore. April and I were going to be on our own again. This time, I wasn't sure what our next move could be. All of the evidence that Pierce had touched was going to be thrown away from our relationship and there was no getting any of it back. The club wasn't going to be going to jail any time soon. Now, it just seemed like things were going even further in the wrong direction. We were fucked.

 _Ding_. As the diner door opened, the bell above it went off. Ridgewood wasn't far from Eureka but enough that I didn't have to worry about getting recognized with her. The hoodie I was wearing covered up pretty much all of my tattoos.

There she was.

"Jackson." She gave me a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Sorry, I know I'm late."

"Yeah," I sat up and folded my hands on the table. "Surprised that you came at all," I admitted.

"I had to," she insisted. "I feel so bad about what happened. I had no idea – otherwise, I would have assigned this case to anyone else to make sure that something like this didn't happen. I mean, I knew that I was adopted, but I've never known about my biological parents. I can't believe that I came from someone like him, I can't even begin to imagine…" She rambled on.

"Living with him as a step-father isn't exactly great. You didn't miss out on much." I kept her from continuing down that path any further. I didn't need to hear it.

"Right, sorry," she replied quickly. "But I want to still help if I can. I've been looking into your father's death like we talked about on the phone." As she spoke, she pulled a manila folder out of her bag and set it down on the table between us.

I pulled it closer, opening it up. "What's all this?"

"Everything that I could find on the investigation of his death," Agent Pierce explained. "As you can see, there's not a lot. Local PD treated it like it was a black and white accident. Hit and run, they never convicted a suspect."

"Is there anything to suggest that it wasn't?" I asked.

"Well…" she sighed. "That's where it gets a little complicated. There was a witness. She came forward initially and gave a description of him to a sketch artist – it's in the back of the folder." I flipped to the back as she spoke. "Something scared her out of testifying and that's why the case ended up being shut because there wasn't any other evidence."

Looking at the image, it was clear exactly who she had described. Sure, there was fifteen years of aging between then and now. But there was no doubt in my mind that it was Dick.

"The club must have scared her out of it," I commented as I clutched onto the photo. "That's what Dick would've wanted."

"Probably," she agreed.

"Is there anything that we can do about it now?" I looked up at her.

"Probably not," she sighed. "Eyewitness reports aren't considered as reliable now as they were back then given all of the evidence that's come out against them. There's not any kind of physical evidence left. Unless Dick confessed directly, there's no way to put him away for it."

"What kind of confession are we talking about?" I leaned forward. "Mom said something to April. Basically confessed."

"It's hearsay unless she has some kind of proof of the confession." She shook her head. She'd have to admit to setting Dick up to do it, or vice versa. And I'm guessing that's not going to happen."

"No, it's not." Shutting the folder, I let out a sigh. This was looking like a dead end. "Thanks, I guess. I gotta go."

I didn't have to so much as I wanted to.

Abandoning my untouched coffee and leaving a couple of dollars on the table, I walked out of the diner and got onto my bike. The engine roared to life and I didn't hesitate to tear out of the parking lot, finding my way back on the highway to get back to Eureka.

Nothing about riding on the road could calm me in the way that it usually did. I had too many memories of Dick to tear apart. I'd been in jail when he and Mom had gotten married. The guys had told me about it a couple of weeks later when they had come to visitation. Less than a year after Dad had died and she'd gone off and married who I had thought had been his good friend, but instead, she had married his murderer. Given what she had said to April, it was clear the two had been in on it together. My opinion hadn't mattered. It still didn't, really. Not to them.

At least now it all made sense why Mom had been so insistent that he get to lunch with her.

The sun warmed the back of my neck in the brief drive from the diner in Ridgewood back to Eureka. Pulling up into the hospital parking lot, I park in the empty space next to April's Honda and ignored the reserved parking sign. Probably some other staff member out to lunch. I probably wouldn't be here that long.

"Where's Dr. Kepner?" I asked one of the passing nurses.

She turned and stared at me for a long moment before answering. "Either at lunch or in her office."

Muttering thanks, I made my way down to the cafeteria. If her being in the hospital had given anything good, it was the fact that now I knew the layout of the hospital and how to get around without looking like I was lost.

Red hair stands out in the cafeteria. I can see her sitting with Mark, Amelia, and Izzie. The latter spotted me and straightened up to wave me. I took a deep breath and gave her a smile as I walked over. I was surprised that she was still so friendly to me given the streak of bad luck that she had with the club. She had no reason. Usually, when someone died, we took care of their old lady and made sure they were all fine. But she hadn't been his old lady. They hadn't.

"Hey!" April perked up as she turned to saw me.

I kissed her forehead as I sat down next to her. "Hey, babe."

"Hi, Jackson," Izzie spoke.

"Hey," Amelia greeted.

"Thought I would come and visit you for lunch. Take Kieran home for the afternoon, too, if you'll let me take your car." My focus was on her even if I spoke loud enough for the others to hear. "Met with Maggie and she gave me a couple of things to look over."

"Oh?" April questioned with a slight tilt of her head, another silent question lingering on her lips.

"Looking into the job market?" Mark put himself in the conversation. April had mentioned that he had offered to hook me up with some kind of job – what, I wasn't sure. He seemed like a nice guy but I didn't want anyone doing what I should have been doing.

"No, not exactly." I shook my head. "Just looking into some family history. Stuff with my dad. He died when I was 18." That would stop him. Most people didn't like talking about dead parents.

"You were doing that some with Alex's dad too, weren't you? He mentioned once or twice that you had come to visit him in the hospital." Izzie said.

I let out a breath and nodded my head. "Yeah, I was."

"It's good to know about Kieran's grandpa." April rubbed my arm affectionately. "I wish that I had gotten the chance to meet him. He raised a good man."

"He would have loved you," I smiled fondly and placed my hand on top of hers. "Kieran too."

"You snagged one of the good ones," Mark commented and sipped through his plastic straws. "Not a lot of those left running around here. Trust me." He chuckled.

"He's just bitter because he got rejected by a hooker," Amelia snorted.

"She was not a hooker." He shook his head and put his cup down. "I don't pay. I don't have to."

"He's talking about Lexie, you know," April commented as she nudged me. "Showed me a picture. Apparently, the two of them met in a bar and he was not the mind-blowing one of the two of them." She explained.

"Really?" I laughed. "Yeah, she's not really the longterm type. Trust me – been there, done that."

Mark let out a victorious huff. "Knew that it couldn't have just been me." He smirked.

"Uh huh, sure," Izzie rolled her eyes playfully.

"I should probably get out of here before they decide to gang up on me instead of you," I said with a glance at Mark, placing a hand on April's shoulder and giving it a squeeze. She leaned over and gave me a soft kiss on the lips as she handed over her car keys. "I'll see you tonight. Text me when you need a ride home."

"See you later," April smiled.

Giving her shoulder one more squeeze, I got up from the table and headed in the other direction. The daycare was on the other side of the first floor but it doesn't take me long to get there. The daycare worker doesn't recognize me and checked my ID before she allowed me to take home my son. I wasn't sure if April had mentioned the incident with my mother or if it was just because of what I looked like. I'd have to ask her later.

Something about me behind the wheel of a car just seemed to set Kieran of. He cried the way home but he doesn't scream like he used to be, yet there was something more pitiful about the whimpering that I get. Maybe he was just meant to enjoy the bike and open road one day, like me.

"Come on, buddy," I encouraged him as I lifted him out of the car seat, bouncing him gently. "That's better, isn't it? Yeah. That's better. Don't worry, kid. When you're old enough, we're going to get you on that bike. It's going to drive your mom crazy but you'll love it. Your grandpa took me on the bike when I was way too young and I loved it. I promise you will too."

Babbling is the only response to my words that I get as we walked into the house. I gave him a bottle before settling down on the couch with him. The file with my father's information was out on the table, the eyewitness sketch of Dick out in the open.

"What am I gonna do with this?" I sighed.

Kieran gurgled and spit up on himself. I used the end of my sleeve to wipe his chin, lifting him up to burp him over my shoulder.

"I don't know either," I patted his back. "I don't know what grandpa would want me to do."

"Ba…" He only had a simple syllable to offer back.

"But I'm going to figure it out for you and Mom. I promise."

Keeping him held against the top of my chest, his hand reached up and rubbed against the stubble that was growing out on my face. He seemed to like the texture of it more than his mother did. He rubbed his hand up and down for a moment before it fell away and he just rested against my shoulder. I held him there for a few minutes before he fell asleep.

"You had a hard morning of drinking milk and pooping, huh?" I teased with a huff of breath, shifting gently to stretch out across the couch with him on my chest. I wasn't tired. The past few nights, I hadn't been sleeping much.

Thank God or Allah or Buddha or whoever was out there that I had him here.

Falling asleep on the couch isn't my intention given that I was supposed to go and pick up April from the end of her workday once she was done. I didn't want to ignore her text. But it's exactly what happens, nodding off with Kieran on my chest and an arm wrapped around him securely.

The front door to the house opened up and it took me a moment to process what the beeping of the alarm was, blinking myself awake and taking a deep breath. Kieran was still asleep no me and I could feel the pool of drool on my neck and shoulder from where he had slept. Sitting up gently as to not startle him awake, April was standing in the doorway with an adoring smile on her lips as she looked at the two of us.

"Hi, you two," she beamed.

"I was supposed to come to pick you up from work." I stood up, Kieran stirring in my arms. "Shit– I'm so sorry. I must have slept through your calling."

"I didn't," she shook her head. "Amelia gave me a ride home. She offered. Don't worry."

"Well, welcome home." She stepped toward me as I spoke, blowing a raspberry against Kieran's cheeks before stretching up on her toes and giving me a kiss, too. She took him out of my arms, snuggling him against her front.

"Oh, my sweet boy…" April sighed as she nuzzled her nose against Kieran. "Have you been looking at things with Daddy?"

"Hardly," I chuckled and rubbed the back of my head. "I opened up the file to take another look but there's really nothing there to look at it. It's the stuff that I knew all my life. He got plowed through, dead on the scene. There was an eye witness that I identified someone who looked… pretty much exactly like Dick but they didn't want to testify. I figure that the club scared them out of talking." I pointed out the photo on the table, sitting back down on the couch to look at the papers spread out across the coffee table.

"Even with them, it would be a big stretch, especially all these years later." She chewed at the inside of her cheek. "So does that mean that there's nothing we can do about it?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Seems to be that way."

"So what are we going to do?" She asked.

"I don't know."

Without a clear cut answer, it was hard to decide where to go forward. I knew that April could get a job anywhere that she wanted to. She had good credentials and a winning smile – I was sure that was all that she really needed when she walked into a job interview. But I couldn't let her put everything on her shoulders. This was my problem that she had gotten involved in and I was the one who needed to be able to get us out of it. I would have to find something soon. I didn't want to keep her waiting forever.

The sun still beat down in September but it wasn't nearly as brutal as the summer sun had been. There was not a single cloud in the sky as I walked through the familiar path of the cemetery to make my way to my father's grave.

 _Robert Damon Avery.  
_ _1962-2005._

Standing with my shadow on his grave, I stared at the tombstone for a long time. I'd come here a few times immediately after he died and here and there after more time passed, birthdays and the occasional holiday. Sometimes it was nice to feel like I was here with him, but sometimes I just didn't feel like I was doing more than staring at a stone. Reading his journals had made me feel closer than this.

Right now, though, I just needed a little more.

"Hey, Dad…" I breathed out and shoved my hands into the front pocket of my hoodie. "Guess it's been a while since the last time that I was here." Probably not since his last birthday.

Tilting my head back and getting a little more of the sun warming my curls, I paused for a moment and just stood there. No one else was around, just me and him. It was a chance to say anything that I had been holding back – but really, there wasn't much there. I could talk to April or either at Kieran.

"I've found your journals. Been reading through them and doing some thinking. Alex's dad died. So did he, actually. Both of them were murdered," I sighed. "I wish we'd been able to talk more about this than when you had been alive but I get why. There was a lot going on with you and Dick and you didn't have as much pull as you thought you did. It makes sense." My weight shifted from foot to foot. "You're right. The club shouldn't be doing what it's doing. I don't think I can get them out, but… I think I can get myself out. And April, and Kieran, too. You would like them a lot."

That was something that I was confident about. He would have liked her. She would have liked him a lot, too. He had been a good man. I wanted to be more like him and less like Dick.

That meant finding a new job.

There wasn't a lot that I was good at besides being a mechanic. Then, I was pretty average admittedly. But I knew how to get the job done. Dad had always run the business, Alex's dad had handled the numbers and whatnot after that – it was something that I would have to figure out. I didn't have a business background. That was something I could figure out, hopefully.

On the full moon in mid-September, instead of being in bed with April, I was sitting on the back porch with her laptop out.

Kieran had woken up in the middle of the night with a dirty diaper and once he was in a clean one and back down, I couldn't bring myself to get back to bed myself. Not having the next step was driving me crazy and I knew that it had to be bothering April, too. But there was only one thing that made any sense to me.

Start my own business – my own mechanic shop. But that meant knowing how to run a business. Sure, Google had plenty of ten to twelve-step plans to do it, but all of them required a lot of money. I knew that April had a solid six-figure salary with her work at the hospital but I didn't want to ask her to do this. Getting a loan from the bank wasn't going to work out with my background and lack of educational experience. So there was one step that made some sense… Go to school. Get an associate's in business administration, and go from there.

"What are you doing out here?" I flinched hearing April's voice, squinting as I twisted my neck around to see her standing over my shoulder. She'd been quietly sneaking up on me.

"Just thinking," I shrugged my shoulders as she sat down next to me.

"Business administration?" She questioned as she leaned into me, her head resting on my shoulder. I pressed a kiss on top of her head. "You want to go back to school?"

"I was thinking if I did, maybe I could start up my own auto repair shop," I admitted. "It's a stupid idea," I brushed off.

"No, it's not," she replied quickly. "I loved school. I loved it so much even though… you know, my parents. But I really loved school and learning. I think it'd be great for you. You could show off how smart you are to more than just me."

I laughed. "I'm not that smart."

"Yes, you are," April jabbed my ribs lightly. "You're not just some dumb biker. I wouldn't be here with you if you were. You're smart and you're committed. When it comes to school? Being committed is what makes you smart. You commit yourself and you work hard and that's what gets good grades. Trust me. You would kill it. I would help you, too."

"I love you." Somehow, she had the right words to say. I shifted slightly as I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and pulled her in against me, giving her upper arm a little rub. "I love you so much." Those were words that I didn't say to her enough.

"I love you too, baby," she nuzzled against me affectionately, head turning toward me slightly as she kissed my shoulder. "And I think that this is a great idea for a next step. Get accepted somewhere far away from here, use that as your excuse to go. Then never come back. It'd be an easy out. Give us a bit of time to figure out the details while you're in school, and then just… go wherever we want to go. Move to Timbuktu."

Maybe not Timbuktu, but it sure as hell wouldn't be Eureka.

Technically online school was an option, but that wasn't something that I wanted to tell the club. I could tell them I was going so we could keep up with the times on the business front and let them accept that. It was a good cover, April was right. I hadn't thought about it that way when I had looked into it but maybe it really could work.

A week later there was a meeting with the club set up formally which meant that there was something big that needed to be discussed. Whatever it was, Dick had been keeping me out of it. That was likely Mom's doing.

I'd made a list – not entirely vetted necessarily but locations all across the country to keep away. Keiser University in Florida, Elizabethtown College in Pennsylvania, Empire State College in New York, the University of Maine at Augusta. There were options everywhere, more than I realized for older students, and I was favoring the ones on the east coast. I actually had a chance at making all of this come together.

Late in the evening, everyone was gathered around the table with Dick at the head of it. It took a few minutes for everyone to get settled, and I noticed that Deluca had his cousin with him again. That was unexpected. There must have been something going on there that I didn't know about.

"Alright, alright," Dick banged his fist against the wooden table. "Quiet down."

A few seconds passed before a hush was established across the room.

"I know that things have been pretty slow on the gun front since the ATF bust but now that the case is dropped, we can deep into getting things running again," he announced as he looked around the table. It seemed like his eyes lingered on me for a moment longer. "Which is why Vito is here today. They've got a new proposition for the club that everyone needs to hear."

"Thank you." His Italian accent was thick as he began. "We've recently gotten a new source of some narcotics and need to find a few more sellers. You have a nice little town here, yeah? try white and enough money. With the opioid epidemic that you've got going, we think that it's going to be a good place to start some more business going with you guys. You owe us a debt from the gun issue that you have going on and we've been very patient and forgiving. But it won't last forever. You want to play off that debt faster? Then this is going to be the way to do it."

Fuck.

"What kind of narcotics are we talkin' about?" Owen questioned, leaning forward on the table. I leaned back and withheld a sigh.

"Dilaudid primarily," Vito answered. "Very addictive."

Details of the drugs were passed around the conversation and I could feel my chest getting tighter. I wanted nothing more than to get out of this club and if they were about to get even deeper into trouble with selling drugs, then my family needed to be out of here. I knew a couple others around sold heroin and other drugs – they wouldn't like this. This was going o cause violence in the streets. There was no way to ignore that.

"What about the others?" I finally questioned after a few minutes of discussions. "The other clubs, they're dealing too. They're not going to like that we're intruding on their territory. They've always looked at us for guns and nothing else."

"Get back into controlling the gun market again and it'll be no worry," Vito chuckled.

"Get into both and there'll be plenty of money to go around." Dick echoed with a nod of his head. "Kill two birds with one stone."

Killing something was right.

"We will need an answer about what you want to do tonight," Vito said.

"Which means that we need to vote on it now." No time to talk anyone out of it. Voting no was going to make me the odd man out, I was almost certain of that. I had to keep my head down. "Who's in?" Hands across the room rose up. Mine did slowly. "Anyone against?" Everyone's hands went down.

More fists banged against the table in celebration and Vito stood up with his phone out, leaving the room to make a phone call. He wasn't actually in the club, just came and went through his connection with Deluca, which meant that there wasn't a reason for him to stay for the rest of it. But now would be a good time to announce what I had been thinking about. The sooner that April and I could slink away, the better.

As it quieted down again, I took a deep breath before finding my voice again. "There's actually something that I want to address while we have everyone here." I glanced around the table as everyone's eyes turned toward me.

"What's going on, son?" Dick asked and I tried not to cringe at the word choice.

"I've been thinking about the business side of things with the shop. I know that Alex's dad did a lot of the running for it and that you've taken over since," I began. "But I think it'd be good to keep up with the times. I want to go to school, get a degree in business administration. Make sure there are no loopholes in what we're doing."

"Jacky boy, you want to go to school?" Owen gave a boisterous laugh. "You've got to be kidding me!"

"Someone's got to keep this place running and it's not going to be your dumbass, Hunt," another member chimed in, more laughter following from around the table.

"Not a bad idea," Dick commented, rubbing his chin. "Someone does have to keep this place running and we'll need the books neater than ever."

"Exactly," I agreed with a nod of my head. "I'd have to step away a couple of years, you know, to do a good job and not half-ass it. Keep up with the kid growing, too." That was the part I was a little more worried about them buying. "April thinks she can help me get into a decent place and get a real education." Okay, she hadn't said that. But they didn't talk to her.

"Huh," Dick clucked his tongue. "Boys, what do you think?"

There wasn't the same enthusiasm around the table as there had been about the prospect of selling drugs, but the noises and mutterings that come are pretty agreeable. Alex might have been the only one who said no, he probably would have thought it was a stupid idea and wouldn't want me ditching town. But he wasn't here anymore and he didn't have to know how bad things were about to get.

But they were in favor.

That was pretty much all of the relief that I could have asked for given what else everyone was in favor for. I would have to take what I could get. They'd pretty much given me permission to go. They just didn't know that I wasn't going to be coming back.

As everyone began to stand up and filtered out of the room, I forced my shoulders down and to relax so no one suspected that there was something more going on. I could get out of there and get home to my girl, let her know about the good news. She would be relieved. She wanted to get out of here even more than I did and my desire to leave was growing every day.

"Jackson," Dick called my name before I could get out. "Slow down for a second."

Shit. "Yeah?" I turned around to face him.

"I just want to talk, son." He motioned for me to sit down at the table and I did so. He looked down at me for a moment before sitting back at his position at the head of the table. The hairs on the back of my neck rose.

"What's up?"

"Your mom and I have been talking." Oh, no. A long pause followed. "She's let me in on some information that frankly, she should have told me a long time ago, but I suppose I'll have to settle on knowing it now. You're lucky that no one else has found out that you're the rat. Catherine's always been good at keeping secrets." The more he spoke, the angrier I got.

"Yeah, like how my father really died." I snapped. "She's kept that one hidden for years."

"You should be dead right now, just like your father." He replied.

My hand curled into a fist and I stood up quickly. "So what are you going to do about it?"

"It's not about what I'm going to do about it. It's about what you're going to do." Dick stood up. "If you open your mouth about any of this to anyone else, you'll be joining Robert. You're going to do exactly what I say and there's not going to be a single complaint about it."

Without thinking, I threw my fist at his face. Two knuckles popped upon collision. "Don't talk about my father."

"Bastard," Dick swore as he stepped back, spitting out blood. "You can do your little school adventure. I couldn't get a rat's ass about you staying given your mother is the only reason that you're alive right now. But before that? You're going to be the one taking up the drugs with the other clubs since you're so concerned about it. That's all going to be on you. You're going to be the face of all of this." So if it all went to shit, it would come down on me with any feds.

"Kiss my ass," I swore at him as I turned around on my heel sharply to walk out.

"If you don't, you're not the only one that it's going to come down on." He threatened. "You think that plot in the cemetery is going to have enough room for April and your son?"

I stopped in my tracks. "You wouldn't."

"You know that I would." Without another word from him, I walked out.

Mom and Dick could threaten me and my lie all day long. But the second that they even came near touching April or Kieran? I would kill and bury both of them without hesitation. April and Kieran were themes important people in my life and I couldn't let anything that I was doing hurt them anymore, not like that. But right now, all of those outside options that I had been building up for both of us were beginning to look bleak.

A streak of black was freshly stained onto the road right before turning into the driveway of our house. Driving too fast was a habit and it was only made worse when I was pissed off like this. I wanted to do more than punch him. I wanted to strangle the life out of him.

The front door of the house slammed shut behind me as I came in, dropping my keys on the table and sucking in a deep breath. I needed to calm down. I didn't want April to seem like this and I knew I was in no condition to be around our son like this, either. But I wanted to break something, I wanted to punch something and I wanted to scream. The already swollen state of my knuckles wasn't enough to let out everything that was culminating inside of me now. I wasn't going to let this go. Dick couldn't do this shit to me. He couldn't do it to them.

"Jackson?" April called out. "What's going on?"

My head shook as she entered the room, running both hands over my face and lacing my fingers together behind my head. My mouth felt dry suddenly.

"Hey, hey…" she tried to soothe as she stepped forward and placed her hands on my chest, rubbing it gently. "Calm down. Talk to me. You can always talk to me." It took a moment of her patting me gently to try and gather myself enough to speak.

"The club's getting involved in drugs. It's my fault. It's to make up for the money lost from the ATF raid." I shook my head and my hands fell back down by my side. "Shit! And Dick knows. I knew there was a chance that all of this could backfire but I didn't think it was going to be like this."

April doesn't say anything at first, looking up at me with wide eyes before her arms wrapped around my neck and she stretched up on her toes to hug me. "It's going to be okay, baby." She murmured in my ear as she held onto me tight. My arms naturally went around her slim waist and I pulled her against me, breathing her in. At least right now, in my arms, she was safe and sound.

"I don't know what to do." My eyes burned with tears as I tried to keep them back and from overflowing. "Everything I do goes wrong. Every single thing I have done to try and make our lives better and safer has turned back against us."

"You are going everything that you can." She pulled back, her hands resting on my shoulders and barely going anywhere. "I believe in you. You're doing the best that you can."

"And what if that's not going to be enough?" I questioned.

"It will." Her optimism pursued despite my growing negativity. "We are going to make it work, Jackson. It's been made very clear that it's not going to be easy but we are going to make it through this. We're getting out of this town. We'll move to New York or Maine or wherever we need to, and we will have our life and our family there. You're going to get your degree and have a successful business. It's going to work. Remember what you promised me?"

"That we were going to get out of here." That it was going to be better for both of us. I couldn't forget that I had promised her that – it seemed like now, my entire life revolved around trying to fulfill what I had told her.

"Exactly. You are not a person who makes promises he doesn't keep." She held my face securely in her hands, tight enough that maybe it could just piece me back together a bit. "Come here. Let's sit down."

April guided me over to the couch and we sat down together. For once, I was the one leaning on her. My head ended up in her lap and she held me like that, fingernails running over my scalp just the way that she knew I liked it. A few minutes passed as I began to calm down.

"We'll get out of here. We'll fill out those applications and get you in for the spring semester." She suggested. "I trust you."

"Thank you," I spoke after a few minutes, my hands on her knee and giving it a slight squeeze.

"For what?" She asked.

"For being the one who always believes in me. I haven't had that since my Dad died." I admitted.

Her hair brushed against me as she bent down, kissing the top of my head. "Thank you for being worth believing in."


	12. Chapter 12

**_APRIL_**

Writing a recommendation letter was something that I had never done before. I'd taken my degree and gone into practice, not academia – it was a skill that I had never thought that I would need. Asking professors and mentors for them in the past had felt like pulling nails and I would have to do it again, of course, pending wherever Jackson and I ended up. But for now, I was writing one for him. I had warned him that it might not hold a lot of weight given that as far as the paperwork would say, we were friends, but I was happy to do it for him anyway.

Even if I wondered if one day on paper if we were going to be more than just friends.

 _It is my pleasure to offer my unreserved recommendation…_

Fingers clacked against the keyboard of my Macbook a little louder than I expected. But it was easier to talk about him than I had thought, some thoughts coming out better in written word than what I could have hoped to tell him out loud. I have to go back and edit it a few times to make sure that it doesn't sound like an infatuated woman writing about her lover. The first draft certainly did and the second still hinted at it, but by the fourth one, it sounded relatively professional and yet still like a glowing recommendation about someone that I knew well. Given the acceptance rate, I was hoping that this and his essays would be enough to get him in despite all of the other obstacles that would stand in his way.

He would be a good student. I had nothing to reference it against given that high school had been a long time ago for both of us and his grades apparently hadn't been great, but he was a different person now. Now, he was a man and a father. Jackson wasn't doing it because it was just something that society said that you needed to do it after high school – he was doing it for his family, because he had a plan for his family and for our lives to be better. That was why he'd be good at it.

"Mama."

It took a moment for my sleep-deprived brain to realize what was going on – that it wasn't Jackson speaking to me, but it was in fact, the beautiful baby boy in my lap saying his first words.

"Mama," Kieran repeated himself, taking a fistful of my hair and tugging on it for attention.

"Oh, my sweet baby!" I cried out, lifting him up so his legs were straightened as if he were standing. "Are you saying my name? Can you say it again? Can you say mama again?"

"Mama, mama, mama…" He repeatedly happily, bouncing a bit on top of my thighs.

"What's going on?" Jackson asked as he moved from the kitchen table, undoubtedly distracted from working on his own essay by the sudden noise that the two of us were making.

I made an exaggerated face at Kieran. "Can you say it again for Daddy?"

"Mama! Mama! Mama!"

"Holy shit," he swore and I rolled my eyes even if it doesn't change the smile on my face. "He said his first words! Oh my god, this is incredible. Wow. That's gotta be really early, right?"

"Are you going to be our little genius baby?" I leaned forward, blowing raspberries on his belly. "Yes, yes you are."

By the first day of October, Jackson had submitted all of his school applications.

We knew that we would hear back relatively soon from the schools and I had made sure that Jackson had called each one individually with questions about something or another, making sure that his interest as an older student was known before they saw his name and age on an application. I wanted him to get in. I wanted him to get into all of the schools and have his choice for where he wanted to go. The only one that he had vaguely complained about was in New York City and solely because of how difficult it would be to have a motorcycle in the city.

My resume was officially floating out there again in some of the different cities that he had applied for. I wasn't sure how that would go but I knew it would work out one way or another. If I didn't get a job at a hospital, then I would find a private practice. Worst case scenario, I could get a position as an adjunct professor until I found something better.

 _"I gotta be cool, relax, get hip and get on my track's. Take a back seat, hitch-hike, and take a long ride on my motorbike… Until I'm ready, crazy little thing called love."_

Singing was the easiest way to keep Kieran entertained while I tried to get a few things done around the house. Queen wasn't my favorite band in the world despite what Jackson might have teased. But something felt right about singing it to him. It'd gotten his Daddy's attention that first night and now it was keeping his.

The alarm of the house beeped as the front door opened and I glanced over my shoulder to see Jackson walking in. He was on the phone. I waited for him to finish up before speaking.

"Hey, Daddy," I smiled. "Who was that?"

"Keiser," he shrugged and his gave dropped. "They're not going to accept me because of my record."

"Oh," I breathed out and set the wooden spoon across the top of the pot of boiling water. "I'm sorry. That's the one in Florida, right? You'd hate Florida. All the heat of California without any of the good stuff. You applied to other schools. You'll get into one of them," I assured him.

"I don't know," he ran his hand over his face. "I mean, it's not like that's going to go away. Every school asked about it on their application. They're all going to see I said yes."

"But you explained a lot of that already in your essays," I pointed out. "And, remember? We did the research on it. Yes, for some schools it might be a nail in the coffin, but not every school. The bigger challenge comes in housing and finances but that's not something that you need to worry about."

Jackson shook his head, moving toward Kieran in his high chair and picking up some of the blocks he'd dropped onto the floor. "I'll find a way to finance it. You don't need to worry about that." There he was again – stubborn about money. We both were.

"Why won't you let me just take care of that?" I asked. "Take out a loan for tuition, we'll pay off the interest now, take care of the rest once you're out of school. We're not talking about seventy thousand dollar schools. It'll be fine."

"I'm not going to let you handle that," he shook his head stubbornly. "That's my job."

"Why?" I scoffed. "Because you're a man?"

He doesn't give me an immediate answer and my eyebrows raised as I stared back at him, waiting for something. Letting out a sigh, I turned around to stir the pasta once more and get the strainer out of the cabinet.

"What's mine is yours. I shouldn't have to tell you that. If we need to be married for you to believe that, then propose to me. You're being stubborn when you don't have to be. There are other things in your life that you can be stubborn about." I rambled on, glancing at the time on the timer.

"You want me to propose?" Jackson questioned, ignoring everything else that I said.

"I mean, eventually," I shrugged. "Otherwise I'm not quite sure what we're doing here. But that's not the point."

"I don't want to burden you with that," he spoke as he got closer to me. His hands rested on my hips. "I know you've got a good job and make money. I get it. But this s something that I feel like I should be handling on my own."

"Isn't the point of the two of us being together so that we can handle this together?" I countered as I turned to face him. "You know, handle it as a couple, as a family?"

"Maybe you're onto something," he commented and tucked my hair behind my ears. He bent down and kissed me gently. "Do you need any help with dinner?"

"Nope," I shook my head. "Just keep Kieran entertained a little while longer and we're good."

Just because other options in the field were being played out, though, doesn't mean that work or motherhood is any less demanding. If anything, the possibility of a big life change in the future only made it more daunting. I had to keep everything current under control while trying to make a clear and concise path for the future.

The hospital didn't slow down. Whether or not I was affected by the insanity that came with emergencies rolling in and out always varied depending on whether or not a psychiatric consult was needed and who all was in charge. I'm usually down there at least once or twice a day, often dealing with cases of addiction. Treating who didn't want to be treated was one of the most difficult aspects of my job and there wasn't always something that I could do beyond providing the resources and the medication that could help. Jackson had told me about the drugs that Dick wanted to bring in. I could only imagine how much worse that would get in the E.R. if it happened.

My pager went off in the middle of finishing up paperwork on my most recent patient – a suffering schizophrenic in desperate need of a medication tweak – and I glanced down at it. 911 to the E.R. Even if I got pages down there frequently, rarely were they so emergent.

Hurrying down the hallway to get to the elevator, it comes quickly and I press the button down to the first floor a few times. It doesn't make a difference in the speed of the elevator, of course. When the doors open, it doesn't take me long to find who paged me. It was one of the cardiologists on call, Dr. Burke. That was a little unusual.

"Hey," I greeted him, brows furrowing. "What's going on?"

"Patient came in, Dr. Stevens gave me the heads up that you know him," Dr. Burke explained. "I thought that you would appreciate the heads up that he was here."

"What?" I blurted out before he could say anything further. "Who's the patient?"

"Richard Webber," he answered.

Heart skipping a beat in my chest, I nodded my head and moved past him to pull back the curtain, just enough to see Dick laying on the bed there. An oxygen mask was on his face, hooked up to multiple monitors. I was surprised Catherine wasn't there holding his hand. Quickly, I shut the curtain again, hoping he was too preoccupied with the other doctors to notice me.

"What happened to him?" I asked as I turned back to face Dr. Burke again.

"Heart attack," he answered simply. "We already placed in two stents to open him back up. His wife was in and out earlier, and apparently, the motorcycle club he belongs to is filling up the waiting room." The last thing I wanted was more of them here. This was supposed to be my own little safe space.

"What's the prognosis?" I asked even though I already mostly knew the answer.

"Probably fine, as long as he keeps up with a new medication regime. He'll need a few lifestyle changes." But that probably didn't include getting off the bike. Exercise and physical activity were encouraged. "How do you know the patient?"

"He's Jackson's step-father. They're not very close." I distanced myself instinctively, biting down on my lower lip. "But I will say something to him when things have called down." When I had a chance to gather myself, talk to Jackson, and figure out what to do. "Thank you for paging me, Preston."

"Of course," he gave me another glance before walking again.

I lingered there as some of the residents and interns filtered in and out to check on everything that was going on with him. They were likely preparing to move him from the E.R. and up to a room in the cardio ward where he could get more specialized attention. He would have to stay there for a night at least, maybe two, depending on how things went and his general health. I hadn't kept up with him on that kind of thing – I doubted that Jackson had, either.

Stepping out of the E.R. and moving down the hallway to find a quiet on-call room, I pulled out my phone and quickly tapped Jackson's name to call him. The line rang a few times and he didn't answer. Letting out a sigh, I followed up a minute later with a text.

 _[Sent] Need to talk. Dick's in the hospital. Heart attack._

After pressing send, I stared at the screen as I waited for him to reply. There were a million reasons that he might not answer immediately. After about thirty seconds, my phone vibrated in my hand with his call.

"Hey," I answered quickly. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Sorry, my phone was on silent. Dick had a heart attack? What happened?" He asked.

"I didn't get every detail. Apparently, it was bad but Dr. Burke said that he's placed in two stents and it's going to be fine now." For anyone else, it'd be good news. Yet I can't help but sigh. Natural causes hadn't taken him out and given us the freedom that I could only hope for.

"Shit," Jackson swore. "Dammit! I mean, is there any chance of this thing turning around? I need to get up there – the club and Mom are going to expect me to be there. If I don't, it'll look strange."

"The critical period is pretty much over," I shook my head. "If it were going to kill him, it would have already. Unless there's some kind of complication…"

"Complication like what?"

"Uh, arrhythmias, heart failure, a couple of other things. I'm sure they have to run more tests and they'll keep him a bit for observation." I explained. "Complications happen at the hospital too. I feel weird thinking about hoping for it. Infections happen, especially the longer that you stay in a hospital." I chewed at the inside of my cheek, letting out another loud sigh. "Are you coming up here?"

"Yeah, of course." I could hear him moving around things on the other side of the line. "I should be there in a few minutes. Why don't I meet you up in your office so we can avoid the others?"

"Okay," I murmured. "Love you. See you soon."

Restlessly heading back up to the fifth floor of the hospital, I sat down on the couch of my office and left the door unlocked so that he could just come in. He would be here soon and we would figure out if there was anything we could do.

But truthfully, I could only see one way out of this now. Dick wanted him to do more abhorrent things for the club. Things that would be harder to come back from, especially if he got caught. We were supposed to be moving forward in another direction, he was going to go to school and get his own auto shop going, we would move somewhere else and have our life and family there. We'd get married. Maybe we would have another baby together. None of that involved Dick, Catherine, the club, or anything else that they could try and force our way. Something had to be eliminated from the picture. Someone. And it couldn't be either of us.

Jackson had told me how the club worked – it was outdated, sexist. Catherine wouldn't hold the same power on her own that she held with Dick standing by her side. The club didn't know about everything that Jackson had done with turning on the club. There was no reason for that to have changed. If Dick was out of the picture, we would have our way out.

We had to do something.

We would never get out of here otherwise. I couldn't stand more than another month or two here, at the absolute most, and that was already stretching at my sanity. Kieran wouldn't have his first birthday here. He wouldn't have any birthday here. The door opened up as Jackson stepped in.

"Hey," he said. "The lobby's full of the MC."

"I know," I sighed out. "I'm sure they're all celebrating the fact that he's going to be fine. Then there's us."

"Yeah," he ran his hand over his face and sat down on the other end of the couch, setting his hand down on my knee and giving it gentle squeeze. "Yeah, they are."

"He can't live." My gaze moved from his hand to his eyes quickly. "He can't, Jackson."

"It'd make things a lot easier if he wasn't around," Jackson sighed out, wetting his lips and giving another squeeze. "I know that. Guess karma isn't going to come to get him as it should have. If someone takes him out, it'll start a war with the MC. If I walk away from the war, then it's going to be turned on me. I've thought about it, April, I promise. Taking him out in his sleep. Making our lives endlessly easier. But if that happens, Mom's going to know that it was me." And Catherine cared about her power and position more than anything else here.

"What if there was another way?" I asked, my bottom lip catching beneath my teeth as I took a deep breath and leaned toward him, placing my hand on top of his. "One that Catherine would never know about?"

His brow furrowed. "What are you talking about?"

It was a bad idea. A terrible idea. I knew all about the psychology behind what I was thinking about, I had poured into article over article with a keen interest particularly during medical school even if I had gone down a more generalized route when it came to psychiatry. But I also knew what it did and didn't mean. When a mother was threatened, there wasn't a thing in the world that she wouldn't do to protect her child. That was true throughout the animal kingdom. In species where paternal investment was high, the same was often true of fathers. Nothing bonded two living creatures like the relationship between parent and child. And right now, I was a mother whose child was threatened.

But members of the MC didn't stay all day. Of course, some of them would linger throughout the night. It's two of the younger members – one of them was named Roy, I wasn't sure about the other. Jackson had gone home with Kieran earlier. I had told him to go see his mother. He needed to absolutely be in the clear for this to work.

The cardio ward was relatively quiet late in the evening without any kind of emergency. Dr. Burke had gone home for the day. I would too, after this. I waited until the nurse behind the desk was called by another patient to enter his room.

"April." Dick greeted me. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm a doctor, remember?" I certainly wasn't here as a kind visitor.

"A doc for whack jobs," he scoffed. As he spoke, I turned toward one of the drawers and pulled out a syringe. "I doubt that Jackson sent you here to check up on me. What are you doing?"

"You have a big new medicine regime," I commented with a slight shrug of my shoulders. "Jackson told me about the drugs that you want to set up. Trying to put him in charge of it like some kind of punishment because he's the only person left in the club with a conscience."

"Kid needs to get over it," he chuckled. "This is the life. I don't know how Robert's gotten into his head all these years later, but it's time for him to get over it."

"That's not what's going to happen," I shook my head, looking down at the empty syringe in my hand. There was no medication in it. That would have been obvious, especially if someone saw me coming out – even if I had to play the role of a good, almost daughter-in-law. "He and I are getting out. You and Catherine won't stand in the way of that."

"Sounds like you're just as delusional as the patients that you've been treating," he laughed.

"No, no I'm not actually," I shook my head. "The only crazy people I know are you, and Catherine. And I prescribe a lot of psychiatric medication. That says something."

"What do you think you can actually do about any of this? You're not even an old lady." Dick taunted.

"This."

Moving over to his central line IV, I put the syringe in. I took a deep breath as I pushed nothing more than just air into the tube. The truth was, no medication was needed to take care of him. There was no need to suffocate him with a pillow, wait for him to maybe get an infection. There was a way to take care of it. Doctors were trusted not to do this. But right now, I wasn't a doctor. I was just a scared mom. I was doing what I had to do to protect my baby.

"What the hell are you doing?" Dick said, jerking back. It was too late. The air would already be going into his system. I wouldn't be an immediate effect, I knew that. It could take time. But it would work.

"It's just some aspirin, Dick. Not cyanide." Untrue, but I rolled my eyes as I tried to play it off. "But you're going to be here a few days for observation. Take back the threat with Jackson tomorrow."

Not bothering to stick around for any more conversation with him, I keep the syringe that I had used in my pocket. I don't want anyone to see it in the trash. I could take it home and throw it out there. My fist curled around it in my pocket as I stepped out of his room and shut the door behind me. Nurse Hart was sitting back behind the desk again and I gave her a tired smile.

"He's in good spirits," I commented.

"I heard from some of the other nurses that he's your baby's grandfather." No. "I'll make sure to keep an eye on him, Dr. Kepner. He already seems to be in good shape."

"Thank you, Angie," I murmured. "I'll be back to check on him in the morning before work."

Hopefully, by then, there would be nothing to check on.

Walking out of the hospital and keeping my head down, I take a longer way home. When Matthew had tried to kill me and ended up dead, there had been guilt. That had been self-defense. It had been unarguably self-defense, especially given that Alex had died and he'd had a much better chance at protecting and defending himself than I did. The police had tossed it away as self-defense immediately, it was unanimous.

In a way, this was a form of self-dense too, even if it wasn't quite as clear and cut as the instance with Matthew had been. But truthfully, this wasn't about keeping my head above water nearly as much as it was about protecting Jackson and Kieran. There wasn't a thing in the world that I wouldn't do to protect my son and his father. This was proof of that. I had to protect my family above all else, and I had to protect myself, to an extent. Knowing that I was doing it for them stirred up a different feeling than what Matthew had. It's not the same kind of guilt or shame. Instead, my stomach felt heavy. My heart was sinking down into my chest. But my brain knew, undoubtedly, one thing: I had done the right thing.

The porch light to the house was still on by the time that I got there. I wasn't sure how long it would take the air to either cause deadly heart problems or an embolism, but I knew that was the inevitable consequence of what I had done. The call probably hadn't come yet.

"Hi, honey," I called out quietly as I stepped into the house, locking the door behind me.

"Shhh," Jackson replied as he appeared from the hallway. "I just got him down."

"Sorry," I whispered and placed a finger over my lips, stepping out of my heels. I pulled the syringe out of my pocket and set it down on the kitchen counter, staring at it for a long moment before speaking. "I did it."

"What happens next?" He asked, moving up next to me and wrapping his arm around my shoulders, bringing me against him. I shut my eyes for a moment and just relaxed there, ear pressing against his chest. I could faintly hear the sound of his heart beating on the other side f his sternum. It was nice to listen to.

"After he passes, they'll call Catherine first since she's listed as his emergency contact and next of kin," I answered, letting out a deep breath. "I imagine that someone will call me too because they know about my relationship to him. Catherine will probably call you, or the club next. I'm not sure knowing her…" I shook my head slightly, leaning more into him. "They'll tell him he died of a natural, common complication. And that will be it."

His hand ran up and down my spine. "She'll blame it on the heart attack," he murmured, pressing his lips on top of my head.

"And more importantly, not you." I was sure she didn't consider me enough of a threat to do it.

"No one else in the club knows that he wants me to be responsible for all of the drug crap, as far as I know. With him out of the picture and me going to school, it's probably going to fall on Hunt and Deluca. Hunt's likely to be the next president of the MC with me gone." It felt good to know it wasn't him.

"And Hunt is fine with you going away." I nodded my head, pulling away from him slightly and placing my hands on his shoulders. "No one will come after us."

That night, despite what I had done, I fall asleep easily.

Even Kieran slept through the night. It was like he knew that there was a new wave of peace coming to our household and that we were no longer going to be filled with the same worries that had plagued our lives for the last year. But both of us wake up early. When Jackson's phone rings a few minutes past five in the morning, I can already predict who was on the other end of the line and the phone conversation that was about to be had. He took it out of the room to try and give me a few more minutes of sleep, but I don't bother with trying to take it.

Washing my face and putting my hair up in a messy bun while he finished up on the phone with his mother, I check on Kieran in the nursery. He was still asleep, looking like a sweet little angel. Jackson and Kieran looked alike when they slept – same wide nose, lips open. Kieran just happened to have a little bit of drool on his chin that I wiped off.

A pot of coffee is put on and it was nearly ready by the time that Jackson joined me in the kitchen. He looked tired.

"Your mom?" I asked, getting two mugs out of the cupboard.

"Yeah," he nodded his head. "Dick had an embolism in his brain in the middle of the night. He's braindead. Mom said that she was going to pull the plug on him later today. Noon. She wants a chance for a few other people to get there before it happens."

The death of another human being had never been such a relief for me as it was in this moment. I took a deep breath as I poured two cups of coffee and got the creamer out of the fridge. It was going to be a few hours before we needed to be at the hospital for that and I already knew that it was going to be a long day in dealing with this, his mother, and all of the others in the MC who were bound to be there. We were both going to have to play a role that neither one of us needed to play. But it was what we had to do. One last hurrah.

A call is made to take the day off of work for the obvious reasons and no fuss would be put up. Everyone would understand why I was busy with personal matters today. No one would understand why I was more likely to cry tears of joy than anything else.

Noon comes and goes. A babysitter takes care of Kieran while we're gone and I'm not in the room when the plug is finally pulled and Richard Webber's life is officially ended. Jackson has to be in the room, holding his mother's hands. I'm not sure if the grief that Catherine felt was real. I couldn't imagine having to make the decision to pull the plug on Jackson, braindead or not. There were some things that were just cruel for doctors to ask family members to do, even if they had to. This was one of those things.

When Jackson and Catherine cleared out of the room, I stood in the hallway and waited for him. His arms wrapped around my frame and he didn't say a word as he hugged me tightly, but I could feel everything that he wanted to say.

 _Thank you_.

"Are you ready to go home?" I asked after a few seconds of holding him tight, looking up at him with raised eyebrows. Jackson gave a long look at the mourning faces up and down the hallway, more than just his mother. The other members of the MC hadn't realized just how evil Dick and Catherine were. They didn't know what happened to Jackson's father. They were mourning and it was real.

That pain did give me a real, tangible pain of guilt.

"I think that I need to be with them for a little while longer." Some of them were his friends. It was easy for me to forget that. I nodded my head in understanding, taking a step back from him and tucking my hands restlessly into my pockets.

"That's okay," I murmured. "I'm going to go home. Will you be home for dinner?"

"I'm not sure." One of his shoulders lifted and fell in a shrug. "I'll let you know."

My eyes stay on him as he and the others make their way out of the hospitals. Their motorcycles practically covered the parking lot of guest parking, eyes of nurses and other patients and their families following them. Even without the head of the snake, the sight of them all together like that was a frightening one.

Among those staring was a familiar blonde. Izzie. I was sure that she recognized this sight. The same thing had happened here when it had been Alex who had died. There was undoubtedly some painful memories resurfacing for her.

"Hey," I gave her a little wave to get her attention. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," she looked stunned by my words, giving a nod of her head. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm so sorry to hear about Dick. I'm sure that Jackson must be going through a lot right now."

"Thank you." More than she or anyone else knew. "We appreciate it. There's probably going to be a lot going on the next couple of days. If you wanted to bring by some baked goods, I'm sure all of the guys would be more than happy to see you again." I wondered if she missed any of this. I couldn't and wouldn't.

"Really?" She smiled. "Yeah, I could definitely do something like. The guys were always so nice to me whenever I brought food. I guess they're not used to having a lot of baked goods."

"No, they're not." I stepped forward and gave her a tight hug. "Thank you. I know they'll love it."

"What about you?" Izzie asked. "Do you need anything?"

"No," I shook my head. "Actually, uh… there's something that I've been meaning to tell all of you. Jackson's going to go back to school. So we're probably going to be moving away soon. I've been applying for jobs and the likes, looking around in the cities that he's applying to. We're… we're going to get a new start away from the club."

Her eyes widened, taking a moment to reply before she nodded her head. "Oh, wow. I mean, that's great for him. That's really great for him, for both of you. I'll miss you, we all will, but I'm happy for you."

"I'm happy too." Even if it felt like a weird time to be saying it. "I've told the chief but we haven't told a ton of people yet. We're still waiting to hear back from all of the schools he applied too. He's nervous and doesn't want to jinx it but I know he'll get into one of them."

"I'm sure he will," she agreed with a nod of her head. "I'll let you get going. I know you must have a busy day."

"I'll be back to work tomorrow or the day after." Likely tomorrow, but I didn't want to sound too easy to get back to work. "I'll see you then. Bye, Izzie."

The house was quiet when I got home. Kieran had already had lunch and gone down for an early afternoon nap. Something about the quiet was nice. I pay the babysitter and send her on her way before making a bowl of soup for myself, sitting at the kitchen and sorting through the mail. It's mostly bills and spam, a couple of college brochures now mixed in from the mailing list that Jackson had signed up for to get more information. Most of them were just being filtered out now. There was no getting off the list, apparently.

But there was one piece of mail that stood out and caught my attention, leaving the spoon in my mouth as I read it. It was addressed to Jackson from the office of admissions at the University of Maine in Augusta. A decision, more than likely. I set it aside before realizing there's one there from Empire State College, too. It was that time of year for the spring semester.

Waiting for him to get home is hard. When he texted that he would be there for dinner, I don't pressure him into coming home any sooner with the temptation of the mail. He was being a good friend – a good man, just like his father would have wanted for him. He was being the man he was meant to be. Good and kind, taking care of those who needed it. Right now, it was grieving friends. The situation may have been complicated but I couldn't ignore that he was doing right by those who had been there through most of his life.

Half-asleep on the couch with _One Day At A Time_ playing on the television, the two letters from colleges laid out on the coffee table, I let my eyes stay shut as my feet are propped up on the end of the couch and listened to the show.

When the front door of the house opened up, I don't hear it. Instead, I only realized that Jackson was home when his fingers tickled across the bottom of my foot and I jolted awake with a sudden screech.

"Jackson!" I shouted in protest.

"Shhh," he hushed with a grin wide on his face. "Don't wake Kieran."

"Don't," I laughed out with a shake of my head, running my hands over my face. "You scared the crap out of me. What time is it?"

"A little past nine, old lady," he teased me. He lifted up my feet and sat down at the end of the couch, placing my feet back in his lap. I curled my toes, hoping that he wouldn't tickle me again. "Sorry, I didn't realize that was going to be an all-day kind of thing."

"It's okay. You were being there for your friends," I shook it off easily. "How was it today, anyway?" A part of me was curious even if I didn't want to be personally involved. "How's Catherine?"

He shrugged. "She's being her typical self about it. Making all of the arrangements, no kind of emotional reaction. I always thought that she really loved him, but… I don't know. Maybe it's the power that she loves more than anything. It's getting harder and harder to tell with her. The other guys, well, they're drinking."

"Sounds like them." None of them were the type to open up and spill out their heart. Not like Jackson was. "And you? How are you doing?"

"I feel relieved," he breathed out. "It's like this weight… it just got shoved off. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel again." A real smile rested on his features, a light in his eyes shining even with the poor lighting on the television's glow. "What about you? Are you okay?"

"It feels a little weird," I admitted. "But I don't regret it. I did the best thing for you, me, and Kieran."

"Yeah, you did."

Jackson shifted forward down the length of the couch, pressing a soft kiss against my lips. I lingered there for a moment before I deepened the kiss, cupping his face with both of my hands and pulling myself onto his lap. His hands went to my hips and he pulled me down against his firmly, unable to give in to the temptation as I rolled my hips down against his. He groaned against my lips, the noise sending a shiver straight down my spine.

"Wait, wait–" I cut him off suddenly as I muttered against his lips, rocking back just a bit to put some distance between us despite the heat growing in my cheeks and core. "You've got some mail."

"Huh?" He blinked, more blood in the lower half of his body than left in his brain apparently.

"Admission offices," I specified as I twisted behind to reach to the two pieces of mail on the table, handing each of them over to him. "So two acceptance letters, probably. I've been waiting all day, resisting the urge to open them. So now you need to."

"Oh." Jackson took them from me one at a time, starting with the one from Empire State College. "Well, shit. I figured it'd be a bit longer than this." He tore open the envelope, setting it aside as he unfolded the papers. His brows furrowed as he squinted at the page. It was hard to see in the dark of the living room, I imagined, but I couldn't reach the lamp on the nightstand without falling off of his lap.

I waited only a moment. "What does it say?" I asked eagerly.

"They rejected me," he smacked his lips and sighed as he set it down. I didn't bother looking at it.

"Oh," I breathed out before forcing the other letter into his hands. "Well, come on then, open this one. You didn't like New York that much anyway. Where would have parked your bike?"

As he opened up the second letter, he doesn't offer me an answer more than a slight grunt. Chewing at the inside of my cheek, impatience gripped me as I waited for him to read through what the second letter say and delivered whatever news was held on the inside of it. He was silent for a few long moments as he stared at it.

"They accepted me." Jackson finally spoke.

"What?" My voice jumped. He turned the paper around to show me myself and I squinted as I read it, a giant smile breaking across my face.

"University of Maine – they accepted me. With a diversity scholarship candidate."


	13. Chapter 13

**_JACKSON_**

The razor in my hand vibrated as I leaned forward closer to my reflection in the mirror, shaving cream already smeared across the lower half of my face.

It had been years since I had been barefaced. I'd always liked having a beard on my face, growing out the curls so the wind on my head wasn't quite so rough when I was on a bike. It was a part of the look: the tattoos, messy beard, big and tough looking. Most of us looked the same in the club to an extent beyond the color of our skin. We all wanted to look tough and intimidating, to fit that trope of guys in motorcycle clubs. Conscious or unconscious. Mine had always been intentional. Now, that was why all of it needed to go. I wasn't that man anymore. There was no reason for me to look like it.

Dragging the blades of the razor down my face, dark curls of hair began to fall from my face and into the bowl of the sink below. Taking my time with each individual stroke and making sure not to miss any spots along my jaw or neck. It takes a few minutes to get all of the hair off of my face again, another few to clean it up.

Then I take the razor right back into it again, but this time, to the top of my head. My curls had been growing out for a couple of months now and even though I maintained them every now and again to make sure that it's relatively even, it's not the same as going to the barber. That's where I should be for all of this, but April and I were maintaining a low profile. The razor buzzed against the top of my head this time as I began shaving it, wanting to be as clean cut as possible. It takes longer to make sure that I get all of it off and that the top of my head was smooth all over, but all of it comes off. By the time that I was done and looking at the mirror again, I looked like a completely different man. I looked a few years younger, too, like maybe I wouldn't stick out quite as much in my college classes.

Knocking on the bathroom door pulled me out of my thoughts and April spoke a moment later. "Are you almost done in there? We're going to be late for our flight."

"Yeah, just a minute." Rinsing off with cold water and throwing a bit of aftershave on my face, I was done.

Stepping out of the bathroom, April had already wandered off likely to get Kieran prepared for the flight. It was finally cold outside, at least as cold as Eureka was going to get, but Maine was going to be much colder. There was a threat of snow and the temperature was much lower.

"Are you ready babe?" I called out. "I'm done."

"Yeah, I–" She stopped suddenly as her eyes rested on me, tilting her head. A slow moment passed as a smile broke across her features, wide and meeting her eyes as she stepped toward me. "You shaved. Wow. You shaved everything."

"Not my legs," I chuckled.

April laughed. "It looks really nice," she reached up as she spoke and ran her hand over the top of my head. "I like it. It makes you look… happier, somehow."

"Maybe because I am," I suggested before bending down and pressing a soft kiss to her lips.

The flight to Boston was nearly six hours and from there, it was a three-hour drive. It was an all day ordeal and Kieran was unhappy with the entirety of it. April had never apologized to so many people in one day, I was almost sure of it. By the time that we were at the bed and breakfast in Augusta, though, he doesn't have a problem crashing to sleep for the night.

There were a few different houses that we had crammed into seeing one day after pulling some strings with a realtor. Augusta was even smaller than Eureka was and near the middle of the state – it could be a quick drive to the beach, but mostly, we were buried in beautiful nature. A river ran through downtown and a lot of the downtown area was newer with renovations going through the city in the last few years. It was a town on the rise. The real estate reflected that – fair and competitive prices for the new homes. All four of the ones we looked at were nice, three or four bedrooms with lush green backyards.

With driving all over the city between houses and visiting a preschool for Kieran, at the end of the day, our son was happy to start snoring inside of the little crib that the owner's of the bed and breakfast had set up. It gave the two of us a chance to sit and talk in the library.

"I really liked the second house. The idea of a basement is cute," April murmured, looking through the preschool pamphlet.

"It could be a playroom for the kids. Give them their own space." I suggested.

"Kids?" She looked up at me. "Are we expecting and you haven't told me?"

"No," I laughed. "But you want more, don't you?"

"Yeah," she twisted a loose strand of hair around her finger. "Another boy and a sweet little girl. I think Kieran will be a good older brother. He's going to be big and protective on the surface, but a total teddy bear underneath. Just like you."

"Well, as long as his little sister looks just like his mom." My arm wrapped around her shoulders and I brought her in against my chest, kissing the top of my hair. "So the second house, huh?"

She nodded against me slightly. "As long as you like it, too. It's a good school district. Close to your school, too."

"I liked it," I murmured. "The yard was a little messy, but that's something that we can change."

"Well, it's winter. All the plants are dead except the evergreens." She pointed out. "It's freezing here. But we'll get used to that, too. It'll be so peaceful. Having that first snowfall. Kieran could have a white Christmas."

"Do you want to move before Christmas?" I questioned, pulling back to look at her just a bit.

"Why not?" She replied.

"It's just cutting it kind of short, that's all," I shrugged my shoulders. "But I mean, if you think we can do it, then I'm sure we can. We'll have to place an offer on the house in the next few days. And we've got to sell both of ours."

"We don't need to be in Eureka to sells ours. The sooner we are out of there, the better."

She wasn't wrong.

It hit even harder by the time that we were back at Eureka and listing our own houses in the market with a realtor, giving a call to the one in Augusta to place an offer on the house, going just a couple thousand beneath the asking price. There was some competition, but hopefully, we would get the one we wanted.

No one knows that we were buying a house. I was sure that everyone assumed that we were just going to rent an apartment near campus with the idea that we would be coming back in two years after I graduated.

But both of our houses get listed onto the market without much of a problem. Mine was already mostly cleared out of all the stuff that I wanted to hang onto from moving in with April, even if I'd maintained the deed on the house and left some junk and furniture in it. April's was more difficult to pack up – it was expensive to move across the country and get all of our furniture with us, too, but it would be worth it in the long term. Augusta wouldn't be just a two-year gig. It would be as long as we wanted it to be and we had all the time in the world to decide how long that was going to be.

Every year of my life, Thanksgiving thus far had been spent with my mother and either Robert or Dick. The MC, of course, had been a part of that celebration – it was almost always at the clubhouse with alcohol flowing instead of confined inside of their home. All the plans for this year had been made so it would be the same for them that it had always been. But neither one of us wanted any part of that.

"What is April bringing for Thanksgiving?" Catherine asked. "I assume you're coming since she has no family."

"Uh, actually," I paused. "We're just doing something small."

"What?" She spoke suddenly and turned to face me. "You're not going to leave me alone on Thanksgiving."

"You're not alone," I pointed out with a raise of my eyebrows. "I know you're going to be at the clubhouse with everyone else. You'll have more than enough company."

"But they are not my baby boy," she folded her arms. "You're going to come to our dinner."

"I have my own family now, Mom." I started. "Not everything in my life is going to be about the club for the next 2 years. We've been over this. I have to put April and Kieran first, and I'm going to put school right after that. Nothing else is standing in the way of that."

She scowled. "You've been trying to get away from this club for months."

"Can you blame me?" I looked down at her. "Look what it did to Dad. What it did to me! Do you know how hard it was for me to get accepted with the background that I have because of it? That's not what I want for my kid. I want something better. You're supposed to want something better for your kids, not the same old crap. That's what good parents want."

"Are you suggesting that I wasn't a good parent?" Her voice rose.

"Yeah, well, you kind of threw that away when you decided to kill Dad." I scoffed.

"I warned you. I warned you and April both about what would happen to the two of you if you tried to take my grandson away from me. I'm not going to let it just happen." She threatened, trying to size me up.

"I remember. And here's the thing, Mom… April's a doctor. A damn good one. Most of them remember when she came in and had to stitch up Deluca's cousin. So I'm sure if she told them that it seemed like something happened to Dick because of you, feeding him something wrong, or anything like that… I'm pretty sure that they would be willing to believe." Mom wasn't the only one capable of making threats.

"You wouldn't." She suggested.

"I would, actually." I shrugged my shoulders, acting nonchalant. "There's not a thing that I wouldn't do for my family. You're the one who taught me those values, remember?"

"And what about me?" Her hands went to her hips. "Am I not your family?"

"You were. But that's just another thing you threw away when you killed Dad."

That was that. No more conversation about it occurred.

When Thanksgiving does come, it wasn't just Kieran, April, and me. She insisted on inviting over some coworkers and she and Izzie spend the day before and the morning of in the kitchen. Amelia and Mark come over closer to meal time with wines and a bottle of scotch – both from Mark, undoubtedly, even if the two seemed to have some kind of on and off relationship that I didn't entirely know the ins and outs of. I wasn't sure if April knew entirely either. But they were both good company to have, better than my former company.

Laughter filled the dining room – whether it's some kind of smart ass retort from Amelia or Kieran doing something that everyone found both endearing and amusing. It's happy. Relaxing. Another one of those moments where I didn't have to worry about what was going on with Mom or the club.

"The sweet potatoes are amazing. I'm following Izzie to every Thanksgiving going forward," Amelia said.

"We might have to fight you for her," I chuckled.

"There is plenty of me to go around," Izzie laughed.

"And I can make a very good sweet potato casserole but I was busy making sure that the mac and cheese was exactly the way that someone liked it to be." April threw in, nudging me under the table with her foot.

"The real solution is just to make sure the two of them are thrown together every year," Mark suggested.

"Well, that's going to be a very long flight for someone starting next year," April spoke again with a sad smile curling on her features. I knew that she didn't have doubts about our move, but she was going to miss her friends here. She really liked them. I did too.

"How about for the person who doesn't have to drag along a kid who really, really does not like planes?" I suggested with a glance over at Kieran, drawing with mashed potatoes on his plate.

"That's probably fair," Mark muttered through a mouthful of food.

A knock on the door interrupted before the conversation could go any further.

"I'll get it," I offered as everyone gave a curious stare. No one else had been invited.

Setting down my napkin as I stood up from behind the table, the four of them muttered curiously about who it was as I crossed over to the front of the house to get the door. Glancing through the peephole, I let out a breath of surprise at seeing the familiar face. Certainly not an invited one, but at least it wasn't an unfriendly one. Unlocking and opening up the door, I stepped back and offered a smile.

"Hey, Ag–Maggie," I corrected myself quickly in case the others could hear. No need to have to go over that story again. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh, happy Thanksgiving." She nearly shoved a bottle of wine into my hands. "I'm sorry. I know this is rude– I should have called, or something. But I was in the area and it's Thanksgiving! And… you're my half-brother, apparently, and I know you're not going to be here much longer but I thought it'd be nice to get to know you." She rambled on quickly, looking past me and realizing the company at the table. "Oh! I'm so sorry. I should've realized you had company."

"No, uh, it's okay." I think. I glanced back at April with wide eyes, trying to figure out what to do. "Why don't you come in? Here, let me get your jacket."

"Thanks," she murmured as I helped her get it off. "Oh! Maggie." April had gotten up from the table to see what was going on. "I didn't know you were coming."

"Well, I uh, Jackson's– the only family that I have in the area. My parents live in Boston and I was working this morning, so…" Maggie explained, sheepishly smiling.

"The more the merrier," my girlfriend smiled. "We'll pull up a chair and make some room. Come on."

Our company wasn't satisfied with what information was given out. "Who's this?" Mark questioned.

"Uh…" I hesitated as I glanced down at her. "Guys, this is Maggie Pierce. Weirdly enough, she's… kind of my step-sister. Or at least, she was before Dick passed. We're kind of family." That was the best explanation that I could try to give.

"Well, we're all kind of family here," Izzie beamed.

"Dig in. Someone overcooked." Amelia encouraged.

With another person joined around the eclectic table, things resume to normal even though half of them had never met Maggie before. She was a little weird, occasionally rambled on more than what was necessary, but she actually seemed pretty nice when she wasn't sitting across the table from me trying to arrest me or with any kind of agenda in mind. She seemed normal. Everyone else seemed to like her too, especially after two glasses of wine.

Hours pass with everyone over even after the meal was as finished as could be and a desert had been served that left everyone full and lethargic. A football game on the television kept the conversation going a little longer before eventually, April's guests all go off to their own devices.

With just Maggie and us, it was a little awkward.

"Maggie, can I ask you something?" There was no point in being coy without anyone but April to overhear.

"Sure," she agreed chirpily.

"Was there some other reason that you came over today?"

April shot me a sharp look like it was inappropriate to ask. "We're glad you did, of course," she added. "I think Jackson just means to say that he was a little surprised to see you show up after everything."

"Yeah," I breathed out.

"I wanted to apologize, actually," she straightened up from her position on the couch. "I feel bad for what happened – like I should have known. I always knew that my father was a criminal and it's part of the reason that I do this job, I just never thought that I would actually find out exactly who he is like this," she explained. "I feel like this is my fault."

My eyes darted over to April, sharing a long look. Dick was dead. There wasn't as much of a need to blame her as I had felt before. But neither one of us was going to share with a law enforcement agent that we had taken care of the problem ourselves.

"There's no need for you to apologize, Maggie," April murmured empathetically.

"She's right," I agreed with a nod, leaning forward with my arms resting on my knees. "You didn't know shit and neither did I. It's a small world. Stupidly so, sometimes."

"I am glad to have met you," Maggie smiled at me. "I always wanted a sibling growing up. It was just me and my parents."

"Well… we've bought a house in Maine. I'm going back to school." It did feel nice to say those words out loud with confidence, not just as some kind of possibility. "But maybe we can keep in touch."

"I'd like that."

Shortly after it was dark outside, I walked Maggie out to her car and told her to send me a text to make sure that she had gotten home safe. When I was young, there had been moments where I had wanted a sibling too – a brother, of course, not a sister. Now my priorities were different. Any kind of family member that was a healthy relationship, that was supporting me to be a better man, they were welcome.

Another week and a half passed before we managed to finish packing up the rest of the house. In that week, word began to spread that we were really moving. The club already knew that I'd gotten accepted into the school and I was going to be leaving, but this was the nail in the coffin.

Fortunately, that wasn't really a bad thing. The expectation of me hanging around the clubhouse and the shop with the others, when I wasn't there for the sake of working on cars, had lowered significantly. I'd gone in to get the last bike that my dad and I had worked on together, knowing that there was no way that I was going to leave it here with Catherine. I didn't know what I was going to do with it in Maine, if I'd finally cave and sell it as we had originally planned, or if it was going to continue dust. But at least it was coming with me.

"This thing has been a hallmark of the shop forever, Jacky boy," Owen commented. "You sure you want to take it with you?"

"Yeah," I nodded and placed my hand on the seat of the bike, dusting it off. "Feels like a piece of my dad. I gotta take 'im with me. Maybe I'll take it for a joyride or two up in the mountains, see how that goes."

"Robert was a good guy. I'm sure he'd be proud of you now," he remarked.

"Sure." I tried to brush off the words even if they do mean something. "I'm sure he would've been happy I got this thing finished on my own. Man, he was so excited the day the last part came in to start finishing it up."

"A damn shame, what happened to him." I have to bite back my words.

"Uh-huh." I leave it at that. "I just wish he could've met Kieran."

"Oh, he would've loved that kid," Owen chuckled. "He was good with kids. I mean, you were one when I was just getting into this club. I swear, the only thing that he talked about more than bikes was you and screwing Catherine."

"Alright, alright," I threw my hands up defensively. "Didn't need that last bit."

"Just the way it was." He was good-natured about all of it. "Still the way it is, really."

"I haven't left yet, it's not like I forgot," I remarked with a shake of my head but a half-smile rested on my lips. "I'm gonna miss this place. Most of it, anyway."

That was ultimately the truth. This was where I had grown up, where I had spent most of my time with my father and learned who he was. This was where I had met April, where I had fallen I love with her and where Kieran had come into the world. Bad memories were here, but there was a lot of good, too. Even in the clubhouse. Alex had been my best friend for as long as I could remember, and there had been a lot of other good guys over the years, come and gone. It was a hard thing to let go of this place. But I knew it was for the best.

"We're gonna miss you too, kid."

The day that the moving trucks come, they're full. Between furniture, my bikes, and everything else that we would need in Maine, there wasn't much room. It would be a few days before it all got there. It would be fine. April and Kieran were going to stay at Izzie's house for a few days while I drove the car across the country.

Five days of a hard drive pass in the trip from Eureka to Maine. It's miserable. There was no amount of radio, music, or podcasts that actually made it any more interesting. When I finally reach Augusta, I stay in a hotel overnight before going to pick up the keys to the house. The movers get the furniture and boxes in the right rooms and then I go to the airport to pick up April and Kieran.

Augusta's airport was small and not crowded, making it easy to pull up and wait by the baggage claim without getting harassed by any police officers trying to move traffic along. A few minutes passed before I saw red hair.

"Hey!" I shouted to get her attention as I got out of the car, waving my hand.

"There's Daddy," April cooed with her voice high, bending over toward the stroller to make sure that he heard. "How was your drive?"

"Trust me when I say I never want to talk about it again," I chuckled with a shake of my head. "Here, let me grab those." Both suitcases are grabbed and loaded in the trunk. How she had managed to walk around the airport with those and the stroller, I had no idea. She was superwoman.

"I'm really glad to see you." I stopped April after she put Kieran in his car seat, hands on her hips and kissing her hard.

"I missed you too." Her arms wrapped around my neck, pulling herself up.

"We've got an entire house to christen now, you know," I reminded her.

"I knew you wouldn't let me forget," she chuckled.

With it being a small town, it's a short drive from the airport to the new place that was going to be called home. It still needed work – touching up with some of the paint in the front of the house, the yard needed a little love and work. But it was going to be our new home. It was ours.

Even if it was ours, though, that doesn't make the work of packing and trying to get set up any easier or faster. Kieran's room goes first as the priority, a little more fun than the rest of the house. The kitchen was next but it's not enough by the time that dinner came around – ordering a pizza and a pitcher of soda with the hope that the caffeine might give us an extra boost to try and unpack a little more after dinner. But two more boxes get done in the living room before I'm stretched out across the couch and April was sitting on the floor looking through a photo album, both in desperate need of a break.

"He's grown so much," she murmured affectionately and I watched her run her fingers over the photo that she was looking at. "I can't believe it's been almost a year now."

"I can." I smiled. "C'mere."

She shut the book and placed it down on the coffee table, crawling across the carpet before lifting herself to get onto the couch next to me. I swung my legs off of it to make a little more room for her and scoot closer.

"We made it out of the place, babe." I reminded her and wrapped my arms around her shoulders.

"We really did."

Leaning forward and pressing my lips into hers softly, April shifted to face me. A warm hand came up to cup my face and her thumb dragged gently along my cheekbone. I smiled against her lips for a moment as I deepened the kiss, moving to tangle my fingers into the hair along the back of her neck.

"And we do still have an entire house to christen…" April pulled away with a soft smile, her forehead pressed against mine as she looked at me. "But I think that's going to take a few nights."

"No reason that we can't start tonight." I grinned.

"But not in here. There's no way it's going to be comfortable without my throw pillows."

Kissing her hard, my hands went to her thighs and I wrapped them around my waist before standing up. My hands shifted to beneath the curve of her ass to hold onto her as I walked over a room, setting her down on the kitchen counter. I can feel a breathless laugh against my lips when she realized what I'd done and I only kissed her harder than before.

We made love with her on the marble kitchen counter, both of our moans echoing through the open part of the house. She's not quiet. She never was. It was one of the things that I loved most about having her underneath me and on top of me, every inch of her skin touched by mine. There was no doubt in my mind that she was beautiful and that she was mine. She always made the most beautiful sounds like this. And this house was bigger – made evident by the fact that both of us were as loud as we wanted and needed to be in the moment, and we still managed not to wake up Kieran. That was practically a damn miracle.

Sleeping in our new house for the first time is surprisingly restful. Even with our bedroom nearly bare, only the sheets having been pulled out of the boxes, it was peaceful. It was just the two of us and all of our problems thousands of miles away.

Waking up without her by my side was a surprise. The light from the bathroom streamed into the bedroom and I squinted to see the outline of her as I slowly sat up. It wasn't that early, just past eight in the morning, and I hadn't heard Kieran making any noise. A loud yawn escaped and I stretched out each side of my neck before I spoke up.

"What are you doing up so early, sweetheart?" I called out.

"Oh, I just woke up and was wide awake," April explained. "I thought I'd go to church. Try a few out, you know, so I can find one here that I like. Did you see that old, cathedral looking one?"

"Mmhm, I remember." Slowly, I swung my legs out of the bed and stood up. My back popped as I stretched out. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"You're an atheist." She stated it like it was something that I didn't already know.

"So?" I questioned.

"So why would you want to go to church?" She pushed open the bathroom door so I could see her properly, her curling iron in hand and a strand of red hair currently twirled around the length of it.

"Because my wife wants to go to church," I answered easily and shrugged my shoulders as I moved to join her in the bathroom, grabbing my toothbrush. "As long as they're not asking me to join some blood pack, then I'll be there."

She set down the curling iron to give me a little room at the sink. "You really want to go to church with me?"

"What else would I do?" I spread paste across the bristles. "Sit at home while my wife and kid are at church? No way. But we're getting brunch after." I left it there and began to brush my teeth.

I'd never actually gone to church. Sure, I had been inside one here and there over the years – fundraisers, town events, things like that. But I had never actually sat down and listened to a pastor give a sermon. Mom and Dad both hadn't believed, neither had Dick. No one in my family was religious and I had followed that path without any hesitation. I liked to have proof of things. The way the April just believed in things that weren't there, well, I'd never gotten it. She was quiet about her faith. She never pushed it on me or anyone else. I imagined in her line of work, that was probably a necessity.

Even so, it was about what I expected it to be.

The pews of the church were crowded and April sat closer to the back than I would have guessed – perhaps since it was her first time here and coming once wasn't a commitment. It was traditional with a choir and a few Bible verses that I had never actually heard of. I'd only gotten the big ones over the years, all of the cliched quotes that got thrown around. It was interesting to hear but still not my thing.

Walking out of the church is refreshing in an odd way. It has nothing to do with the actual sermon given that I'd only half-listened to it, mostly keeping Kieran entertained and quiet throughout the service so that April could pay attention.

But it felt good to do things with my family. To be a family. Even when I'd had Mom and Dad growing up, we had never really been a normal family with all of the things going on in the club. I'd gone to a school like everyone else, of course, there was no getting around that, but we couldn't have been farther from traditional. I'd had no doubt in my mind that my father loved me, and even my mother had when I was young, but that hadn't been enough to make things normal. Starting over on the opposite end of the country was finally our chance to be normal. Me, her, and Kieran… we were all going to be a normal family together.

It was why I needed to do this now.

"Hold on a second–" I held up a finger to her as I got out of the car, stopping her before she could get Kieran out of his car seat. "Just hold on."

My heart was pounding inside of my chest. I could feel it, nearly giving palpitations, not shying away. Just like I couldn't shy away. I needed to do this. I had wanted to do it for a long time now and just never been able to find the right time, the right moment.. but I didn't need that. I just needed her. Everything else would sort itself out eventually. We had already proved ourselves capable of overcoming together.

"What?" April questioned, looking over at me with wide eyes.

"Just stay there."

The weight of the ring box was something that had become familiar in my pocket the past few weeks. I had picked it up almost immediately after she mentioned it to me. I had wanted it for a long time even if I had been hesitant about taking that next big step with everything else that had been going on. It'd been chaos and I hadn't realized that she wanted it as I did. Some part of me had gotten caught up on the idea that she was there for Kieran above all else, more than she was for me, that I was just a part of him. But she had shaken that from me. She was here for me, too. Just as much as I was there for her.

"What are you doing?" She leaned back against the car door and folded her arms in front of her chest as she stared at me skeptically. "Did you break something inside after I walked out?"

"No, no, I didn't," I chuckled and shook my head. "I promise. You'll see."

"Can you just tell me?" April tilted her head as she looked at me and the smile on her lips nearly dazzled me into silence.

Yeah, I was doing the right thing.

"April." I took a deep breath after stating her name. "You… uh," I paused. It took me a moment to get some control of myself and get out the words that I wanted to say. "Before I met you, my life was… it was just there. I was going through the day to day and I wasn't being the person that I should have been. I wasn't really happy. But now, I am… I'm the happiest that I've ever been in my life. Nothing compares to the way that I feel when you look at me and you smile. You've given me everything. You gave me my son and you gave me the courage to be a better man. The man that my father would have wanted me to be. I love the way that you love Kieran more than anything else in the world. I love listening to you sing to him. It reminds me of the first night that we met. I was fresh out of prison and you gave what I needed."

"Jackson…" she spoke my name slowly as I took a slight pause. I stepped up toward her, dropping down onto one knee and pulling the black box out of my pocket. "What are you doing?" The same question, but this time she knew the answer.

"My heart races when I'm with you. I love you, April. I love everything about you. I have never, ever felt this way with anyone except for you. It has been a twisting turning road and not everything along the way was perfect. And maybe not everything in the future would be perfect either, so I don't want to promise you to be perfect. All I want to promise you is that I will love you every single moment and that I will be there for you, no matter what else the world has to throw at us. I'm going to be there. Please, will you marry me?"

A beat passed as I opened up the ring box to show the delicate diamond inside of it. It was shaped to look like a rose – unique but not flashy. I'd thought that she would like something along those lines.

"Yes!" April exclaimed and I quickly stood up, wrapping both arms tight around her frame as I pulled her in for a consuming kiss. Her back hit the car door with a thud as I deepened the kiss between us, momentarily forgetting that our son was in the back seat and waiting on the two of us to get him out and pay attention to him until I heard him cry. She laughed against my lips before I pulled away. "Yes, yes, of course."

I pulled her back slightly so that I could open up the car door and make sure Kieran knew that we hadn't forgotten about him. "Here, let me make sure it fits." I took the ring out of the box, hands shaking just a bit as I slid it onto her finger where it settled perfectly. "There we go."

"It's beautiful, Jackson," she praised.

"Just like you." I smiled, getting another quick kiss before I got Kieran out of his car seat. "I love you. Sorry that it took so long for me to do this."

"I love you too," she smiled, shifting closer to me and Kieran, placing a kiss on our son's forehead. "You two are my boys. There's nothing else in the world I want. Just you two."


	14. Chapter 14

**_APRIL_**

Sunlight beamed warmth upon us on our wedding day.

June was warm in Maine but not overwhelmingly so, comfortable in a cap-sleeve gown but not worried about getting a sunburn with time outside. Jackson was three semesters into his associate's degree and killing it with a 3.7 GPA. I was working at a private practice two days of the week and a hospital three days. It was a good balance of both what I liked and making sure that we didn't have to worry about money. It gave me an extra day off with Kieran and Jackson that we hadn't had before. For all three of us, it was a good thing.

Neither one of us has a wedding party. The only thing that we need is our own little ring bearer, Kieran adorably walking down the aisle and attaching himself to Jackson's leg for the remainder of the ceremony. He doesn't interrupt and neither one of us has the heart to get him to sit with the others.

Amelia, Mark, and Izzie all manage to make the flight out to our wedding much to my own chagrin. They're not the only guests at our little wedding party. Two of our neighbors, Arizona and Callie, had become fast friends with us and they had an adorable little girl who loved to watch and play with Kieran. Callie was an architect and Arizona was an elementary school teacher. Miranda and Ben, one of whom I worked with and her husband, had come too. Ben and Jackson had ended up becoming fast friends – although he was a firefighter, he had an appreciation for mechanics that they had bonded over instantly. A few close classmates of Jackson's as well as a couple other of my coworkers came to the ceremony and reception to celebrate with us.

Niagara Falls ends up being our honeymoon destination, staying at an adorable bed and breakfast only a few miles away from the magnificent site on the Canadian side of the border. Neither one of us had been out of the country before. It was small, but it was something.

"We are supposed to get up and see the falls today," I groaned out.

Jackson's lips continued to move against the supple skin of my neck, undoubtedly giving attention to the marks that he had left there the night before. "And…" he murmured against the skin, sucking softly on the tendon.

"I'm not going to want to get up if you keep doing that." My hand wrapped around his wrist as I spoke.

"In case you haven't noticed, Mrs. Dr. Avery, that's kind of the whole point." His breath was warm against my neck as he chuckled. "I want you to stay right here."

"What about food?" Even if I was supposedly talking him out of it, my hips pushed back to his.

"I'll eat you."

I smiled, biting down on my lower lip and groaning when his lips find a particularly sensitive spot. So much for last night wearing us out. "What about poutine?" I asked. "I know you want to try it. It has all the things that you like."

"That's what UberEats is for," Jackson replied without missing a beat. His arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me tighter against him so I could feel his erection pressing against the curve of my ass. "It's our honeymoon. That means sex morning, day, and night. So we've got a box to check off. And I know you love checking off your little boxes."

There was no way that I stood a chance against him or my own hormones.

Sex is, inevitably, a huge part of our honeymoon. It takes up more time than tourist spots or eating poutine – it's hard to resist the chance to spend time in bed with just the two of us, and no child-related interruption. Arizona and Callie were angels for agreeing to watch him for a few days while we were out of town.

That combined with catching up with sleep, at least half of our day was spent in bed. It's not a huge one given that the bed and breakfast was a historical house, with the tiniest bathroom that I had ever experienced but otherwise everything about it was utterly gorgeous. The detail of the woodwork and the antiques carefully placed around the home so that clumsy visitors wouldn't cause an expensive accident. It made me feel like I had been taken back to the 18th century.

"I don't want to leave this bed," I breathed out, stretching out my legs and rubbing my foot against the front of his calf.

"Let's not. Let's stay here forever," he suggested with a chuckle. I turned my head to look at my husband. Jackson had one arm bent beneath his head to prop him up a little further, naked with the top of the sheet covering up to his belly button. He looked like he belonged in a movie instead of next to me in bed.

"Shall we transport Kieran here?" I suggested with a laugh.

"We'll just make another one." Jackson took my hand, bringing it up to his lips and kissing the back of my knuckles.

"Are you serious?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" He gave an easy shrug of his shoulder. "He's perfect. Having him – and you, don't get me wrong – made my life so much better. It made me so much better, even just knowing that you were going to have it… he made me turn my life around. I'd have a million kids with you, April."

My hand flattened against his, fingers smaller than his as they pressed together. "Well, maybe not a million," I smiled softly. "But I always wanted three kids. Two boys and a girl."

"Then I guess we're on the right path so far, 'cause we can't mess it up next time." He chuckled.

"And if something were to happen in the immediate future… well, you're going to have your associate's degree by the time the baby would be born. My businessman." I beamed as I looked at him, fingers filling the slots between his and giving his hand a squeeze.

"Well, in that case… One down, two to go."

Life returned to our normal when we come home from our honeymoon. Jackson had picked up a summer job working at a mechanic shop in order to keep his skills sharp while he was still at school and made good friends with the owner. He was another biker – not in a club like Jackson had been in back in Eureka, otherwise, I would have just about lost my mind. But he was carving out a new social life for himself and keeping busy even when he wasn't in class. I couldn't have been more proud of how far he had come. His grades were incredible and he was a dedicated student. There was nothing more that I could have asked him to do for himself or for our family.

A couple of weeks after the wedding, I tracked my sisters down on Facebook to get their most recent phone number. Even if we hadn't spoken in years, we hadn't exactly fallen out on negative terms – after Mom and Dad had died, it had just been hard and painful to be around one another, consumed with the memories of what our family had once been like. Instead of leaning on them, I had done the opposite. I had run away and studied harder in medical school, making sure that I would be able to give people the therapy that perhaps I had needed myself at the time. All three of them were happy to hear that I was married with a baby of my own.

Despite the chatter on our honeymoon, I don't fall pregnant immediately. But it doesn't take long. I get my period one more time before a month and a half later, I was staring at a positive pregnancy test. Our second baby would have a birthday likely near my own.

"You must be sound proud of him," Arizona leaned to me, annoying herself with the pamphlet that had been handed out at the beginning of the ceremony for Jackson's graduation.

"I am." I beamed. I couldn't be prouder.

 _Jackson Avery_.

His name was one of the first to be called given his place in the alphabet and both of us stand up when it is, clapping and cheering much louder than anyone else managed to. It bordered on inappropriate, but I didn't care. I couldn't have been more proud of him.

By the time that the ceremony was over and everyone was allowed to free, I abandon Arizona with our stroller, Kieran on my hip and run up to greet his father. He greeted us both with a bear hug.

"I did it." He grinned so wide it nearly split up his face.

"You did it." I echoed his words. "I'm so proud of you, Jackson. I couldn't be more proud of you."

"I can't believe I really did it." There was moisture in Jackson's eyes and I could feel it beginning to swell in my own to match.

"I can." I threw my arms around his neck, giving him another tight squeeze with Kieran between us. "You're smart. You've always been smart. This is the first time you just get to show it off."

"No one would have ever pushed me and believed in me like you did, April." He leaned down and kissed me hard on the lips. "Thank you. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Jackson." I gave him another quick peck on the lips. "You're an amazing man."

Kieran's second birthday party is much more fun than his first had been – both for him and for us. The first time, we were still adjusting to Augusta and making friends, and he was really too young to do much more than enjoy the sweetness of the cake that we had gotten. But now that he was two, he was much more ready for having people over and the adoration that would come with it, as well as the plethora of toys to be spoiled with. My feet had disappeared under my belly and people try to get me to take it easy, but running around with the camera felt much more natural.

"You know that you can take a break from that. Trust me, April, everyone is getting pictures of the little guy." Callie motioned with her wrist to the living room chair. "You should sit. I remember when I was pregnant with Sofia, all I wanted to do was put my feet up."

"Well, I'd be lying if I said that didn't feel good," I chuckled. "I just don't want to miss anything."

"I think he's loud enough that you don't need to worry about that," Ben said with a laugh.

"We're still working on the inside and outside voice thing," I shook my head. "I'm just glad that he's talking as much as he does. He's really picked up fast on… everything, I swear, except for grammar."

"More than Tuck at his age," Miranda spoke. "Tuck always looked so much older than he was, though, it gets a little blurred in the memories."

"Not a problem we have," Jackson commented. "He's always looked younger."

"Well, he was a premie," I reminded. "That's normal."

"It's hard to tell. He's a smart two year old." Arizona remarked. "I mean, he's a little small, but otherwise I would have never guessed that you'd had him two months early."

"Lucky he still came out small with this one's big head." Ben chuckled and elbowed Jackson.

Even if we didn't have our biological family without either of our parents, mine dead and his remaining not in his life, we had found our own family again here in Augusta. Jackson was making friends at school and Kieran was making friends at daycare. I loved the people that I worked with, both at the hospital and at the private practice, even taking on an extra day while I'm pregnant to compensate for the time that I would have to take off on maternity leave. I still go out of my way to make sure that Kieran gets enough time with both of us, knowing that everything was going to change with bringing a second baby into our family.

Fortunately, my second pregnancy involves no staying on bedrest, even if by the end of the ninth month I wanted nothing more than to melt into the reclining chair in the living room with my feet kicked up and a glass of tea in my hands.

"Oh, Jackson." I gripped my stomach as a sharp pain twisted in my stomach. "I think this might be it."

"I knew you were going to do this today," he chuckled with a relaxed smile on his lips. "It's April Fools, babe. I haven't forgotten that. And there's no way I'm going to fall for this prank. Too predictable."

"No, I'm serious." I shook my head. "I don't care what day it is. This is a very real, very serious contraction."

A beat passed as he weighed my words. "You're really serious?"

"Yes. Yes, yes, I am."

Only a few midnights before midnight, our daughter comes into the world with a big head and a loud cry. She had even more curls of hair on her head than her older brother had when he was born and she had my eyes instead of Jackson's. She was over nine pounds as if compensating for her big brother's small size and making sure that we knew everything was going to be just fine with her.

Jackson stroked my hair lovingly, one arm wrapped around my shoulders and the other beneath my arms as I held our baby girl against my chest. I was exhausted in every way and had only drifted off for a few moments of sleep when the nurses had taken her to get a regular examination.

"She looks just like you," he murmured. "Absolutely beautiful."

"That hair is all you." I smiled so hard that it hurt as I looked up at him. His curls were beginning to grow out again. Even if I had liked the way that he had cut them when we'd first started over our life together, I had a fondness for the curls. There was just something sexy about them. They were a part of the reason that I had been attracted to him in the first place.

"Yeah," he chuckled. "Yeah, I think I can take credit for that one. But she's got your nose."

"As long as she has your big brain along with that big head." She stirred slightly in my arms.

"I rather her be a doctor like her mom. Make the big bucks." His thumb brushed lightly against her chubby little cheek.

"You're opening in June. You're going to make your own big bucks soon." I reminded him.

"That's two months away." His lips pressed against my temple for a moment before leaning his head against mine. "But for the next two months, the only thing in my life is you, her, and Kieran. No school, no work, no nothing else. Just my family."

I couldn't stop smiling. It must have been the oxytocin. "Do you still like the name that we picked out for her already?"

"Yeah," his head rubbed against mine as he nodded. "Sadie."

"She looks like a Sadie, doesn't she?" It was just a cute little name that I had always loved, always thought about naming a daughter of mine one day. "Little Miss Sadie Kepner Avery." Kieran's middle name was a piece of his father's family, and hers would be a piece of mine.

"She looks perfect."

By all accounts, Sadie was a much easier baby than Kieran – there was long stay in the NICU, which meant that we weren't riddled with the anxiety that came with that – but it also meant that we had nothing but utter exhaustion and I had no time to physically recover from the birth before all of the demands of motherhood are thrown my way and doubled with our two year old. Neither one of us working was undoubtedly a lifesaver. When she wakes up hungry, and her crying wakes up Kieran to make him fussy, I could go to one child when Jackson went to the other. On the rare instances in the first month when only one of them wakes up, we try to switch. But this time I get to breastfeed like normal, so there are times when I have no choice but to drag myself out of the bed despite every part of my body protesting.

Yet I wouldn't have wanted anything else.

Jackson had proved himself to be an amazing father the first time with Kieran, and he didn't hesitate to do it again with Sadie. Even if there are some things I have to do on my own by sheer biology, he was still involved as much as he could be – between potty training Kieran and diaper duty with Sadie, he didn't shy away from any of the messy parts of parenthood.

The only time that I get out of the house in that first two months is for another graduation ceremony. However, this one wasn't Jackson's – but instead, one of my patients who had asked me to come. She'd struggled for the last year and a half with severe depression and it had ended up leading to her taking a semester off and ailing a couple of classes so that she graduated a year later than planned.

Time flies by much quicker in the first two months when two children at home instead of visiting our son in the hospital. At first, it had felt like there was a long time before Jackson would be going back to work and opening his shop. I had taken off another month after that, to make sure that the kids did well and adjusted properly, not wanting both parents to suddenly disappear from being home all day if we didn't have to. The last few months of my pregnancy had been spent nailing down a lease and vendors, as well as some advertisement to make sure there would be customers – word of mouth, of course, helped through my coworkers and his former classmates. Pretty much everyone needed a mechanic at some point or another.

Yet nothing prepared me for the pride and joy that I saw on his face when I walked into the completed shop for the first time. It had a small waiting room like most did, our Keurig from home moved to the office and mini-fridge with water and soda, comfortable chairs and sofa, a charging station for phones. It was nice. On display, he had the bike that he had built up after his father's death. Of course, the most important part was the garage itself – there were three lanes for cars. Not too big, not too small. But my favorite was the name out front.

 _Avery and family_.

I'd help out how I could. And maybe one day, if they wanted, one of our kids would work here.

"This place is perfect," I praised him. "Wow. I mean, I knew that it was going to be amazing, but to really see it like this… it's incredible, baby. You did such a good job."

"I think that my dad would have really liked it," Jackson said, pausing. "I wish he could see it."

"I think that he can." My fingers reached for his, interlacing and giving his hand a tight squeeze. "I think that he's looking down on you right now with this big, proud smile on his face, glad that you're the man that you are today. I think that he would be wildly impressed with this place."

He looked over at me. "You really believe all that?" He asked.

"Of course I do," I nodded. "You are an incredible man and an incredible father. I have no doubt about that. You became everything that he would have wanted you to be. Anyone would be proud of you. I am. I am so immensely proud of you."

"I'm proud of me too." Jackson had a soft smile on his face. He wasn't often a proud man – at least, not a braggadocio one. I knew that this meant everything and more to him.

A car pulled up into the parking lot and a smile grew across my face as I glanced over my shoulder to see some Hyundai there, before turning back to him and stretching up on my toes to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I think you have your first customer, Mr. Avery."

"Then you'll have to excuse me, Mrs. Dr. Avery."

A whole month of him working and me at home with our son and daughter flies by. It's not long before it's time for me to go back to work – back to four days a week, fortunately, and not five. The hospital had a daycare for the days that I was working there and we had hired a nanny for the days that I would be at the private practice and Jackson was working. Our kids would be well taken care of no matter what, we had both made sure of that, but that doesn't stop the separation anxiety from kicking in. It seemed even more powerful the second time around than it had been the first, even if I go back to work sooner.

I don't quite make it through the first day of work at the hospital and not being able to see my children. The adjustment was too hard and I found myself constantly distracted throughout the day about how I should be checking up on them. My work was something that couldn't be done with distractions, so a couple of hours early, I apologize to my boss as I slip down to the daycare to pick them up and go home.

"You did what?" Jackson questioned, blinking in surprise.

"–I panicked and handed off my last appointment of the day to one of my colleagues." Kieran was playing on the floor, Sadie asleep in her bedroom. "I could not do it. I just couldn't."

"Huh," he breathed out. "Maybe I can take the kids to work with me."

"With all of the heavy objects and sharp tools and strangers and electric outlets and a million other things that could go wrong? No way." I shook my head. "I don't know what it was. I felt like I was just possessed to come back home with them."

"Well, I'm sure Kieran didn't mind that," he glanced over his shoulder at our son. "Separation anxiety's normal. You know that 'cause even I know that. I'm sure you've counseled people on it before."

"Yeah, I have." I nodded my head, wetting my lips. "Which only makes me feel more ridiculous."

"You're not ridiculous," Jackson disagreed and sat down next to me on the sofa, taking my hands. "You're just a mom and there's nothing wrong with that. If you have an instinct, follow it. Always follow it. It doesn't matter if it ends up being something or nothing. You've got a good head on your shoulders."

I took a deep breath and slowly pushed it through my nose. "You're right. I know you're right." I leaned into him. "Sadie was really, really happy to see me. I do kind of feel like I did the right thing in that regard."

"Then you did the right thing," his hand rubbed my arm. "You always do."

The adjustment period becomes slightly easier – it was certainly much easier on the days that I worked at the private practice given that I don't have the same strict schedule, and I call the nanny during a break just to make sure that everything was fine. Peyton doesn't seem to mind, as far as I can tell. She was a sweet girl and she was CPR-certified with excellent recommendations. A good fit overall.

By the time that fall had settled in Maine and Sadie had reached her first half birthday, things had resumed to something resembling normal again. As normal could be with two kids under the age of three in our house, at least. Tired was constant, but so was the happiness that came with it.

Every moment in bed together as cherished no matter if our clothes were on or off, and if we were awake or asleep. Of course, one was definitely more preferable than the other but sleep had become an underrated gift even more so after having another child. It was one that definitely could not be ignored or pushed off in the same way that it could when we were younger and didn't have kids. If I didn't have at least something that mostly added up to five or six hours a night, even with two cups of coffee in my system, it felt like sheer luck was the thing to ultimately get me through my day.

It's one of those peaceful moments in bed, pajamas and one of his sweatshirts on, just ready to fall asleep despite the fact that there are another fifteen minutes our program left when he says something that throws me so hard for a loop I nearly jump.

"I know that you're going to think this is crazy, but I found a motorcycle group I want to join," Jackson stated it calmly.

"W–What?"

After everything that he had been through, that we had been through, I couldn't even begin to fathom the idea that he would want something like that again. I knew that he loved riding his bike and that it had been such a huge part of his life, but that… that was something I just couldn't wrap my head around.

"Hold on, before you freak out," he shifted in the bed slightly, reaching for the remote and hit pause so that he could focus on me. "Just hear me out, okay? It's not what you're thinking, I promise."

"I…" Taking a deep breath and forcing myself to stop, I gave a nod of my head. "Okay. Continue."

"It's a low-key thing. It's called BACA. Bikers Against Child Abuse. It's all about creating a safe space for children, and yeah, it's still a motorcycle thing. It was actually started up by a therapist. But it's all about using the, you know, scary image to protect kids. Make sure that they feel safe no matter what they've got going on in their life." He explained.

My heart warmed hearing the details and the worry in my face dissipated away softening to a smile. I'd seen pictures of it here and there, but I hadn't replied that it was actually an organized group.

"So it's nothing like that one you grew up in, but you still get to be a biker." I breathed out with my relief. "It's something good. It's something… really, really good."

"Yeah," he nodded his head with an enthusiastic smile appearing on his lips. "You even work with law enforcement, you know, to make sure that they're feeling safe. They don't endorse violence but it's kind of a thing where like, if that's the only option to protect the kid, then that's what they're going to do instead of shying away from it." If there was any reason to excuse it, it was that. He was such a good father – I didn't doubt for one moment this would be something that he was good at, too. "I heard about it through a customer of mine, actually. He saw the bike and started talking about it. He's in it. He invited me to a meeting in Bangor, Maine. Just over an hour from here. I thought I'd check it out if that's something you're okay with."

"I'm okay with it. I'm more than okay with it," I nodded along with my approval. "I know you love that bike of yours and have been looking for an excuse to get back on it again 'cause my mom car bores you. You should do it. You should absolutely do it. I support you."

Undoubtedly, it was the right fit for him.

That was only proved after he got more information at a meeting and ultimately ended up joining the club. Even if they knew about his history with the club he had been in before, as apparently he was brutally honest with them when he explained part of his interest, they welcomed him and accepted him. He had found just another little family to surround himself with, a group of like-minded people: people who liked to ride and who did it for the right reasons. Good people.

Jackson seemed happy to be back on the bike, too. That was hard to ignore. It brought him freedom and a joy that I couldn't quite understand but I could appreciate the smile lines that it brought onto his face so long as he wore his helmet like he always promised to.

"You know I hate to watch you go," I commented as I folded my arms. He'd come to visit me during his lunch while I was working at the hospital.

"You could always come with me," he suggested.

I laughed. "I do have a job to do here, you know."

"And I also know that with your schedule, you don't have an appointment for another… twenty-seven minutes. Come on, let's go for a little joy ride. Live on the wild side for a quick minute." He beamed at me as he sat on his motorcycle, completely relaxed.

"On your bike?" I raised my eyebrows, shaking my head. "Oh, come on!"

"I've got an extra helmet." He pointed out. "Bought it years ago, just waiting for you to take me up on my offer one day." I knew he carried around another one but I hadn't known that was why.

"Seriously?" I asked.

"Seriously."

I paused for a moment, my weight shifted from side to side and glancing down at the time at my watch. "You know what? Fine. I'll do it. But we have to be back here in time for my next appointment which, yes, is in twenty-seven – well, now twenty-six minutes."

"In that case, hop on." He handed over the helmet to me, adjusting the strap of it once it was on my head.

"I can't believe I'm really about to do this," I remarked with a shake of my head as I swung my leg over my bike and hopped on behind him. My arms wrapped tightly around my waist, knees pressing in against the outside of his thighs to make sure that I was holding on tight. I'd known him for years and this was his life, yet it was my first time onside a motorcycle that was actually moving. My heart was already racing with excitement.

The bike vibrated beneath us as he turned on the engine, pulling out of his parking spot slowly and making his way to the main road. Once he was on it, he glanced back at me out of the corner of his eye before he took down the street.

There was no doubt in my mind that he wasn't going too fast with me on the back of his motorcycle and yet the absolute rush that suddenly came with moving. The length of my hair flapped against my neck and back wildly despite the helmet on my head managing to keep some of tamed. But the adrenaline pumping through my system was just enough to give me a small glimpse at the absolute joy and freedom that he felt on this vehicle. Love for it didn't pump in my veins the same way that it did for him, but there was certainly a sudden appreciation that came for the experience that riding a motorcycle was. For him, it was everything. And Jackson, and our two children, they were my everything.

"Do you like it?" His voice was raised up just a little to make sure that I could hear him over the bike.

"I feel like I'm in a movie!" I called back with a laugh. "Yeah. I do, actually."

As we pulled to a stop at a red light, nearing the hospital again, Jackson twisted back to look at me properly. "I love my bike. I love it a lot. I hope you can see why now, but I want you to know, it's nothing anything compared to the way that I love you, and Kieran, and Sadie. I'd give it all up in a heartbeat for you if you wasted."

"I get it," I nodded my head, leaning forward to press a kiss against his cheek. "And I love you too. I'll never ask you to give this up. Not now and not ever. I promise. You're my man."

"And you're my absolute everything."


End file.
